Let it Go

I never rhyme and so I am sorry if I give you a headache, but I'm in the mood! Also I need a title for this one-suggestions are welcome!

Why do I have both hopes and dreams

when neither one is what it seems-

a hope is false and made of lies

whilst dreams are fading brain stem cries.

 

And yet I pin my future here-

on concepts still for most unclear,

so why I ask can't I escape

the grip they keep upon my fate?

 

Tis' not because I falsely feel,

that either one my soul will heal-

nor do I think they hold the key

to my life's harsh soliloquy.

 

It is because though fading fast

my hopes and dreams will longer last

than anything that I can touch.

Oh damn these ghosts to which I clutch!

 

Reviews

Hm... There's something about the ending which irks me. Perhaps "rasp" just doesn't carry the impact or meaning you meant it to, or maybe it's just because I find it to be a silly-sounding word. The only suggestion I can think of is "than anything I can touch/oh damn these ghosts to which I clutch" but that entirely changes the meaning. If it were my own poem, I wouldn't mind such a shift, but I am hesistent to suggest it.

Otherwise though, your rhyme and rhythm doesn't seem irregular, so while you say you "don't rhyme" you did well here. And the overall message rings with me quite well - our hopes and dreams are really just hopes and dreams, but we cling to them anyway. So, I suppose I could say bluntly I like how this poem turned out. If you're ever in the mood to try rhyming poem again I would certainly be interested in seeing more.

[Bernice-Marie]

I love the opening lines it just grabs you straight away
It had a nice ring to it