Darkness

I’m not one for love.

I’m one for love lost.

I pay for the darkness,

no matter the cost.

Image of the artist.

I try my hardest to slip from its

claws, but it’s a part of me.

Sorry, I tend to run from things.

I don’t stay long.

Get a good look before you can see.

Get a good look, I’m ugly, I’m gone.

This inner turmoil,

this knife as my pen.

I try to cut it out, but it lives.

It lives!

It lives within.

You could say it’s my friend,

for lack of better cliche.

For lack of better words,

it grounds me to Earth.

It’s fucked up stability.

A fucked up ability,

to size you up,predictability.

I’m not one for love.

I’m not one for hate.

I like it here, heaven can wait.

Nothing shocks me anymore.

Not sunlight.

Not half-moons.

Not crescents.

I sleep until noon.

I’m completely consumed by the depth

of my disgruntled nature.

I want to meet the maker,

and tell him he’s a buffoon.

He left us all to fend for ourselves,and

said he’d see us soon.

Well, heaven can wait.

Heaven can wait for the day

my darkness goes away.

Reviews

[Samuel J. Fox]

I like your sense of musicality in using internal rhyme. That is no easy feat and often is a gift. I would suggest that you read Warsan Shire and Mindy Nettifee - both are similar in their content as yours and you would appreciate their style. They are raw in emotion and brutely honest and never beat around the bush. I would focus your efforts toward imagery and resist repetition to the point where it is redundant. This has got the markings of a good potential. Keep writing! You can rework it and do it!

[Lookwithinsight]

Thanks for your input!Also, I will definantly look those two up. I saw an interesting quote by Warsan Shire that I liked. “You want me to be a tragic backdrop so that you can appear to be illuminated, so that people can say ‘Wow, isn’t he so terribly brave to love a girl who is so obviously sad?’ You think I’ll be the dark sky so you can be the star? I’ll swallow you whole.” Love it. Thank you for your critique. I notice that sometimes the repetition can sound redundant. I'll try to stray a way from that because I do like to repeat certain lines.

[Samuel J. Fox]

Walt Whitman likes to repeat the beginning words of lines that are normally prepositions or conjunctives. Maybe try that instead? Also work on not ending lines in prepositions. It slows the action down and can hurt the line. I avoid and mostly cut as many prepositions as possible in all my poems. :D

[Lizzie Mitchell]

I like the raw emotion in this.
The speaker is so honest about their inner struggle
hating the darkness yet forcing it on themself
and indignant with the what life really is.
I love reading this aloud
I love the tone that comes across
and the rhythm and rhyme in it

[Lookwithinsight]

yay (: I'm gla you liked it!!!!

[Lookwithinsight]

glad********

[Chris]

I'ld like to hear you deliver this one... your sense of wording and tone suggest you would do well.

[Lookwithinsight]

Oh noo I don't have the voice for it :/