The End of My Time Series; A Dark Cold Life (Part 1 of 5)

This is part 1 of 5... I posted this on Myspace and my friends liked it, so I wanted to post it here. This is purely fictional and I do not plan on doing anything that this story says. Enjoy!

How come I am out here in this world under the dark night sky? I question my actions and wonder what would have been had I done things differently. As I walk under the moonlight I have flashbacks.

Flashback to that day, when the clouds lifted and my world was lit up. Flashback to the day when I fucked up and  made a big mistake. Living with regrets from that day. Another flashback shows me the happy days. The fun times, the good times... Flashback to just months ago... How quick things change I notice.

I snap back to reality and notice the moon is no longer in the sky. Total darkness encroaches me. I am trapped. No where to run, no one to turn to. Darkness.... Darkness...

A light flashes and I see images of things that have yet to be. These images haunt me. Can I avoid what is to be?  I continue to look at these images. Another persons happiness, another persons failure. Seems failure is all I have known. No actions means what is to be, will be. Is there actions that can twist this fate? Happiness for one equals a life of misery for another. Does it have to be that way? I flash forward further down the road and see my life. It isn't complete. A blank void feels my life as my future prospect flashes back to this very point of my life. My future prospect looks at this day and wonders why.

The images fade and I am now in a downpour of rain. I am drenched but it doesn't not phase me. Nothing seems to phase me anymore except ***.  I walk though the rain on this dark lonely night. How symbolic is it that the conditions tonight are a beacon to me of what is to come? Wishing things could be different does not help, it will never help. Nothing helps anymore.

The rain turns to snow... All is cold. My heart is cold. Cold is better then nothing. As I walk... I lose feeling. Nothing matters anymore. Life surrounded in darkness. Past mistakes have brought me to this point. As I continue my journey and weigh what few options have left. None seem to be able to have the power to give me what I want, what my life needs. I guess my future will always have that blank void tugging at me..... a constant reminder of my greatest failure.

Even colder now, harder to breath. My body is numb. Whats my purpose? What is the point anymore? Can I really continue without ***? Maybe in another life? Do I still have a chance? Is this really my fate? Could things have turned out differently? Questions run through my head but for none, I have the answer. Snow all around, my body can no longer continue this journey. I collapse.

As I lay on the ground, I see my life once again flash before my eyes. This time I see things minus ***. A life that never had the light. Dark clouds filled my life. Never a sunny day, never a happy day. I see myself at this very point in the life without ***. No sparkle in my eyes, no light in my soul. A life, incomplete. The images of this life I have in vision make me realize something very important.

I come to as a wolf touches me and licks me. It has awaken me and I look into its grey eyes. This wolf seems to place in me a new found confidence. It tells me to get up. No matter how many times you get knocked down, GET BACK UP! This wolf stares at me and growls. I know what it wants. It wants me to carry on and get out of this frozen hell I endure. I force myself off of the icy ground and the wolf looks pleased. It nods at me and runs off into the forest.

I continue my cold journey and contemplate everything. Every single thing. That last vision of a life without *** makes me see it all in perspective. Even if this last hail mary I prepare to throw comes up short, I still have the memories. My life was saved by ***. I am very grateful for all the good I endured. I am grateful for the sunny days I had. However, now I know I can face the dark days that lie ahead. I will take this last chance, but I know now that even though the odds are against me... this is a gamble I must take to try and change the course of fate. If this last second pass comes up short, so be it. I'll move on and live to play another season!

Author's Note

Do you like it? This is par 1 of 5..

Reviews

[Life Calling!!!]

Hmm....quite interesting....it says a lot of things but keeps you in the dark about what is being said! Fabulous how you have used so many words and still haven't said too much......and, if I may ask, what's with that '***" ? I mean, anyone can interpret it in any way one wants to, you know...it could be 'you'...a person you might be talking about....or it could be 'sex'....there are so many things it could be.....of course, I've only read the first part yet....so I guess I should read the rest before making any conjectures....but, overall, I think it makes a good read...Keep posting more works...