Journal Exerpt from "The Ordeal"

Written as an email to a friend over 10 years ago regarding a very serious legal situation my husband and I found ourselves in....

Excerpt from email letter that I sent to Reye, 12/07/97

 

"The kids had musicals at church tonight.  Elizabeth's age group, well, you know, they are just so priceless at that age.  When doees faith become difficult, I wonder?  When does trusting take on such a RISK?  It sure isn't that way when you're 5......

Today has been full of doubting and self-recriminations.  I hate that.  I don't understand WHY I'm that way, especially when I KNOW how BIG God is....I don't know that I'm capable of making it through.  Each day seems more complex, more ominious....my sense of discernment, it seems, has disappeared, and I am left with nothing more than a handful of shattered ideals.  

What I have learned, though, is that nothing, NOTHING which we think that we hold dear matters when the threat of losing our freedoms looms so close....all those things I deliberated to be of such great importance -- they are but dust when the thought that the person whom I love the most, whose presence I truly cherish, must continue to suffer and wrestle with such a great need.  

The most frustrating thing, of course, is that I am so helpless.  Me, "Miss Fix-it", can do nothing at all.  I would give all that I possess to make this "all better",  because all that I have is useless in the face of this situation.  All we have left is God; why do I have such a hard time convincing myself that HE is all we need?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

This entry is in regard to a life situation for my family known as "The Ordeal". It is an excerpt from an actual email that was sent out.