Intro

The sun beat down hard on the brow of Young Maxwell Lockheart as he did his daily duties. Plowing the feilds of his familes farm. A hard worker he did what he was told and carried out his orders to he letter. A father could ask for no better son. Sitting in his rocking chair smokeing his pipe Maxwell's father watched his son work the feilds with proud eyes. " Thats enough for today son. Come on now. Your mother should have our meal ready." Looking back at his father Maxwell smiled and gave a nod before riseing, making his way over to his dear father. " Feilds doing great Pa. The corn will come in fine this year." Young Maxwell spoke like a true farmer. His father could only smile. Once inside both father and son were met with a warm smile from Maxwells mother. Their noses graced by the smell of fried chicken and mashed potatos. " Sit down boys. The food is done. Eat up before it gets cold. " Following his mothers orders Maxwell took his place at the table and began to make his plate. Standing next to his wife Maxwells father placed his arm around Maxwells mothers hip and smiled. Sudenly there was a knock at the door. Maxwells father made his way to the door just to find a group of men shoruded in dark cloaks. Wide eyed Maxwells father turned and ran toward his wife and son. " Quick! Maxwell take your mother out the back way!" Looking upon his father with worried eyes Maxwell tried to speak was no words could escape his mouth. Grabbing his son by his shirt Maxwells father pushed him back and pointed to the back door. " Go!" At that moment the door was kicked in by one of the men in the dark cloaks. Doing as his father said Maxwell grabbed his mothers hand and ran toward the back door. Opening it Maxwell looked up with wide eyes just to see more men shoruded in black cloaks. They held swords in their hands. They were out for blood. Knocking Maxwell out with the handled of the sword one of the men in the dark cloaks watched as Maxwell dropped to the floor. Young Maxwell was knocked out cold. Hours went by and young Maxwell had yet to awaken from the attack. Once he did however he let out a loud gasp. Remembering what had happened the young boy stood to his feet and looked around. His familes house was burning. And his mothers lifeless body was by his feet. With fear filled eyes Maxwell dropped to his knees placing his dead mothers head on his lap. What had happened? No. Now was not the time for thinking. The house was on fire and falling apart around the young man. Dragging his mother out of he burning house Maxwell yet again dropped to his knees watching the house crumble down to the ground in front of him. Tears began to fall from Maxwells eyes as he watched as his home burned to the ground. Looking around Maxwell spotted a trail of blood heading toward the stables. Standing to his feet Maxwell beagn to follow the blood until he reached the stable door. Lifting his hand and placing it on the door Maxwell found himself hesitating to open the stable doors. Gathering his courage Maxwell opened the doors just to see his father laying there holding his chest. He had been stabbed and left to die. Running to his fathers side and falling to his side Maxwell began to look his father over. He was still alive. For the moment. Opening his eyes and laying them on his son a worried look found its way on Mawells fathers face. " Max. Your safe. Thank the gods. " The father spoke with staggerd breath. Yet again Maxwell found himself at a loss for words. Lefting his hand the father handed his son a rolled up picec of paper. It was a map. " Find the Two Doors son. Seek out a man by the name of Red. He will help you. Become strong my son. Become strong." Closing his eyes the father took his last breath. With wide eyes Maxwell began to shake his father. Doing all he could do to try and wake him from his everlasting slumber. But there was no use. Maxwells father was dead. Maxwell was now alone.

Reviews

[Romeana]

Dark Sea Captain, I really want to read your story. I have just finished your Intro, and I am interested in where this going. However, the way your work is arranged slightly hinders the flow that is crucial to enjoying a story. Please consider combining 'Novel Format' and 'Online Format'. Novel Format includes giving dialogue its own paragraph. Also, indentation, although it does not seem important, truly helps the reader smoothly transition throughout a collection of paragraphs. Online Format includes using larger text and more space between paragraphs, because a computer screen makes reading smaller, tighter text more of burden. This is not a criticism of your work, just a request to make reading your work easier for potential readers. :) You are doing a good job from what I can tell, although I have not read very much. Please keep writing. Have a nice day.
-Romeana