Okay

“It’s always okay in the end. If it’s not okay, then it’s not yet the end.”

 

I stared blankly at this cliché quote written in a piece of paper on my hand. Once in my life, I believed in it. I believe that everything will soon become okay. Everything have a happy ending, or if not, then an “okay” ending. But now, I think all my life I believed in a wrong saying. These words were just mere lies.

 

It all ended the moment he said his last “I love you” and exhaled his last puff of air. It all ended when he closed his eyes and tears started to flow from mine. It all ended but it’s still not okay. I am not okay.

 

Maybe this is a selfish thing to say but I don’t care if we lose all our money. I don’t care if he’d live only if he’s attached to a machine. As long as he lives, as long as he’s with us, I don’t care. But no. It didn’t happen that way. I just woke up and saw his angelic smile and heard him say “I love you.” Even in pain, I saw his happiness. I saw his contentment. I saw him peacefully close his eyes but never opened them ever again. Even in his last moment in this cruel Reality, he still managed to amaze me. He never ceased. Up until now, he still does. He’s my idol, my hero, but most of all, my friend.

 

I crumpled the piece of paper in my hand and threw it on the trash can near his desk. Until now, I’m still not okay. Until now, I’m still fragile. Until now, every memory of him hits me hard in the gut. I stood in front of his desk and stared at a picture of us in his football game. We were ecstatic that time because that was his first MVP.

 

I closed my eyes and breathed in the scent of him left in his room. I couldn’t help myself from weeping again. When I opened my eyes, my blurry vision landed on a beige sheet of paper with my name on it. I hesitantly took it, sat on his bed, and started to read.

 

To Jace

 

If you’re reading this, then I’m probably already buried under the Earth. I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry for not telling you as early as I could, but I just don’t want this to have much damage on you. I know I was a jerk of a brother to you but I want you to know that I love you. Maybe this time you’re still mourning but please stop it. My death isn’t the end of the world. My death didn’t make the world stop. Go on and continue your life. Live your life for me. Enjoy it and make it worthwhile. As I always told you, “It’s always okay in the end. If it’s not okay, then it’s not yet the end.” Just be patient. Just wait. I would guide you just like how I always did. I love you brother.

 

Your hot brother,

Clav :D (agree that I’m hot or else… hahaha) 

Author's Note

Did it for the sake of doing something in our Calculus class :3

Reviews

[Brandon Wesley Mckay]

This is really touching. I don't say that often, but this tugs at my heartstrings. Kudos for making me feel like I knew these two, and making me buy their relationship.

[Claire Ellison]

Thank you! It warms my heart to know that I touched somebody else's heart through my work. :)