The End of My Time Series; My Demons (Part 3 of 5)

Part 3 of 5

After the deadly decision I made in the forest, when my mortal life on earth came to an end I have wondered aimlessly through the world I once knew. Souls all around, I see their changes since I crossed over to the other side. Some are sadden by my choice, others seem happy. Their reactions mean nothing to me. Nothing means anything to me. That life is over... That life has ended. Since the end of my days, I have been but a spirit among the living. Searching around, I have learned more about the people who were once close to me. I can see their souls... Inside each, are lies... hate.... rage. They may put smiles on their face but I see through that. Each has something that eats at them. Hide it they may, but it is not hidden from me. I give them all props as they have handled what eats at them much better then I did.

When I made the choice long ago I knew it would be my end. Facing no other options I made the best possible choice, I thought. Did I think wrong? No time to second guess! I watched that night as the hiker found my remains. He puked instantly at the sight of my charred corpse. He ran... He went to get help... well get help is an understatement. There was no help for me anymore. I saw my fried remains loaded up into the vehicle to be taken to the morgue. The only thing that upsetted me at the time was that my remains were not put to good use. I am sure that wolf would have loved to feed off of me. Maybe, that's what he wanted all along.

Being a spirit, free to move as I pleased has it perks. However, I can not interact with any mortal. I am not able to do anything that a mortal could. All I can do is think.... Perhaps I should have thought harder before I made the choice I did that day. Still, I laugh. I should have thought harder? Perhaps *** should have thought harder before *** made the choice which made me make the choice I made.

In our short lives as mortals, we all make mistakes. We learn from them and move on. However, moving on was not an option for me. I could no longer live the life I lived. Better off dead, was the only way I could see my life after *** made that choice. The ultimate insult to my manhood. For weeks I lived in silence. No one could read my facial expressions. Why? Because I had none! A blank expression was all I could show the world. It was all I had left. Some tried to cheer me up. Nothing worked. I watched as my friends started to give up on me. They said I had changed, I was no longer me. They talked, but the words did not effect me. I learned how to drown out the world around me and began to pay attention to the voices in my head.

The voices comforted me. Darkness engulfed my world as my faith had fallen. The voices talked to me and showed me what I needed to do. The voices became my savior, and lead me to making the ultimate decision. I could not live with *** choice. I sacrificed everything through my life to make *** happy but it was all in vein. Nothing worked! The voices told me that since I sacrificed everything that it was time to make the ultimate sacrificed, to become the sacrifice. I saw it as a way to spite ***. I knew it would bring *** pain and at the time, that made me smile. I believed that what comes around, goes around. Karma! The voices encouraged me... motivated me. So I sat out on that faithful day with one goal in mind. To never return.

I told no one of my plan. I said no goodbyes. I told no one I loved them. Love no longer was in my dictionary. I used to know love, but love was ended by *** choice. All I left for the world was a note. In the note I told everyone what I truly thought about them. I left nothing behind! I may have hurt some feelings but that did not bother me. I no longer had a conscience. I merely hoped that the end would come quick. As I left the note and walked out of the door I smiled. For the first time in weeks I had shown a smile. The smile came from knowing that soon it would all be over. I then headed into the woods, and the rest is history.