"Just the Two of Them"

Carly and her Daddy - trying to live without Amanda (mom and wife) who recently passed away.

"Please Daddy, can we go outside now" she asked her father pleadingly.  "I finished all my dinner, even ate all my peas!".  She held her hands in a prayerful grip; wiggling them as she held them at her chin, right underneath her best "gimme gimme" smile. 

 

"Oh, alright, go get your coat and boots on.  Let me clear these dishes and I will meet you on the porch."

 

He promised her that they would go sledding after dinner.  She had been patient all afternoon - kneeling on the couch with her face pressed to the glass, watching the snow falling outside, piling up creating a smooth white surface perfect for sledding.  He could not say no to her sweet smile or sparkle in her eyes, and he would do anything to make her happy.  Anything.

 

Very little made her smile lately, after losing her mother the summer before.  The cancer came on suddenly and took her quickly.  Little Carly still does not understand why God would taker her mommy away from her, and if he was honest with himself, he could not understand it either.

 

It was just the two of them now, and he did his very best to make her smile, and while he was not always successful, he never quit trying.

 

Once outside, warm in his parka, he grabbed the sled and took her hand as she grinned up at him.  It was amazing just how she looked like her mother.  It broke his heart every time she smiled like that, missing her so much.  At times he could hardly breathe.

 

Together, they trudged up the street to the top.  He and plopped her warm padded little body on the sled, carefully holding onto it until he took his place behind her.  Keeping a foot on the ground, he handed Carly the rope attached to the front of it and he got comfortable.  "You ready little girl?" he asked her, building the anticipation of flying down the snow.  "YES, Daddy, let's go...let's GO!"  

 

"Hang on...let's see how fast this baby can go...maybe we can go so fast we can fly up to heaven and see mommy.... HERE WE GO!!!”

 

They did not make it to heaven that night, but they spend the better part of an hour slipping down the snow on that wooden sled.  And for that hour, the hurt and pain and sadness were somehow held at bay and only smiles and laughter filled his aching heart.  It did them both some good to just have some fun. 

 

After about the 15th run down the snow-covered street, Shane saw the yawn that Carly was trying to hide.  He knew it was time to go inside and get ready for bed.  “Ok my little snow bunny, it is time to give the sled a rest.  The snow will be here in the morning, and we can make a few more runs after breakfast, if you are a good girl and go right to bed.  Do we have a deal?”

 

“Ok Daddy, I am kinda tired anyway.  Can I have some hot cocoa before bed, plleeeaasseeee” she whined and looked up at him.  How can he refuse that sweet face?  He knew he would give in to her.  Just be glad she is not 16 yet asking for a car, he reminded himself.

 

“Yes, hot cocoa is a necessity after any sledding adventure, don’t you know that?  We have to warm our insides, right?” 

 

“What’s a necessity Daddy?” 

 

“Never mind baby, it just means that you are going to get hot cocoa with extra marshmallows once we get into the house, so let’s go.  Last one in is a rotten tomato!!”  He yelled as he grabbed the sled and made a dash towards the house.

 

She beat him to the door, and he was winded, but he usually let her win anyway.  She loved to taunt him and do her little dance, “You’re a rotten tomatooooo” she wiggled her insulated body at him, with her hands on her hips.  God that pink coat with the white fur at the wrist and hood was simply awful.  No animal in nature would ever want that kind of fur on it’s body, or maybe it was glad to be rid of it for the adornment of her coat.  He tried to imagine the horrific animal that could have fur that looked like that.  He shook his head at the thought.

 

Once inside the house, he added a log or two to the fire and headed towards the kitchen for the cocoa making.  “If you want your insides warmed, you had better go put on your nightgown and get to the table toot sweet missy!!” he hollered at her down the hallway.  He felt good.  Maybe the endorphins were kicking in from the short run from the street to the house, or maybe the darkness was beginning to lift.  Either way, he was just happy to be happy, even if it only lasts for a little while.

 

The next morning drifted into his consciousness after a very restful sleep.  It had been months since he slept so soundly.  He really felt great.  He tried to hold it at bay, knowing the heaviness was still there, lurking just outside the door to his heart.  He filled his mind with thoughts of sledding with his little girl.  Hoping the sweet memories from the night before would be a vicious guard dog and would bark loudly at the heaviness and hold it at bay for just a few more hours.

 

He walked to the bathroom and heard her voice.  She was talking to someone, but who?  He stopped just outside her bedroom and listened. “Mommy, you should have been there, we had such a fun time sledding last night.  And Daddy made hot cocoa just like you, with lots of marshmallows.  It was cold but I had so much fun.  We tried to get the sled to go fast enough to get to heaven to see you.  I miss you so much.”  Then quiet, he heard her little sobs and sniffles.  She was trying to be so strong.  He held back the choke in his throat.  Carly was trying to be so brave for him.  He could see that now.  He had to help her grieve and he needed that too.  He told himself that they would just have to grieve together. 

 

He wiped his eyes, and cleared his throat, “Carly-Warly.... are you awake?”   He heard her drop whatever was in her hands and her little foot-stomps on the wood floor as she ran to him.  He quickly made his way to the kitchen so she would no know he was listening.  Her privacy was very important to him and he never wanted to invade her time with her mommy.

 

The footfalls got louder and then there she was, hugging his legs, at the knees.  He stood there with the carafe in his hand and he looked down at her as she buried her head in his thigh.  “Good morning Angel, did you sleep good? Did you dream about the sled?” 

 

“No Daddy, I didn’t dream.  I have not dreamed for a long time.”  



 

“You probably have Baby, but sometimes we don’t remember our dreams.” 

 

“Did you dream Daddy?”

 

He thought for a moment.  He was going to tell a white lie and not bring up Amanda, but if they were truly going to grieve together, he had to be honest with his little girl. “Yes, I did.  I dreamt about Mommy”.

 

Carly’s eyes grew really wide.  “REALLY?  Oh, Daddy, tell me about it.”

 

“Well, I dreamt that she and I were in a huge green meadow.  The grass was so tall, and the sun was bright orange in the blue sky.  We had a blanket out and we were having a picnic.  It was so nice and peaceful.”

 

“Was I in your dream Daddy?”

 

“Not this time, it was just Mommy and I.  You know, we spent a lot of time together alone before you arrived.  We would go to this one place and have picnic’s all the time.  This was how we both really got to know one another Carly.  We would talk for hours.”

 

“I wish we could go on a picnic now, with her.”  Carly dropped her head and was quiet for a moment, as if she was deciding what to say next.  “I miss her.  I want my Mommy.”

 

Carly was trying so desperately to hold back her tears, but Shane could see her little shoulders shaking.  He knelt down there in the kitchen, and held his little girl and said, “Baby, I miss her too.  So very much.  Go ahead, cry Carly.  I will cry with you.  It is ok to tell me you miss her.  We can miss her together.  Ok?”

 

Just then, my little girl looked up at me and with her wet face gave me a look that showed the pain in her heart and her words were ones from a soul that was older than her mere 6 years...”It’s ok Daddy, you can cry too.  We can put our broken hearts together and make a new one.”

Author's Note

a chapter of a potential book (?) I never know what or how to start a story and if it is worthy of continuing. I sincerely value your input. ~Lola

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

Could be a good book. You create sad situation and strong characters.
"s trying so desperately to hold back her tears, but Shane could see her little shoulders shaking. He knelt down there in the kitchen, and held his little girl and said, “Baby, I miss her too. So very much. Go ahead, cry Carly. I will cry with you. It is ok to tell me you miss her. We can miss her together. Ok?”
The above lines left sad place and create vision of great sadness. Thank you for sharing the excellent story.
Coyote

[Lola Nevius]

Thank you. I do think that this is a storyline that I will pursue. I sincerely appreciate your time in reading my chapter. ~Lola

[Coyote Poetry]

I enjoyed your work. Would be a good story and you are welcome.

[Robert Parlange]

Very good. Fiction is about emotion. It has to touch the heart. This certainly does. A good “hook” for a novel.
Cancer has devastated the women in my life. This captured that feeling of loss.

[Lola Nevius]

Cancer has taken both of my parents and other family members, so unfortunately, it is a subject that I know all too well. However, this story tells a side of the story that I have not experienced first hand (other than Carly's loss as a daughter). Thank you your kind words about my writing. I feel inspired! ~Lola