I was just standing up from my desk when it came to me what
I like to do what my dreams are who I am. What are things that fascinate me
well simple. I like trucking, fixing/maintaining vehicles, building and
maintaining computers and, making people smile. I finally figured out why I
like so many things in life. I at first thought it was because I liked things
with a starting line and a finish line with a challenge in the middle to solve,
that isn’t what makes me interested that isn’t who I am at all. Its making
things work keeping things going making someone proud of you making someone
smile. Almost everything I have done in this world I have done for someone
else. People call me out constantly that I need to focus on myself but that
isn’t true. I am focusing on myself through people I have never gone a day
being happy unless someone has been there. I am not built to be by myself, why
work harder or learn more if you have no one there to show? Why spend so many
years trying to please yourself first when someone else out there can use the
skills you actively own? What actually keeps this entire world in a state of
peace and not a complete meltdown of wars? The answer is this it’s a mix of
wanting to have power, balance, and happiness for the greater good. If we
worked so hard to become good at something but no one saw it than why practice
at all when you could just state, you did it and not waste your time. If we
worked so hard on pleasing ourselves first there would be no love no happiness
no families no humans. If we spent our days in an eternal war what would be
gained as there would be nothing left of anything nothing to have power over
nothing to be balanced and no one would be happy, just drones. This entire
world would never function if there was no one there to make you laugh to make
you cry to make you scream to yourself that you wish you could die. This is
called a balance if you were always happy you would lose the meaning of
happiness. If you were always sad depressed or lonely you will just end it all.
If you live your life screaming you are in fear but at what point does the
screaming stop working? You need every portion to stay balanced. You will have
bad days and good days, and days you just want to pull that trigger. On those
days is when people need to show their love doesn’t matter friend or foe a hug
a high five give them a cuddle and show them that there is something out there
for them. Friends are more than just people you play games with they are people
there to catch you when your free falling. This is where I have realized where
I stand in this world I like knowing what to do in any situation I like fixing things,
and this stretches to everything I see whether it’s a car a computer a friend
someone I don’t even like I would never walk away from a situation a person
anything broken helpless fresh out of fresh air. I see so many movies centered
around love or family or friends and it just reminds me of what I don’t have. I
don’t have many in my immediate life to share my secrets too and it eats me
every day of my life. I don’t talk things out I don’t like to vent to people I
just let it build until it erupts out of me and causes everyone in the way to
leave to remove me from their friends list just because I had 1 bad day and
that is what is wrong with the world there are so many people who talk about
being an adult. An adult doesn’t walk away from people just because they had 1
bad day they sit there and let them blow it all off and ask them if they need
help if they need a hug a cuddle just a high five. Sometimes you have to know
that even if it is tough real friends will always pull through and there are a
lot of fakes who walk away because its too tough and it doesn’t make it any
better for who you walked away from they went to you because they trusted you
and you just threw it in there face. I have built my entire life off of knowing
as much as possible because sometimes just that smile or that wow or that your
really smart is all that I need. Nothing in this world is judged based on your
age I know a lot for my age I know a little of almost everything because I like
to impress people. I like to make people smile and laugh. Some may say I’m
coming off cocky, but the reality is I feed off people’s emotions and if I
never made people happy, I couldn’t get happy if I wanted to because all I
would see is broken and helplessness. I give everything and expect nothing
back. (To learn but not teach is a waste, to teach but not learn is ignorant
-Myself)
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