Needle in a haystack...

Don't tell me I'm a child, when I'm more mature than you are.

Don't tell me I'm no good, I have my own standards.

Don't tell me My ideas don't count, when it's not what you were thinking.

Don't tell me I can't, just because you couldn't.

Don't tell me who I am, because only I know my own heart.

Don't tell me I'm not important, when I don't fit into your plan.

Don't tell me I don't understand, because I don't go with the first answer.

 

I will never think only with my head.

I will always read between the lines.

I can't dance to the beat of your drum.

I won't agree to disagree,

 

I don't paint by numbers.

I never play follow the leader.

I won't conform.

 

You can't force me into submission.

You can't make me obey.

You make all these rules but what are they really for?

 

To steal our originality,

To limit our ability,

To water down our lives,

To extinguish our flames,

To mold and shape us into statues,

To make us just another face in the crowd?

 

Well, let this be my declaration...I refuse to go quietly. 

Reviews

[Delilah Dunn]

Your work gives me the slightest of chills sometimes. I love the word choice that you use and the way that you develop the poem maturely from beginning to end. I like that it has a sort of opening and closing, but the form is somewhat disorganized, as if you are trying to symbolize your originality against the conformity of the world. Very, very nice.

A few of my thoughts;

There is a line between rebelling for a cause, and rebelling for the sake of rebelling. To give my opinion, the former is good and the latter is bad. To fight against a rule because it is unjust or unfair should be encouraged, but to fight against rules simply because they are rules should contrarily be discouraged. Rules are, after all, created for a reason. The poem overall seems to be about the spirit of individualism, so I'll define that as the cause: Rebelling for the sake of individualism. That's just to establish what I'm about to say next.

"Don't tell me I'm a child, If I'm smarter than you are." This is a very boastful line to open with, compared to the tone you are setting. the message is clear regardless, but that sounds arrogant as well as rebellious, which leans towards rebellion for rebellion's sake. On top of that, I wouldn't relate age with intelligence as much as I would maturity. I think personally I would go with a variation of "Don't tell me I'm a child, when I am as mature as you".

The next stanza is mostly rebelling for individualism. The lines that sticks out is "I won't agree to disagree", which I don't like. It's hypocritical; you write about doing things your own way but this line implies you won't let others do things their way.

Another line I dislike, "You make all these rules but what are they really for?" I don't like it, simply because most rules are imposed with good reason. Taking governmental law as an example, the laws are in place to protect people. It's when the laws are enforced to their letter without regards to their spirit (such as firing someone for being a minute late for work because of a traffic jam) that there is an issue. I would make that particular line (perhaps split it in two for more room to write) about this strict adherence, rather than attacking the idea of rules in general.

I think though, at the end of reading the poem these are just small points that have only a minor effect on the tone of the poem as a whole. I don't usually get so in-depth with my suggestions; it just goes to show how well this poem pulled me in. My prior wall of text notwithstanding, I found this to be a forceful and commanding poem, and you did a great job with it.

[Orlando Murcia]

Very powerful
It had a wonderful form
and the aggression was pure
excellence

I really liked this alot
It was like a " I take charge " message
kind of aswell

Great work!

Orlando M