White and Black, Never Gray.

Dead before the first breath.
We never did stand a chance.
A small ember ignited,
with flames uninvited.
It should’ve felt righteous
upon the first kiss.
It should’ve, but we were too nervous.
Still too nervous to take a chance.
We played until the fire stopped,
rain dance.
Now we’re dead before the first breath.
Too washed up, too shallow for depth.
It crept up, up, and away.
Like the smoke from that tiny flame.
It was gone before the light of day.
It was white and black, but never gray.

Reviews

[KWP]

you are certainly a write that has more depth to your words than most ...

too washed up, too shallow for depth - hmmm I am just wondering ... does one know if they lack depth ... I am gonna think on that

I love the last line ... I am black and white - but I do cross over to the grey - that's where the fun's at ..

I am wondering if you actually need to use the word IT and then it was, I wonder if it would allow the poem more punch if the words not necessarily required disappear

wow so young and so in tune with life - well done chick xx

[Lookwithinsight]

Thank you so much for your review! You've given me something to think about. Interesting approach. I try to keep the nonsense words out, but I naturally write too much fluff. Thank you so much!

[KWP]

aaaaahhhh yes and so do i ... :)

[Mad Mezi]

Those last four lines really seal it together, I enjoyed this a lot. Good rhyming throughout, great rhythm, you painted some wonderful scenery and emotion in this. Although that rain dance line seems like it ends abruptly, but who am I to judge hahaha

[Lookwithinsight]

Thank you for that! I'm glad you liked it! I guess I could've elaborated on it, but I felt like it'd ruin the rhythm of the poem.

[Will]

Hey, like the poem. The rhythm is especially well done and the line, "like the smoke from that tiny flame" is definitely my favorite. My only criticism would be for you to try and take it to the next level now. I get the meaning and the imagery behind the black, white, and never gray--- kinda like a gradient for a relationship with never a melding of love or something more, just physical attraction--- but I'd just like to see you play with it a little more. It's good-- infuse yourself, twist it away from normality, put your stamp on this idea and I know it will be great!

[Lookwithinsight]

Thank you so much! I'm glad you like the line. The meaning you got from it is what I intended to explain. It was a fling, and both sides were polar opposites. I'm definantly going to take your advice. Thank you Will.

[Faith Almazan]

I absolutely love this. I get scared a lot of the time and there's a hot and cold or push and pull vibe that occurs in my romantic endeavours whether it's from mepotential partner. Thanks for writing this. It's beautiful.

[Lookwithinsight]

I'm glad you can relate. I'm the same way. I do the same thing, and usually run away from it. It's bad, I know.

[Faith Almazan]

Running is so much easier. Crawling into that cave of apathy is easy because I do not know how to accept love properly and regulate my emotions. I kinda just shut down which is detrimental to anything that I do.