The snipits

How my eyes see this.

I wish the times were different, I wish I felt different that maybe I would just be your friend. It hurts to watch the world change, it hurts even worse knowing  that I am the one who screwed it all up. Why did I have to be who I am why did I do what I did to you that it really bothers me that I would do something that would make you suffer. I will never be able to tell you how I really feel. I can only sit here and type this message which you will never see. This message which I will probably delete before anyone else has a chance to even take a look at it I would hate to have my feelings told. I would hate to ruin what makes you happy. I would be happy to make this trip all over again. It was worth every second. It was the best just to have you lay beside me and see you smile. I wish I could be around to see it more often. I know it won't ever happen, but that doesn't stop me from dreaming it. If I told you how I feel now I'm sure you would just laugh in my face and play it off like a joke.

I would laugh back just to make it look like I am not really hurt. I wish that your eyes were looking into mine. I wish that you'd tell me that you felt the same way I do. I sit here looking at you still (like a creeper) thinking how great it would be to hold you in my arms again like I did the other night when I first got here or this morning when you laid with me this morning. You just wouldn't understand how I feel. You can laugh and be happy, I can pretend to be happy. I wish I could make you just as happy as he did. I know that it won't ever happen I know that what I dream I have an amazing dream that will never happen. I know why, I know I can't be trusted I know that what I want is not what you need. I know it will never work. I know that we live such separate lives that it could never happen that we could never be. It's not you or me it's us. I am just remembering the firefly flash. I know you have heard that song you will understand it. It's just that secret code that no one besides you or I would know. It's funny I never thought I could have an even bigger crush on you then I already do. I sit here on this laptop on this date and time when I am suppose to be hanging with you. I am not but I am venting my feelings so you won't ever know how much I hurt. Hurt proves one thing for me. It proves that I really do  have feelings for you that that is one thing that has never changed. I know it's funny how no one besides me will ever will read this. This is just another chapter in my life that is going in past this is me finishing this page the last one. The one that will in this volume of my life the series of me. If there was such a better sweet story then this. I would love to read it. I have never felt this strong about anything that I have ever written in my life I feel so much better knowing that I got this off my chest. It's just the way I feel nothing can change that besides time. Time can heal all wounds. 

This is like my flower in the storm. You are my sunshine through the clouds. I know this doesn't make sense to anyone who will ever read this, but it works and that's all that matters. This would flow my heart to you if I get the nerves I will say how I really feel. It's so cute and it's everything that you do. The way you part your hair, the way you place your photos in your frame so carefully, the way that you smile, the way you drive, the way you treat me as just another human (not some freak of nature), the way you make your plans, the way you talk, the way you look at me when I goof off. You just make me feel like something special. Somebody who actually might want me. You make me who I am anymore. I know you are going to get annoyed with me very shortly, but that is okay, because I am sure it will be very cute. That's just the way you are..... End...

Author's Note

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