Waiting

My Darling

I felt you today when I closed my eyes

The warmth of the sun on my face

The breeze playing with my hair

When I opened my eyes I could see your smile

Free, flying, floating in the light

Wings of a butterfly sweeping it across my mouth

Your voice I could almost hear in the brook

Such a wonderful rush of serenity

Water flowing over rock was your words soothing my soul

I almost felt like you were with me

 

My Love

I miss you tonight as I wait for you

The coldness removes hope for you

There is a stillness that suffocates me

Such gloominess surrounds me as I look for you

My heart is too heavy without your smile

The butterfly’s wings have been broken

My ears are now filled with silence

Breaking into my soul like shattered glass

They are all the questions of why you are not here

Please come to me soon

Reviews

[Marie Harrison]

Oh this is beautiful. She experiences him in the day hours when she is outsiden but in the evening hours when she's inside she notices his absence. Isn't that always so. Sometimes its hard to see positive and the hopefulness in the evening hours. Lovely.

[Dreamer<3]

Wow, you have talent! I'm glad you asked me to read some things. I relate to this a lot. Really good!

[Different Wings]

wow! I love how it's two different parts that parallel each other essentially line for line. everything is very smooth and evocative, and the ending totally displays an emotion that makes the reader learn more about you than most writing would. the references to water and butterflies and carefreeness (the latter in the first stanza) are very well done and the use of those to prove a secondary point in the next are equally so.

[Stacey Watts]

Very beautiful words here. Love on both spectrums expressed. I like this. It is very nicely done.

Like Emily said, I can relate. At first it seemed a little cliche, but then it made me think that everybody loves everybody else in a different way. So, kudos to you! This is extremely sweet.

[emily joe]

I really like this because I can relate. I have felt this on many nights. Many days, where you just want to crawl into bed, hang sheets on your windows, and hide from the world because all you want is him. And nothing else can take his place, although some things may provide a temporary mocking of him. This is absolutely splendid. I love your style of writing, and that's huge. I'm really picky! Can't wait to read the the rest of your writing. Thanks for sharing!

[Honey]

woah...
all right, that was cooleo ^-^
i like how you used previous references in the second part where its all sad and whatnot
but i think you should think more about your word choice (i hope this part wont tick you off >-

[QC]

This is the ultimate "I miss you". It really makes me think about the background of what's happened. I loved your wordplay. Throughout the entire poem. It was really great and touched me. Great job! Can't wait to read what else you've got!

[Dupree]

This is a poem where "I miss you" doesn't even start to cover it. It starts sweet and kind of "I can't wait to be with you" while the second half is stating more of a desperate yearning for them. It leaves your reader think of the person they miss wanting them more than anything. In my opinion this is yet another great piece.

[Alicia™]

This is so beautiful! The wording is really poetic. The only problem I have with it is the lack of punctuation at the end of the lines... Commas and periods make poems grammatically correct, as well as help with the flow and accentuate pauses in the rhythm.

I liked the natural feel of it, with the wind, water, and butterflies... Great job!

[Benjamin]

i think that you have done an amazing job on this poem and you should keep up th good wark.