But By The Father: An Elegy

King Gwefldn has fallen. His people had gathered to honour a great king with a wake that lasts three days. This is one of the stories of someone touched by the King. Based on a song from Genesis.

I stand before you to tell you of what the King gave me. In many ways, a more personal elegy than some. For you all know much of me and my life. But I want to tell you of a King who gave me his hand in kinship when my family would not.

Throughout my pain and growth, he stood beside me, a source of strength and compassion. Throughout my discovery and journey, he was a gentle hand of guidance. Firm but fatherly. Through him, I was shown one could not be perfect but one could strive for perfection.

Thus my elegy will not deal with a battle or adventure aboard. This is about an adventure in which he helped me with that what has made me the man who now stands before you.

My tale starts back in my youth, when I was a young sprout of thirteen. My mother had died three years earlier, leaving my father and I alone. My father was always a hard man who believed strength and character was learnt through the strap and hand. But after my mother died, he grew more and more morose and was quick to anger. Every slight was answered with the sting of the hand or the bite of a strap.

Days grew long and hard, for my father did not bring on a hand. The work of three was done by two, sometimes by one. With every day and every sting on my face or buttocks, I grew wearier in body and soul. The only thing which kept me through that time was the knowledge that my thirteenth birthday was approaching. When I would be eligible for schooling. Each day, as it approached, the days grew longer and longer. The stings became stronger and stronger

My birthday started with nary a word except “Out to the fields with you!” As I toiled in the fields, I would frequently look up, waiting and hoping for the sign of riders. I would not lie to say, as the morn past, my heart grew heavier and heavier. Had the King forgotten me? Had my father done something so they would not come to get me? Would I spend the rest of my life under his hand?

In the early afternoon, the riders came. I ran from the fields to the homestead. As I sped to the house, I saw my father arguing with three men. His hand was tight around a shovel.

“He is going nowhere,” I could hear him say. “I need him for the lands.”

“But you can get another, dear sir.” One of the men replied.

“I have all I need. Begone!” was my father’s answer.

I must have looked like a mad man, as I ran forward, shouting and screaming. I could see that I was being sentenced to a life of drudgery and subservience.

“You, be silent!” my father ordered.

“But, father...”

The back of his hand flew out. I fell back, the bitter taste of blood on my tongue.

“Sir, that is not the manner to treat a young man!” The eldest of the men spoke. He stood before my father, with a regal stance. His head was helmless, his hair of wheat flowing in large braids over his shoulders. His silver mail shimmered in the afternoon sun, showing loops of silvery green and blue. The small dragon emblazoned on his chest plate seemed to be breathing fire.

This was the first time I laid eyes on that face. That stern face with piercing green eyes, sparkling with amusement. The strong face which never told one how he felt. This was the first time I saw King Gwefldn; Prince Gwefldn at the time.

“He must learn his place. Coddling him will only make him earstherls like yourself.”

The keen sound of a sword being unsheathed filled the silence. Gwefldn put his hand on his man.

“Stay your blade, Ceithor. The tongue of a peasant can be sharp but does not desire the bite of your blade.”

Gwefldn turned to stare at my father. “It is the law of the land that all young men, when they reach the age of ten plus three, to go and gain learning. Do you wish to go against the law of the land?”

“The law of the land allows exceptions, sir.” My father said smoothly. He gave me a quick, sharp glance as a warning. “I am a widower and I have need for my son.”

“But we can provide you with some one to take his place. Which is customary in this circumstances,” Gwefldn responded with a stern voice.

“But not so near to harvest, my dear sir. I have need of someone who knows the fields. Mayhap after the harvest he can join you.”

The prince stood before my father, sweetened by the honey of my father’s words. His clenched fist reminded me to be silent.

“So be it,” Gwefldn said. Words of protest and rage rose in my throat to be bittered by fear. “If you have a change of mind, we will be in the Deer Head’s Inn for the next three days. Remember we can find one or two to help you with the harvest.”

Gwefldn turned and motioned to his men. As they turned, the one he called Ceithor, looked at me with sorrow in his eyes; as if he knew what was to become of me. The three men left. As their thundering hoofs grew more and more distant, my heart grew heavy. When they were out of sight, my father turned to me.

“Return to the field,” he said simply.

“But father....”

His clenched fist rose. “To the fields, I said. You have one purpose and that is to do as I say! Do you wish to feel my skin again?”

I rose to my feet, staring at my father. “I am a man, father. Who has no master!”

He stood, staring at me, shocked. Then he laughed.

“Insolent yelp! You have the blood of your mother.”

He then struck me with his fist. There was a sickening crunch as some of the bones in my face broke. Through the pain and tears, I looked at my father. My legs were faltering. A black rage had come over my father.

“I will bleed you of that blood before I am done!”

If he said more, I do not know. I awoke a few hours later, laying in blood caked dirt. My father was not in sight; he had left me where I had fallen. I had to brace myself against the wall as I rose. My head was light and stomach heavy.

I slowly went to the stable to clean my face. As I looked in the mirror, I could see most of my face was swollen. When I touched it, daggers of pain shot into my mind. It was then I resolved to leave. A master should not treat a slave in this manner. Let alone, a father, his son. I swore by the gods, I would leave and be a man unlike my father. I would leave him the faintest memories. No memories if possible. Leave him in a drunken haze, as he deserved.

Amongst the bleating of the sheep and barking of the dogs, I could hear him bellowing. His words were indistinguishable from the animal sounds. I left the stables and picked up my fallen sickle. For a moment, my vision blurred and I grew light-headed.

In my hand, I held a sword. The lowering sun glittered on the keen edges. The hilt was simple save for a crystal gem in the pommel. Before my vision cleared, I lifted the sword, feeling power thrumming through my arm. It’s name was Ârian. As fast as the vision appeared, it disappeared and I was left with a worn sickle in my hand and a hollow feeling in my heart. At the time, I knew not if the gods spoke to me or this was a youthful wish but I knew I had to find out.

I finished my chores some time after the sun set. My father had already eaten, leaving me stale black bread and cold soup. He said no word to me but it was clear he was still furious at my insolence. I filled my protesting stomach with soup-sopped bread. It might be the last meal I would have for some time.

Once I cleaned up the clutter my father had left in the kitchen, I retired to my room. I planned to wait until my father fell asleep and then steal away to town. I knew where the King’s men were, so I would present myself to them and enter their service. If they would not accept me, I would find someone else who would. I would never return to this hovel. Let my father wither and die here.

Time moved like a summer’s sun. As I waited, I hoped that he would not come to my room, this night, to satisfy his needs. If he drank too much, he would go straight to his room and collapse. As the time crept, I heard my father move from his chair. A bottle clinked, as it fell to the ground. He did not bother to pick it up.

Slowly, he walked toward his room. He stopped at my door; my heart pounded furiously. I did not want him to enter. Not this night. But then he continued to his room. As he fell into his bed, my heart started to slow. The fear in me started to slip away.

When I heard that sleep had taken him, I took some clothes and a dagger my mother had given me. Carefully, I opened my window and slipped into the night. The moon was but a sliver, giving no light. Steathfully, I made my way to the road.

As I walked, my veins were filled with hot fire, pushing me forward. My head was pressed with thoughts and voices. Raw instinct was controlling my movement as I stumbled along the road. The walk along that road, to town, was blank save the rage and anger which filled me. Every stone kicked and phantom hit expressed the fury flowing through me. Me, alone on the solitary road. Alone, crowded by all the surrounded me. All the memories which were stirred by my hot blood.

Alone, crowded by all the thoughts I had, a madness rose. A madness which would have allowed me to kill my father. A son blinded by fury who had lost all reason. A son driven by the pain of welts and bruises. A vessel to be used to satisfy his needs, since his wife was gone. An object, not a person. Someone of no future; one who would amount to nothing. Someone who was not worthy to carry Ârian. I was intoxicated with self-doubt and worthlessness.

Somehow, through my daze, I saw Rôln as the sun rose. C***s crowed, life started again. Animals stirred as the people did. But the sounds had no meaning to me. Sounds I wished to forget.

No matter how much I try, it would be impossible to fully describe how I felt that night. The emotions of a young man, as I was, to men of experience as yourselves. Well, suffice it to say, I arrived at the inn, where Gwefldn stayed.

It was quite a scene when I presented myself to him. He was in the main court yard, with his men at arms. Breaking fast. In I came, with a broken face, stumbling in, offering my service and loyalty. A young lad, with nothing to offer but a dagger and swollen face. But those wise eyes looked upon me. He rose from his seat and lifted me from my position. He looked at me, with those eyes.

“Never,” he said softly, “prostrate yourself! Even to me.”

Gingerly, he touched my face. I cannot say the feelings I felt, seeing the pain and anger in his eyes. As his hand slipped from my face, he turned to his men.

“Ceithor, prepare a room for the young man. And attend to his wounds. I cannot return with a man at arms in such a condition, especially since he has not seen battle!”

Gently, he released me to Ceithor. All I can say and will say is that Ceithor treated me with dignity only for nobles. Silently, with herbs and paste, he salved my face. The last time I had felt such gentleness and respect was when my mother took care of me.

“Did your father do this to you?” Ceithor asked me. I could not answer.

Ceithor spat on the ground. “One does not treat a cur in this manner.” He smiled at me. “Worry not, young man. Put it behind you. For now the rest of your life is in front of you.”

Ceithor’s voice lowered. And he said something he said I should never repeat but I shall now. He looked at me and said: “The Prince saw a great flame in you. He has the eyes, young one. He was quite disappointed when your father would not release you. But he said ‘We shall return after the harvest. For that young man should not be wielding a dull sickle.’”

I stared at Ceithor, dumbfounded. He would have come back after the harvest. And I thought he had abandoned me. That day, at that early age, I learnt never to underestimate the King.

Ceithor finished salving my face. He then asked me to remove my shirt. I refused. Shame kept me from showing him what my father had done to me.

“Now, listen boy. If I’m to perform the Prince’s order, you will removed your shirt. And then your trousers. You will have to anyway, since you will be receiving new livery.” Ceithor paused. “And from what I suspect, I will find the wounds go deeper than just your face.”

Be it his gentle manner or being it the Prince’s order, I did as he asked. I removed my dirty clothing and stood before him naked and shamed. He looked at the scars and welts. He softly swore to the gods.

“Prince Gwefldn must be told of this, this abuse.”

I grabbed Ceithor’s hand and fell to my knees. “Please, dear sir, say nothing.”

He looked at me, with surprise. “Why do you protect him?”

“I do not protect my father. Many of these were deserved.”

Ceithor glared at me. “None of what I see is deserved! No matter the crime, this punishment was undeserved!”

“I am strong willed and impudent. Please say nothing. These are for me to bear. There is no reason for the Prince to know of what once happened. This is a burden for me. I beg you. Tell nothing to the Prince.”

I suppose it seemed to be a strange image, a scared, naked boy, asking a warrior such a thing but I saw no need to tell Gwefldn what had happened to me before. And I thought Ceithor kept his word to me and never told Gwefldn. But he did. No, Ceithor, I do not harbour any ill will. I would have done the same. But the mind of a child is different than one of an adult.

With gentle hands, Ceithor took care of the wounds. It was strange since my mother had only ever touched my face. I took care of the other wounds on my body. I had no other person touch my body, except the blows of my father.

The next day, I was sent to Aeron to start my training. As I came into the city, I knew I had escaped my father and his hold. I would now be my own man. And one day, I would go to Dún Suíbhné.

Many of you knew me, as a young man. Heveyddn, Atrwn, Siawn, Gwynn, Bradwen, to name a few. You all tried to teach me, The quiet, sullen young man who was quick to anger and to use his fists.

Even though you taught otherwise, the only solution to a conflict, I could see, was with the hand or the sword. And it was the fifth cycle of my training when my fury spoke in front of Gwefldn.

An apprentice, Nerthach had stood in front of the table and insulted me. Those at the table, who knew me, moved away. I rose and asked the apprentice what he had said. He repeated his insult. It was then I turned over the table and went for Nerthach.

The fight spilled out of the lodge, the two of us rolling in the dirt. To come to the boots of Gwefldn. But our fury did not allow us to notice the boots. Our blood was boiling with the fight. And then we heard his voice.

“Am I training ruffians, here?” he asked.

We stopped when we heard the voice. The dust about us settled.

“So, am I training ruffians?” Gwefldn asked again.

“Do not ask me, Sire,” Nerthach answered. “It was he who attacked me.”

“Is this true?”

“Yes,” I answered hotly.

“And why did you deem it worthy to roll in the dirt with him?”

I rose from the ground to see Taliesin behind the Prince. The sight of the bristling eyebrows and sharp eyes scared me. I could not answer. Gwefldn waved Nerthach away. He then looked at me, again.

“You didn’t answer me. What insult is so great that you would soil your clothes?”
I looked away from the great druid. In a small voice, I answered the Prince’s question. “He called me a doul.”

“That is all?”

The anger returned to me. I puffed my chest, in challenge. “What do you mean, that is all?” I challenged. Suddenly, I withered under the gaze of Taliesin. A fear gripped me.

“Insolent whelp! Do you not know how to speak to the Prince?” he growled at me. I felt doomed, angering Taliesin. But Gwefldn laughed.

“Stay your anger, Taliesin.” Gwefldn put his hand on my shoulder. “Will you now answer my question without any displays? Why were you so enraged?”

“As I said, Sire, he called me a doul.”

“I see,” he said. He released my shoulder. “I will see you later, Taliesin.”

The druid stood there, indecisive. “But, Sire...”

“I will see you in a little while. Please go.”

Taliesin glared at me and then glanced at Gwefldn. “Do you not see the darkness in this lad? A shadow lays over him.”

To my surprise, the Prince laughed again. “A darkness lays over all of us. It is only when we succumb to it when the danger comes. Oh great Taliesin, I see more here. Trust me.”

Taliesin’s gaze would not leave me. “Will you now take my council?”

“Always, dear friend. Always. I will take it but my decisions are mine to make.” Gwefldn faced the druid. “Let me see with my eyes. For what I see, I am not wrong. And what if I am? We all make mistakes.”

“There is cruelty in him, Sire. He is wild and untameable. He is quick to temper and will bring only ruin on himself. And possible you.”

“We shall see. As you have said so many time before, the future is unknown. We only see what paths are likely but we do not know which path we will take.”

Taliesin looked away from me. “Do as you wish, Sire. But I am saying this, right now. I will keep an eye on this ruffian. And I will tell you when I fear he will bring danger.”

“I ask no more and no less. But you will see. Bilewit has a great future before him. If he is willing to take that hard road.”

Taliesin gave me one more look. I shrunk away from his gaze. In a huff, the druid walked away, leaving no footprints in the dust. Gwefldn laughed as the druid walked away.

“Take no mind of what he said. He is suspicious of everything and everyone. But he will see.” The Prince turned to me.

“Now, will you tell me why you took such offence when the apprentice called you a doul?”

I looked down at the ground. “I cannot really say.”

“You take insult but you don’t know why?”

“Well, people would not accept me if it were true.”

“Why?”

“Not everyone is accepting of duncarring. They would not accept and respect me.”

Gwefldn put his hand on my should and guided me to a bench. We sat down.

“Whether you are or are not is not the issue, Bilewit. People will not accept or respect you if you cannot accept and respect yourself.” Gwefldn paused. “Is this because you have felt the urgings?”

I could not answer the Prince. I looked at the ground.

Gwefldn put his hand under my chin and lifted my head. “There is nothing to be ashamed about. People have, behind my back, hinted that I am a doul.”

“What? You?”

“Of course. I have not taken a wife yet, so this has people whispering duncarring. But if you are, if you accept it yourself, then people will have to accept it. You underestimate people. Now be off and try not to get into any trouble.”

And I left Gwefldn at the bench. I was confused by our talk. But, at the same time, his concern and advice was given freely. But I knew, I would have to watch myself, with Taliesin watching over me. I knew not what he might say or do. As I walked away, Gwefldn called out to me. I stopped and turned to him. He rose from the bench and walked up to me.

“Bilewit,” he said. “Beware of the heart, at times. It can be an anchor. An anchor that can weigh you down. To a point you don’t know where to turn. A great bard once wrote about that. One day, at æfengereord, ask for the Ácunnung of Silence. Mayhap, even Taliesin may sing it for you.”

I never asked for the song at æfengereord. I did my best to avoid many people. My only thoughts were that Taliesin was watching me. He could prevent me from giving my service to Gwefldn.

So I kept my temper. To release it, in town, as we roamed the doss-houses. As the others looked for fens, I sat and drank. I had no interest in them. With the little money we had, all we could afford were fens. And many, I saw, were covered in too much dust and sweet-water. To cover whatever blemish they had. And to show enough flesh to lure the young and randy.

There was one night, our group was in a doss-house. The fens were particularly repulsive. One in particular smiled at me from the bar. Showing me she had no teeth. I put down a foont for my ale and left my mates to their fun. In my wanderings, I ended up near the waterfront. I saw a flash-ken and walked in.

The air was smoky and pungent. I sat at a table, alone. The ale-draper came to take my order. Eyes glanced at me Even though I was not in livery, I did not fit in the place. Many of the people looked like they were thieves and that sort. The type which hang around a flash-ken.

As I was drinking my ale, a man came up to me. He smiled, to show his rotting teeth. He wore a thread-bare jerkin. His skin was weathered by age and travel.

“And what brings such a delicacy here?” he asked.

I turned my gaze to my ale. “The price of ale.”

The man laughed. “The young pup looks for cheap ale. But can he pay the price to leave?”

I looked at the man. “And what might the price be?”

He smiled, again revealing his rotting teeth. “A young pup like you can easily pay that price. Especially being in the King’s keep.”

“And what is that supposed to mean?”

The man suggestively rubbed his crotch. “Either you are an avering or a doul to be in the King’s keep.”

I leapt to my feet, knocking over the table and spilling my ale on the ground. The man backed away from me but he was not fast enough. I grabbed the material of his breast and lifted the man. I glared at him. He spewed apologies and begged for forgiveness. I threw him against a wall. He fell, crumpled to the floor. Blood oozed from his nostrils and mouth. I heard the death rattle and I realized I had killed this man. I stared at body on the ground.

In blind fear, I ran. I ran into the night, away from Aeron. Away from what I had done. I travelled down the road, not knowing, in my fear, where it would lead. But it was an escape.

The sun rose in the eastern sky. Spilling colour everywhere. But I did not really notice. I kept running. As the sun rose in the sky, I heard a cry. A cry of an eagle. I stopped to look. Far in the sky, I could see the faint shadow of an eagle, gliding through the air. It turned and swooped down into the forest. It disappeared from my sight.

I looked about the area and realized I had gone leagues. Aeron was far behind. And the run had parched my throat. I knew the road and there was a spring not far from where I stood. So I went to the cold waters, to soothe my sore throat.

As my head rose from the waters, I saw the most magnificent man, standing at the edge of the spring. He was dress in a mail of greens and browns. His long brown hair flowed over his shoulders. His bright, grey eyes looked up me and I swooned.

“Rise, Bilewit.” I did as he said.

“We are not happy,” he continued. “By now, we thought it would be out of you.”

“What?” I asked. “What would be out of me?”

The magnificent man walked away from the spring edge I sprinted after him. I did not want to lose him. He walked into a weald. Gwefldn was seated in the clearing, before a gwyddbwyll board. He moved a peg.

“Your move,” he said to the magnificent man. Gwefldn did not even look at me.

The man walked to the board. He gave it a quick glance and then laughed.

“Not a good move.” The man moved a peg. With the move, he was able to remove half of Gwefldn’s pegs.

“The right move is to bleed him of his mother’s blood!” he cried in victory. The man turned, to look at me. I was looking at my father, laughing at me. “Bleed him of his mother’s blood!”

I ran with him in pursuit. Then to suddenly wake up in the flash-ken. My head on the table. A hand was helping me. I looked up to see Gwefldn. And the room showed no sign of a struggle or fight. There was no crumpled figure against the wall. Gwefldn said no words as we left the place. My mind was addled from what I had see or thought I had seen. But as we approached my lodge, my mind was clearing.

“What were you doing in a place like that?” I asked the Prince.

He stopped and looked at me. “I saw some things. So I went out, in search of you.”

“What things?”

“All I can say is that I saw a gwyddbwyll board.”

I stared at him, jaw slack. “You saw the vision, also. You were playing with my father!”

Gwefldn said nothing. He lead me to the lodge. At the door, he stopped. Gently, he put his hand on my cheek.

“I was not playing with your father, cnafa. I was playing with you.” And then he left me, in the darkness of the night. Leaving me with the confusion of his words. I saw my father playing with him, not me. Why were our visions different?

In time, I finished my training. I was proud that I was one of the best in my class. Be it using a sword or a lance. My horsemanship was excellent. I had all the skills to be a man at arms for the Prince or the King. On the day, when we were to graduate and be placed, Taliesin came to my room.

“I’ve come to tell you of your assignment.” Even though I feared the druid, I was pleased it was him who came to me. This was a good omen.

“You have been assigned to the Eorl of Seithved,” he told me in a simple voice.

“What?” I shouted. “You’ve had me assigned to some forsaken edge of the lands!”

“I have no say in this matter.”

My fear of the druid was overtaken by my anger. “So you say, druid!” I cursed. “You’ve found a way to remove me. Send me to the outest reaches of his lands. Well, I will not stand for it!”

Taliesin stood before me, bristling in magick and anger. I looked at him and laughed. “If you want to strike at me, do so. Do so now, otherwise move aside. I will take care of this, myself.”

I strode by Taliesin. You may not agree, Taliesin, but I would say you were quite taken aback by my forwardness. And brashness. I marched to the main hall of the castle, where Gwefldn was holding court.

As I came into the hall, he noticed my entrance. He did not seem pleased by my intrusion. But with the anger I felt, I did not care. How could he agree to Taliesin’s suggestion to send me so far away? How can I be of help to him in some forsaken coastline? So far away from Dún Suíbhné?

“What do you want, Bilewit?” he asked me, crossly.

“I demand to know why you’ve allowed me to be send to Seithved!”

Gwefldn moved to the edge of his throne. “You demand?”

“Yes, I do. You said you only take your druid’s voice as council but you make the decisions. Now you let him decided to send me away.”

Gwefldn rose from his throne, anger in his eyes. “I would suggest you watch your words, apprentice. Or have you forgotten that this is all you are?”

“I deserve better than Seithved.”

Gwefldn walked down steps, toward me. “You deserve better? Says who?”

“I do!”

The Prince looked at me and then the assembled crowd. He let out a sharp laugh. “So you question my decision?” he asked coldly.

“No! I question the advice of Taliesin.”

The court grew silent because of the words I had uttered.

“So you say that the decision was made because of Taliesin?”

“He has voiced his distrust of me. Now I am of age, he would do his best to remove me from you.”

Fury flashed in Gwefldn’s eyes. “How dare you?” he said softly so no one else could hear. “Do you think so highly of yourself? So you know, it was my decision to send you to Seithved. Taliesin had no part in the decision.”

Gwefldn paused, trying to regain his composure. “I suggested you spend the time there to learn. To look beyond yourself. Otherwise you will never find yourself in my inner circle. And I swear to that, Bilewit!”

His voice grew menacing. “I am your liege and sovereign, save my father. If you wish to dishonour me in front of my people, then you have shown your true form. Mayhap Taliesin was right!”

As he uttered his last words, my anger fled, to be replaced by shame. Hot tears filled my eyes as I ran out of the court. All the work I had done, to prove myself to Gwefldn now was for naught. I wandered about, confused and hurt. I heard a cry in the sky. I looked up and saw a shadow of an eagle. In good times, I would taken this as a omen of good tides. But now, it was a mockery of my plight.

Through my wanderings, I found an ale house. I stumbled in and took a table. The ale-draper came to take my order. He was impressed to see me, one of the final cycle apprentices, gracing his establishment. I gruffly ordered an ale. He said he would send his wench to bring it to me.

The flagon of ale was brought to me. I pulled out a foont, to pay the bill. I looked up to the wench and saw it was the magnificent man I had seen before, in my vision. He smiled at me.

“It is on the house,” he said. As he walked away, I leapt to my feet and followed him. He was bringing another flagon of ale to a back room. As the door opened, I saw a table with a gwyddbwyll board. As I followed the man in, I saw Gwefldn at the board. He made a move.

The man put the ale by the Prince. He looked at the board. He made a move. Both were equally matched. His move did nothing to advance his position. Then she turned to me. I was looking at my mother.

“Everyone has a journey to make,” she said. “Along the path strewn with small mistakes we have made. Listen to your inner voice. Let your heart cry out and be free. The blood which flows through you is strong. Do not let a stumble stop you.”

I then awoke, in the ale house, with a full stein of ale. No one was looking at me, for there were many celebrating. I was one of the many, that evening. I drank the ale and left a foont. I walked through the city, trying to sort my thoughts and feelings. I was confused and hurt.

As I wandered, I noticed that many people were avoiding me. Word had already spread about my display in the main hall. After what I had done, there was no way I could stay in Aeron. Or go to Dún Suíbhné. I had to go to Seithved.

I left the next day. I took very little with me. My livery, bed roll, some trinkets and my memories. As part of graduating, I had been presented a horse. I don’t know if it was because of my temper or my horsemanship but I was given a spirited horse. I named her Salgar. After my mother.

I quickly left Aeron, without saying goodbye to anyone. After I what I had done, I thought it best to just leave. Eventually, I hoped, people would forget my impetuous behaviour. As I travelled, I avoided all inns, sleeping under the night sky. The solitude helped me clear my mind.

In a week, I arrived in Dún Delgan, the capital of Seithved,. I presented myself to the master at arms, Fintan. He informed me I was a bit early. They were not expecting me for another week, because of all the celebrations that occur after graduation. I told him I wished to start my stewardship as soon as possible. He smiled and arranged to have me brought to my quarters.

I will not bore you with all the details of my time there. This is about the King and how he affected my life, not me. But I will have to tell of a few incidents before Gwefldn arrived in Seithved. Some of these you know, some you may not. A couple, none of you do know. Even Taliesin.

I served Wadu, Eorl of Seithved faithfully but I was a hard man. With those above me, I used charm and soft words. But those beneath me, I used a heavy hand. I remember, one time, as a page was picking himself up, after I had hit him, he asked me why was I such a cruel master. I looked at him, surprised.

“I do not treat you cruelly. But you must learn your place. I do not wish to beat you but how else will you learn? I am as pained as you are. I do not wish to use force, Mab. But sweet words only coddle. When you become a man, you will see the wisdom in my words.”

Mab sprinted out of my room. As the door closed, I hoped he understood what I had told him. I honestly believed the words I spoke to the page.

It was six turns at Seithved when I received word of the sacrament of firen. My father had waited close to six cycles before he put forth the sacrament. At the time, I did know he had taken a new wife.

Because of the shifting of papers, by the time I found out of the sacrament, it was too late. Even though Wadu offered me time to return to Rôln, I refused. He offered to petition King Eóghan on my behalf. I told him not to waste the King’s time. He was not my father, after I had walked down the road, to Rôln, that night.

But I sat in my room and raged. I looked at the parchment of the proclamation. The sacrament of firen was called because of what he called outrage and suffering. Because I left during the harvest. Giving him little money during the down season. He had to get help from the neighbours to survive, he said. Which embarrassed him, leading to suffering and outrage.

What outrage and suffering? This from a man who did not work in the fields? This from a man who taught me with his hand and strap? This from a man who Mother would try to keep me quiet so I would not annoy him? And he dared say he suffered? And why did he wait so long? Did he honestly believe that I might return? I would come back and submit myself to that treatment?

I smashed many things in the room. I raged. I screamed. I stormed out of my room. I vaguely remember some people trying to talk to me or stop me. I pushed them aside. The walls of the castle were moving in toward me. I leapt onto Salgar and sped out of Dún Delgan.

I galloped along the narrow trails which snake along the crags of the cliff tops, beside the ocean. I could hear the waves crashing against the rocks, below. The wind flew through my loose brown hair. In a while, I could feel Salgar tire. I spurred her to a stop.

I let her graze in the grass as I sat on the edge of a cliff. The white heads of waves crashed into the rocks and were gone. An endless cycle. Countless birds flew above them, using the wind currents. Some soared, some flew into the crags which were their homes. Some had problems with the wind.
As I stared at the water, I heard the cry of an eagle. Once again, there was the shadow. This time I did not care or heed the call. I sat at the edge, watching the waves came in. Dying at the edges of the rocks. Throwing themselves against the hardness of the land and losing the battle. As I stared at the rocks, I heard a voice behind me.

“Why are the waves losing?”

I spun around quickly, to see the magnificent man of my visions. But because of my sudden motions, I slipped on the edge of the cliff. I reached out and grabbed an old root as I fell. It stopped my fall, for the moment.

I clamoured to grab something else with my other hand. My feet just met rock and could not find a foothold. As I grabbed at another root, the man peered over the edge. He put out his hand, for me to take. Quickly, I grabbed it. With his help, I was brought to safety.

“Thank you,” I mumbled.

“It was my fault, surprising you as I did.” The man sat at the edge of the cliff. “This is quite a beautiful area. Look how the blue water stretched out to meet the sky.”

“I’ve never really looked.”

“Why not?”

“I do not have the time to look at the scenery.”

“Really? That is too bad. This area is quite beautiful. With it’s rugged landscape, there is so much to see. So much to learn.”

“My learning is at Dún Delgan.”

“Why do you have such a narrow sight? You were looking at the waves. How they keep coming and dying at the edge of the shore. Spilling what is left of it on the rocks.”

“The waves have no choice in the matter. It is the way of nature.”

“Is it the same for you?”

I stared at him, confused. “How can you compare me with the waves?”

“Do you not feel that way, at times? The forces around you smashing you against rocks, against your will?”

I looked at the ocean. “Why do you haunt me, like a spectre?”

“Is that what you think am I doing?”

“You come to me, in visions. What else would you call it?”

The man laughed. “One could see it that way.”

“You didn’t answer my question. Why do you haunt me?”

“I give you guidance, in some way.” The man picked up a stone and threw it into the water below. “Too often people are alone and do not know where to turn.”

“You sound like Prince Gwefldn.”

“I suppose, sometimes I do. You seemed determined not to have anyone in your life. Thus no one to turn to.”

“I have no need for anyone in my life. My only purpose is to serve.”

The man sighed. “How sad. You don’t have time to look around you and you don’t have the need for people. But you do have one yearning.”

I stared at him, shocked. No one knew of that. I had never told anyone.

“You would be surprised what I know, Bilewit. Stop fighting yourself. If you can have love for Gwefldn, cannot you not have love for others?”

“This is different. My love for Gwefldn is because what he has done for me. And he is my sovereign.”

“Is it that different? I don’t see how it is. Tell me why it is different.”

I could not think how to explain how I felt to the man.

“Mayhap you will have to think why they are. Then you can explain the difference to me.”

I turned to look at the man but he was gone. I was alone, on the cliff. But this time, I had not fallen asleep. My trousers were dirtied from my fall. This time it was not a vision. Or was it? I did not know.
I cleaned the dirty from my clothes before I returned to town. When I returned, I found many in the castle were in confusion with my sudden leaving. After some explanation, I returned to my shattered room.

It was three weeks later, I received a letter from Gwefldn. It was not written by one of his scribes, so it was difficult to read. Penmanship was never the King’s strongest suits. He had written because he heard of the sacrament. He asked if there was anything he could do. He suggested he could personally petition his father. He had a few more suggestions including going to my father and making him feel the fear of the gods.

After, he asked me about the one I yearned. He had a vision, with me sitting on a cliff, lamenting to myself. He wrote that I had said I did not know the difference between loving him and someone else. He continued to write that if this was a true vision, then I was being stupid. Yes, he wrote that.

He told me that I should never restrict and reserve my feelings just to him. He reminded me about the heart. And then he wrote that I should not isolate myself. Find someone to turn to. Someone who I could talk to. There was no need to suffer in silence. And then he reminded me to do honour to myself before pursuing the object of my interest.

I did not know what he meant about suffering in silence. I was not suffering. I felt no pain or hurt any more. But as I reread his letter, I knew he was right. I should not have cloistered myself. The problem was, how do I approach people? And this one person in particular.

I had used school and now work as an escape from the urges I felt. I could have used certain type of fens to release the energy I had in me but I did not. I did everything to avoid the urges. By not acting on them, I was not accepting them. Thus I was not a doul. Gwefldn reminded me of what he had said before.

Scared, I advanced out to the people. But I avoided the man of my desire. I started to drink with the other stewards. I started to do more with my leisure time with others, than spending it in my room. After a while, people started to notice I was more relaxed and easier to work with. But I still had a heavy hand.

One day, in the mess, he approached me. Niwl. I was sitting, alone, eating my food. He sat down, in front of me. I was afraid he would hear my heart pounding in my chest. I had to put down my fork because my hand was shaking.

“Am I disturbing you?” he asked.

“No,” I replied.

“I was wondering if you would be interested to go out and check Caer Twyr. I can’t find anyone else who would like to go.”

“Ah,” was all I could say.

“I know you are not on duty, today. And I would like to have a companion. I don’t like travelling alone. So will you join me?”

I was confused and scared. I wanted to go but I sensed danger if I was to go with him.

“Is there a problem, Bilewit?”

“I don’t know,” I said to him. “It may not be a good idea.”

Niwl looked at me, a little hurt. “Have I done something to offend you?”

“No, no.” I said quickly.

“Then why is it you keep a distance from me?”

“I keep a distance from many. It’s my way.”

“But you spend much of your free time, now, with others. Why not me?”

“I cannot say.”

“I have an idea. Come with me to Caer Twyr and maybe we can talk.”

In some ways, he was wearing down my resolve. And I suppose it looked strange that he was one of the few stewards I did not spend any time with. So I agreed to join him but worried about the potential disaster which might occur.

We rode out of Dún Delgan, toward Caer Twyr. We rode, for a little while, in silence. It was a nice, warm summer day as we rode through the countryside. We did not spur the horses, since we were not in a hurry. Along the way, I looked forward, glancing very little toward Niwl. About half an hour out of Dún Delgan, Niwl spoke. “I have to confess something, Bilewit.”

I looked over to Niwl. “What?”

“I never asked anyone else, to join me. I wanted to spend some time with you.”

“Why?”

“That get’s a little complicated. Partly because I wanted, partly because I was asked to.”

I was a little confused by that. Who would ask Niwl to spend some time with me? So I asked him.
Niwl looked away from me, sheepishly. “I suppose no harm will come if I tell you. Ah, my cousin.”

I pulled Salgar to a stop. Niwl rose ahead a bit and stopped. “Could you be a little more specific than your cousin?”

“Only if you promise not to tell anyone.”

I was curious why he was being so secretive. “My word of honour.”

Niwl looked down. “It is Prince Gwefldn.”

“What?” I almost let go of my reins. “The Prince is your cousin?”

“Yes. And I don’t want anyone to know.”

“Why?”

“I don’t want to be treated differently. I want to gain my name on my own merits. Not because of my family.”

“I see. I will tell no one. I’ve given my word.”

“Thank you.”

I pulled Salgar up to Niwl. “And why did Prince Gwefldn ask you to spend some time with me?”

“He felt you could use someone to talk to. He said, in many way, we are quite similar. Except for the temper.”

I laughed. “People say I have enough temper for two people.”

Niwl laughed also. “Let’s move on, else we will have to sleep there.”

We continued toward Caer Twyr. We talked along the way, about general things. Mostly about the others in our group. I was tempted to ask him more about Gwefldn but thought it would be best to let him bring up the Prince. We arrived by early afternoon.

“I heard there is a spring, up near some old ruins.” Niwl pointed up to a hollow in the hill. “Let’s check it out.”

We spurred our horses and went up an old trail. It had not been travelled much, since the forest has started to reclaim it. We travelled carefully, so not to hurt the horses. We would see old, weathered stone markers every league. A couple of leagues into the forest, Niwl pointed to a smaller trail.

“I think it is this way.” We turned onto the smaller trail. Soon we reached the hollow. There was a spring, making a small pool of water. By the it’s mouth, there was the ruins of a small building. It was overgrown with moss and vines. Niwl dismounted and tied his horse to a tree. I hopped off and tied Salgar.

“Let’s check out the hut.” We walked along the edge of the pool. There were animal tracks and dropping all round the pool. By the ruin, I could see small stone-carved idols. I did not recognize them. Niwl peered into the hut.

“Looks empty,” he said, disappointed. “Must have been a druid’s place once.”

I looked around. Niwl possibly was right. This could have been a druid’s sacred grove. I grew a little worried. Trespassing in a druid’s grove could be trouble. Even if deserted long ago. Who knows what magicks still lurked in the area. But Niwl was not worried. Boldly, he went into the hut. To return disappointed.

“Totally barren,” he said.

In many ways, I was relieved. But I still was a little worried about the area. It was hot in the sun, so Niwl suggested we go for a swim instead of exploring. I was hesitant. Niwl pulled off his tunic and trousers, standing with just his loin cloth. Then he took that off. I looked away from his naked body. There was a splash as he dove into the water. There was a cry and I turned around. His head came out of the water.

“Fegs! The water is cold!”

“You should have tested it before you jumped in.”

“Yes, I should have. Are you coming in?”

“I don’t think so.”

He swam up to the edge of the pool and put his wet arms on the ground. “What’s the problem, Bilewit?”

“Nothing.” I sat down on the ground.

“Then why did you look away when I took off my clothes?”

“I was giving you privacy.”

“Oh, please! I would think you were embarrassed to look at me.”

I could fell the red colour rise in my face. “I was not.”

Niwl smiled and pulled himself out of the water. I looked down at the ground, so not to see him.

“If you are not embarrassed, then why can’t you look at me now? And don’t say to give me privacy.”
I couldn’t answer. I just stared at the ground. I could hear Niwl walk up to me. He put his wet hand under my chin and pushed my head to, to look at him.

“Is it that you might have feelings for me?”

I pulled away and leapt to my feet. Instinctively my hands started to ball into fists. “What would make you say that?”

“Fegs, will you calm down! I asked a simple question. You make it out as an insult.”

“You didn’t answer my question,” I growled.

“Forget it.” Niwl turned away and went for his clothes. He quickly put them on as I seethed.

“We best make our way back,” he said crossly. The tone of his voice tempered my anger. I had angered the man of my desires.

“I’m sorry,” I said feebly.

“Why is it you that everything becomes anda? It is as if all you have inside of you is rage. I would like to help you. Even be a friend. But if every question becomes a fight, what is the use? I don’t see what Gwefldn sees in you. All I can see now is you, dead by some doss-house or flash-ken because someone angered you.”

Niwl untied his horse and mounted him. I looked at the ground anger turning to sorrow. “Are you coming?”

“No.”

“Fine. Stay here and sulk. I will see you back in town.”

As he turned his horse, I found some words. “Please stay.”

Niwl looked over his shoulder. “Why? So I can say something and have you grow angry again?”
“No.”

The horse stopped. I could hear him get off his horse. He came up to me and put his hands on my shoulders. I looked up, into Niwl’s eyes.

“I’m sorry,” I said again. “Some times I just let my anger take control.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know.”

“What do you mean you don’t know?”

I shrugged. “I have no idea why.”

Niwl laughed. “Gwefldn thinks he knows.”

“What did he say?”

“Nothing except that he thinks he knows. He can be quite cryptic at times.”

“Isn’t that the job of a sovereign?”

Niwl smiled. “I suppose so. Alright, let’s sit for a bit. And mayhap not fight?”

We sat down on the ground. Niwl stretched out on his side. He picked at the grass and plucked a blade. He rolled it around, in his fingers.

“Will you now answer my question, Bilewit?”

I shook my head. “I cannot.”

“So I can tell you secrets but you can’t tell me?”

“It is not that simple, Niwl. You wouldn’t understand.”

“Then help me try. Why do you spend so much time keeping people away?”

“Save my mother and Gwefldn, I’ve never had anyone to talk to. I can take care of myself. I’ve had to.”

“And you don’t want to rely on anyone.”

I shrugged. “Perhaps. I just don’t know what to say, sometimes. The words just get stuck, so I don’t say anything.”

“Well, try a little harder. Some people will listen.”

I looked away from Niwl. I looked at the pond for a bit. Niwl let me be in my thoughts. I then looked at him.

“I will answer your question if you promise not to tell anyone.”

Niwl smiled. “My word of honour. You gave me yours.”

“Well ... well,” the words were starting to get stuck.

“Take you time,” Niwl told me, gently.

I swallowed. My throat was dry. “Yes, I do have feelings for you.”

Niwl reached out and ruffled my hair. “Now was that so hard to say?”

“Yes.” Even though I felt as a weight had been lifted, I still felt embarrassed saying what I did. Niwl just smiled at me. I didn’t know what to say next.

“What were you most afraid of, telling me this, Bilewit?”

“I don’t know,” I stammered and paused. “Well, I didn’t know how you would react.”

“How did you expect me to react?”

“I don’t know. I don’t understand the way I feel. It is so different from what I see and know.”

Niwl took my hand. “Sometimes, talking to someone can help. Trust me, I know. It took Gwefldn a long time to get me to talk to others.”

“You?” I had seen Niwl around, always talking to people. In many ways, I envied the easy manner he had around people.

“I think, in some ways, that’s why Gwefldn wanted me to try to talk to you.”

There was a sudden flash of inspiration, which doesn’t happen to me very often. “Did you know of my coming?”

“Yes, why?”

“When were you told?”

“About a week or so before you were to come. Gwefldn told me in one of his correspondences.”

I started to laugh. It now made sense. Niwl looked at me, quizzically. Now I understood why Gwefldn had sent me to Seithved. When I explained to Niwl, he nodded his head and agreed that he could see Gwefldn’s hand in the situation. Gwefldn hoped Niwl could pull me out of my hiding area a bit as Gwefldn had done for Niwl. When we were done laughed, Niwl asked me if now I wanted to go swimming. I agreed and we went swimming in the pool.

Niwl became my first friend. In a while, we became inseparable. In many ways, our friendship helped me with my temper. Even though I still would lose it and still had a heavy hand, there was a calming effect being around Niwl.

I would be lying if I said my feelings toward Niwl were just friendship. When ever we went for a swim, I would steal a glance, to look at his body. Many times, at night, I would lie in bed and think about him. But I didn’t do anything because I didn’t want to ruin our budding friendship. I didn’t act on my feelings.

It was two turns after the pool I found out that Gwefldn would be coming up to Seithved. The whole area became a flurry of activity, preparing for the Prince’s arrival. I was quite excited also, because I received an official request to have an audience with the Prince. There were a few people who were jealous because of the request. Some people wondered why I should get special treatment.

The day of the Prince’s arrival, I was preparing my livery. A page came in, to help with my preparations. As he was working, he spilt some balno on my leather jerkin. He quickly tried to clean the spot but ended up making it worse. I was furious. I grabbed the jerkin from him and let him feel the back of my hand. He whimpered his apologies. The jerkin was ruined. I had one other but it wasn’t as nice. Before I could strike the page again, he ran out of the room. A few moments later, there was a knock at the door.

“What?” I shouted.

The door opened and Niwl came into the room.

“What do you want?”

“I saw the page, running from the room and saw the welt on his face. I was curious why you had to hit him.”

“Look at what the wretch did to my jerkin.” I showed him the ruined jerkin.

“You have another. There’s no reason to strike the lad.”

“Don’t start.” I was not in the mood for one of Niwl’s lectures. “My other jerkin is not as nice and I wanted to look my best.”

“Look, if you really think this is important, you can borrow one of mine.”

“No, I’ll just wear the other.” I said angrily. I threw the jerkin onto my bed.

“You know, sometimes...”

“I said don’t start,” I interrupted Niwl. “I don’t need to hear your incessant prattling, right now.”

“Fine.” Niwl left the room, closing the door behind him. The bell tolled 3. I was to see the Prince at 4. I pulled out my other jerkin and started to prepare it.

Just before the bell tolled 4, I headed for the hall. Gwefldn was sitting on a throne, as I walked in. He warmly greeted me as I walked in. He rose from the throne and walked toward me.

“Why don’t we go for a walk? I’m getting a little tired staring at the walls.”

We walked out of the hall, into the main courtyard. “So I hear that you’ve started to settle in.”

“Yes, Sire.”

“Niwl has told me that the two of you have become quick friends.”

“We have, Sire.”

“He also told me you have feelings toward him.”

I stopped. I started to wonder what Niwl had told the Prince. He stopped and turned to look at me. He seemed to know what I was thinking.

“Niwl had told me quite a lot about you, Bilewit. And not because I asked him. He has taken quite a liking to you. I suspect he would like more but he has problems with your temper.”

“More?”

Gwefldn laughed. “Do you think you are the only man who feels like you do?”

“I didn’t know.”

“Did you ask?”

“No.” I frowned. “What do you mean that he has problems with my temper?”

“A lot of people have problems with your temper. I heard you struck your page, this morning.”

“Well, he ruined my jerkin.”

Gwefldn sighed. “Violence should not be an answer to a problem. I’ve always looked at violence to be used when everything else has failed. People will respect you more, if you don’t resort to violence immediately. Also, it can make you a little predictable, thus manipulated.”

Gwefldn pointed to a bench. “Why don’t we sit a little while?”

We walked to the bench. “I want to say something to you, Bilewit. It will anger you but I cannot think of anything else to do.”

“What is it, Sire?”

“When I look at you, I see more your father than you.”

“What?” I was about to bolt up but Gwefldn grabbed my arm. “I am not my father!”

“Then why is you act like him?”

I shook Gwefldn’s hand off my arm. “I do not! I am nothing like my father! Nothing at all.”

“Why do you strike your page?”

“How else will he learn? Sweet words will not strengthen him. Discipline will make him a stronger person. You can’t coddle him!”

“Do you remember what your father said when we came for you?” Gwefldn asked.

“No.”

“Remember he said you had to learn your place? And coddling would make you like us?”

I thought back to that fateful day. Then my father’s words rang through my mind. I started to realize that I was like my father. I pulled away from Gwefldn. I felt disgusted. I was like the person I most hated. I would grow up to be like him. I leapt to my feet and ran away from the courtyard, with Gwefldn yelling after me to stop. My blood was boiling and pounding in my ears.

I ran out of the city, into the surrounding forest. I pounded my fists into trees, trying to rid myself of what was inside of me. I had to cleanse myself, somehow. The thorns in the bramble cut through my clothing and skin. Blood started to ooze from the many cuts. I had to purify the black blood that ran through my veins.

I fell to the ground, exhausted. As I laid there, I saw a pair of boots come before me. I looked up to see the magnificent man. Silently he put out his hand to help me up. He looked at me with sad eyes.

“You are in pain,” he said.

“Please, leave me alone. Go away.”

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because I am a part of you.”

I turned away from the man. “I don’t know what magicks are involved but I have no need for you. I should be alone. Away from everything and everybody.”

“Why?”

“Because of what I’ve become. A hideous excuse of a man.”

“No you’re not.”

I turned back to the man. “I have become what my father is. I’ve become what I’ve hated most.”

“Only part of you is by your father. Part of you is by your mother. Together, they make most of you. You have allowed your father to dominate. Use all of you, not just one, small part.”

The man reached over and put his hand on my shoulder. “There is more to you than you see. Do not focus on the small parts. Otherwise, you will become like your father.” He started to walk away.

“Who are you?”

“Someone who knows you better than yourself. Trust in yourself, Bilewit. Other’s have, why can’t you?”

The man disappeared into the forest. The spectre left me confused. Why is it that they always speak in riddles and rhymes? I sank down on the forest floor and wept. That is how Niwl found me. He sat down beside me and held me in his arms, trying to soothe me.

How long he held me, in silence, I do not remember. He just held me. Let me cry, rage and realize. In many ways, the strength of his arms and his comforting presence helped me more than I could ever tell him. When I ran out of tears and my sobs became soft, Niwl finally spoke.

“I was so worried,” he said. “When Gwefldn told me that you ran off, as you did, I was afraid you were going to do something stupid. And we didn’t know where you were going to.”

“How did you find me?” I managed.

“It was Gwefldn. We were talking, trying to figure out what to do. Suddenly he grew pale and distant. He had a far away look in his eyes. It did not last long. When he was released, he told me he had seen you in the forest. Talking...”

“To myself,” I finished.

Niwl looked at me. “Yes, how did you know?”

I told him of my previous visions. He listened quietly, not once interrupting. When I was done, he lightly touched my cheek.

“Someone seems to be looking over you, my dear, Bilewit.”

“Why? Why me?”

“Why not?”

“It does not make sense. I am but the son of a poor farmer who has rocks for crops.”

“Many great men have come from simple pasts, Bilewit. Look at Suíbhné. He was a simple warrior, a leader of a small clann, before he brought all the clanns together.”

“But by my father, I was just a vessel. An object.”

“Mayhap you are being a little hard.”

I had never told Niwl about my father and my past life. Sitting on the forest floor, I told him. As I spoke, his grip on my shoulder tightened. The words poured out and he wept. The words of my tale came to an end. He released my shoulder and took my hands. He squeezed them tightly.

“Why haven’t you told me this before?” Anger laced his words.

“Does it really matter?”

“Yes,” Niwl said angrily. He released my hands. “Fegs! If I had known! If Gwefldn would have just told me!”

“I don’t see why this matters.”

Niwl rose. It was obvious he was furious. “Why didn’t he tell me at the onset? Things would have been so different.”

“Pardon?”

“Why didn’t Gwefldn tell me of this? If I had know, I would have approached you much earlier.”

“Why?”

“I only understood a part of you.” Niwl knelt before me. “When Gwefldn first asked me to befriend you, I saw no problem in his request. But when you arrived, you stayed by yourself. Again, I saw no problems.

“But the way you treated those beneath you, I could not easily understand or accept. I wrote back saying I could not honour his request. All I could see was a cruel master. His response was he had seen more than that. But I could not bring myself to come toward you.

“When you started to associate with the others, you seemed to be more calm. And I saw a person that I thought I would like to know. That was when I invited you to the pool.

“But you still lashed out. I could never understand why there was so much anger in you. I thought I had finally found a mate but every time you exploded, I was repulsed.”

“Mate?” I stared at Niwl. “Prince Gwefldn said you wished more but I never suspected that much more.”

Niwl raised an eyebrow. “Does this man tell everyone what he is told?”

I reached out and took his hand. “And what harm has come of his words?”

“Sometimes he is as tight as a druid and other times he is worse than an old woman.”

I rose from the ground, looking into Niwl’s eyes. “Why would my history have made things different?”

“I would have understood more. I would not have been afraid to offer my friendship.”

“Friendship or pity, Niwl?”

Niwl did not answer. He shrugged. I put my hand to his cheek.

“If you would have known, I would say the friendship you would have offered would not have been true. And from what I have seen, Gwefldn saw that. I would say that your cousin is a crafty person. Almost has some of the druid about him I would say.”

Niwl laughed. “They say he has the druid’s air about him.”

“I suspect he has more.” I paused. “For if you would have come to me with pity, I would have rejected you. I think Gwefldn knew that.”

I drew closer to Niwl. “Did you mean what you said?”

Niwl looked at me, confused. “About?”

I gave him a playful punch to his shoulder. “About what!”

He stared at me, intently. I will never forget his simple answer. “Yes.”

It was there, covered in cuts and leaves, I vowed myself to Niwl and he vowed himself to me. Even though it was not binding, we did not care. We could be official at another time. After that and some talking, we noticed the shadows were getting long. The sun hung low in the sky.

“We best be going back,” Niwl said to me. “But I have one horse.”

“I will return on foot.”

“But with your cuts? They must be attended to.”

I laughed. “You only say that now?”

His eyes narrowed. “I noticed them before, Bilewit.”

“But it is only now you worry about them,” I said playfully.

Niwl was about to say something but he stopped. I took his hand and put it to my breast.

“I will walk,” I said. “The solitude back will do me some good. Go ahead of me and tell the Prince. He must be getting frantic by now.”

Niwl pushed my hand off his breast and brought it to mine. “I’ll do as you say. But you had better not dawdle.”

Niwl left and I started to walk. As I did, I tried to clean myself. The various cuts had stopped dripping but my clothing was ruined. I would have to replace them. As I walked along the trail, I saw the hoof prints of Niwl’s horse. Along the trail, I saw my vision man. He was standing by the edge of the path, smiling at me. I smiled back at him.

“I would say you are feeling a bit better.”

“A bit.”

“Good. But you know it will not be an easy journey.”

The air grew colder. “I know. But I hope, with Niwl at my side, the journey will not be as hard.”

The man smiled. A bitter wind cut through my clothes. I shivered. It was getting colder than normal for the time of cycle. It was then I noticed the shadows were different. I looked around, to see a giant massif. It looked what I had heard Eryri looked like. I looked at the man but he did not say a word.

Not far from where we stood, I saw a hollow. Something, in the back of my mind, said I had heard about this place before. I walked to the hollow. The man followed me. In the hollow, I saw an entrance to a cave. Carefully, I walked into it.

The entrance lead to a small corridor and then opened up into a cavern. Amongst the stone forest, I saw a table with a gwyddbwyll board on it. Gwefldn was looking at the board. Leaning against the chair, across from him, was a sword. At first, I thought it was Niemh. Then I recognized it. It was Ârian. The sword I had seen in a childish vision, so long ago.

I walked up. Gwefldn did not noticed my arrival. He was absorbed by his next move. Hesitatingly, I put out my hand, to the sword. But I could not pick it up. It wasn’t mine.

“Go ahead,” I heard a child’s voice say. I turned around, to see a young man, with a broken face, holding a dull sickle.

“Go ahead, Bilewit. It is yours to take. Not too many hands can hold the hilt.”

I turned around and put my hand to the hilt. It was warm to the touch. As I lifted it, I could feel the power of the sword. As I had felt it, so long ago. I looked at it’s keen edge. Then I heard a peg being put into a hole.

“Your move.” I looked down to see Gwefldn looking at me. “Let’s see what your next move will be.”

I looked at the board to see the ground of the trail. My hand was empty. The air was back to the normal temperature. I shivered, still feeling the cold of the air around Eryri. I hurried back to Dún Delgan.

When I arrived at the main gates, Niwl was waiting for me. As I walked up, his eyes narrowed.

“I thought you weren’t going to dawdle.” He put a castel coat over me. It covered my destroyed clothing.

“I didn’t. I had to make a trip to Eryri.”

“What? Did you stop and try some berries or something?” Niwl questioned.

As we walked into the fortress, I told him about my vision. His jaw went a little slack as I described what I had seen. When I finished, his face was white. It seemed as if he was shivering from the cold of Eryri.

“Do you know where you were, Bilewit?”

“Eryri.”

He stopped and put his hands onto my shoulders. “Bilewit! Use your mind! Think about our history. Eryri. A hollow.”

It took a couple of clock beats and then my mind worked. I must have turned white, like Niwl. “Llwybyr,” I whispered.

“Caledvwlch,” Niwl whispered.

I shook my head, to clear it. And then I laughed. Niwl looked at me, shocked by my reaction.

“Think about our history, Niwl.”

“Pardon?”

I shook my head. “Llwybyr found Caledvwlch in a hollow in Eryri. But according to our history, he found it on an altar, covered with white linen. And the bodies of those who tried to wield it. I saw an ordinary table, with a gwyddbwyll board on it. No bodies. No altar. Just Gwefldn and the gwyddbwyll board.

“Not only that, it is said that Caledvwlch was cast into Loch Cén. And the words were spoken that only when the land needed healing, would it be found again. The land has no need for healing. And I’m not a King. Not even a Prince.”

“But from what I remember, anyone can wield Caledvwlch, as long as they are good in heart.”

That made me laugh again. “Me, good in heart?”

Niwl glared at me. “Don’t start, Bilewit.”

“I am not saying I’m bad in heart. I’m saying there are many more people more worth. Be it you or Gwefldn, for an example.”

Niwl glared at me as we resumed walking to my room. When we got there, I removed the coat and started to remove my clothing. Niwl stared at me, in utter surprise. So did I, for all my wounds were healed.

“Sidhé,” Niwl whispered very lowly.

“Oh, Niwl. Why would you think it would be them?”

“It seems to be the only explanation, Bilewit. Your visions. Gwefldn’s visions. Why would he see what you’ve seen, with some modifications? And now all your cuts are healed. It has to be the sidhé.”

I threw my ruined clothes onto a pile. I walked to my bureau and selected a new set of clothes. “Then tell me, why would they be interested in me? They normally don’t intrude in matters of the humans. It is said that Muirinn had to beg the chieftain of the sidhé to allow Llwybyr into the Hollow Hills. They fear us as we fear them.”

“I don’t know but some magick is about you. If it is not the sidhé, then what other explanation is there?”

“I can’t say. Mayhap we will find out, one day. But not right now. I am hungry.”

Niwl laughed. “You have had a vision of a glorious sword, in a hollow in Eryri. All your wounds are healed and all you can think of is your stomach? Sometimes I just don’t understand you.”

I put a hand to his cheek. “And I don’t think you ever will. But it should be interesting trying.”

I was leaning over to kiss Niwl when the door burst open. Gwefldn rushed in. He looked embarrassed when he saw I was so close to Niwl. I pulled away from my mate.

“It all makes sense,” he blurted out. The Prince walked up to me and grabbed my shoulders. “All this time, it was a mystery but now it is so clear.”

“Cousin, why do you talk in riddles?” Niwl asked.

Gwefldn looked over my shoulder, to Niwl. “Once I tell Bilewit, he will understand. But I think I should tell him, privately.”

“No!” I said more forcefully than I wanted to. I lowered my voice, in respect. “No, Sire. I wish him to be here, at my side.”

“I think it is best we talk privately. You can tell Niwl afterwards the parts you wish to reveal.”

“No,” I said quietly but firmly. “There will be no secrets between myself and my mate.”

Gwefldn stared at me, completely dumbfounded. He was at a complete loss of words. Behind me, I could here Niwl laugh.

“For once, my cousin is at a loss of words. I suppose there are things that not even you know, dear Cousin.”

Gwefldn regained his composure. Suddenly, he pulled me to his breast and hugged me. I could feel his tears fall onto the nape of my neck.

“I was not wrong,” he whispered in my ear. He pulled away from me, tears of joy streaming down his face. “Taliesin be damned, I say.”

Oh, Taliesin, don’t look so surprised. Someone so wise and learned, you should have known that Gwefldn, at times, felt that way. You’ve always been faithful to the King but there were times the King would be frustrated by your prejudices.

Wait, before you speak. For you do not know what happened, in my room, in Dún Delgan. I suggest you have some of your mead. What Gwefldn suspected will explain my finding Ârian. Something you could never divine, from what I understand. Mayhap, afterwards, we can put aside our feelings? Mayhap, tonight, I can put all your distrust to rest.

So Gwefldn pulled out Niemh. He held out the hilt to me, holding onto the blade, knowing the sword would never drink of his blood. He told me to take the sword. I could not.

“Bilewit, please! Grasp the hilt. For I found Niemh in the same hollow of your vision. There is a bond between us. Grasp the hilt and learn it.”

Reluctantly, I reached out to the hilt of Niemh. When I grasped the hilt, suddenly my vision grew clouded. The room became grey and shadowy. Just as suddenly, the midst cleared. I found myself in Dún Suíbhné. But not the fortress I had heard of. I saw a young child setting at a table, looking over a puzzle. A majestic woman, in full mail came to him.

“Llacheu, what have I told you?”

“But, Mother! I did nothing wrong. The day was bright and ...” The child was interrupted by a tall wizard gliding into the main square. The woman looked at him.

“Queen Arianrhod, it is ready.”

“Excellent.” She looked back at Llacheu. “And you, young pup, back to your quarters. You have your studies to attend to. And I don’t want any of your excuses. When you are done, then I have something to show you. It is ready.”

Llacheu looked at his mother, with bright eyes. “But it won’t be mine for long.”

Arianrhod frowned. “Why do you say that?”

“I just sense it, Mother.”

Arianrhod playfully ran her hand through her son’s hair. “Don’t start again, Llacheu. Leave the soothsaying to the druids and midwives. Now, off with you!”

As to the rest of what I saw, it is of no import, except for myself. But from your faces, I can see the reactions. Please, Taliesin, take a sip of your mead. You’ve grown pale. Did you not say that you could not piece the mystery about me? Well, now it is revealed.

As Gwefldn suspected, I am from the blood line of Llacheu. Second son of Queen Arianrhod. Daughter of Llwybyr, our sixth king. Direct ancestor of King Gwefldn. And as you know, all of those who are descendants of Llwybyr and Édaín are said to have the light of the sidhé. That fateful day, Gwefldn, Niwl and I found that I have that light. In some way, it explained why Gwefldn saw something more in me than many others. It also explained why we shared my vision. There were still many questions but not everything can be answered. Once everything was realized, I released the hilt of Niemh and told Niwl what I saw. Then I said it was time to eat. Gwefldn eyed me.

“How can you think about your stomach?” he asked.

Niwl laughed. “I’ve already asked that question. He seems more interested in his stomach than anything else.”

“Well, I’m hungry!”

Niwl put his arm around my neck. “Then I think we should take care of that stomach, Cousin.”

We went to the mess and had some food. As we were eating, Gwefldn asked me a question, which stopped me eating.

“So are you ready to return to Dún Suíbhné?”

I almost dropped my utensils. “Return?”

“Yes. I think, now that things have cleared up, it would be good to have you come to Dún Suíbhné.”

I looked at the food.

“Niwl can return with you, if that is what worries you.” Gwefldn added.

I shook my head. “No.” I tried to find the right words. I looked back up at Gwefldn. “I will stay here, for now.”

Gwefldn smiled. “Why? I thought you wanted to serve me.”

“I do, Sire. But I still have a lot to learn. My journey has just started. I will stumble occasionally. I would prefer to do it here. When I’m ready, then I will return to Dún Suíbhné and serve you.”

“So be it.” He paused for a moment. “But I will only give you leave of one cycle.”

“One cycle?”

“Yes. After that, you and I will go to Eryri. Then we will see if your vision was true.”

“Yes, Sire. One cycle.”

I was surprised how fast the cycle went. The cycle was far from idyllic. There were times my temper got the best of me. It was Niwl that suggested I go out, for a walk, when I started to feel my temper to slip. Hitting trees and kicking rocks is better than hitting people. In time, with Niwl’s help, I started to control my temper.

At the end of the cycle, many remarked how I had changed. Gwefldn, when he arrived, noticed the change right away. There were celebrations for 3 days before we set out to Eryri. It was then we had the official ceremony of mating.

Niwl and I had discussed it over the cycle. We wanted to have Gwefldn officiate over the ceremony, so we decided to wait. Quickly, everyone knew, especially when we started to share quarters. Most understood our wish but a few were prone to gossip.

Once the celebrations were done, Wadu relieved us into Gwefldn’s service. He told both of us, if we ever needed a place, we would be made more than welcome. And then, to my surprise, he gave both us of a crest of Seithved. Before we left, I had it proudly put onto my jerkin.

The morning was bright when we left Dún Delgan. We were not in a hurry since King Eóghan had given Gwefldn a fortnight leave for this trip. It would take us about 5 days to get to Eryri and then another 4 to return to Dún Suíbhné. So there was no hurry.

Tears filled my eyes when we left the court and went to the main gate. Wadu had mustered a full ceremonial parade for us. I knew it wasn’t just for Gwefldn. He was giving Niwl and myself a salute. As we trotted out of the front gates, I could not look back.

The journey to Eryri was uneventful but pleasurable. The day’s ride was bright and jovial. As the days went along, Gwefldn was more of a friend than a prince. When night fell, we would sit by the fire side and tell tales.

Gwefldn would puff up his chest and speak as a bard. Tales of Llacheu, Aedd and Aillil. We had no need for a bard with Gwefldn at the fire side. He told us many a merry tale or sad story. Who knew what he would say next?

The night before we reached the slopes of Eryri, Gwefldn told us the Lay of Findabhain and Scorthín as a cautionary tale. As he finished, he told us to take heed of the lesson the lay teaches. Of course, both of us quickly protested. He put up his hand to stay our words.

“I do not doubt your love,” he said, “right now. But too often passion can be like a fire. All consuming.”

Gwefldn picked up a stick and stoked the fire. Embers jumped into the fresh night air. Ash fell to the side. He looked at the dull, grey residue, by the side of the fire.

“Someone once told me or I read it once but I will never forget. Passion burns like a fire. All consuming. If it is too bright, it will burn itself out, leaving just ash. From that ash, nothing can rise again.”

“But not all fires are like that,” I told him.

“And, you are assuming the fire is there, unattended, dear Cousin,” Niwl added.

Gwefldn laughed and put his hands up. “I’m outnumbered here. And I see my metaphor isn’t really working. So I’ll just be blunt. And I’m not trying to sour what is happening between you.

“I’ve see many people go into a relationship. It starts with high hopes and great expectations. But that passion lasts only for so long. Then life enters and interferes. Petty things start to get in the way.

“You have to remember, both of you are going in with a bit of a disadvantage. There will be a vocal few who will make your life difficult because of their sense of morality. In many ways, you will experience pressures that many couples will not have.”

Gwefldn paused. “I say this because I care about you both. I don’t want to see this blossoming love die.”

“Do you not think we’ve talked about this, ourselves?” I asked. “We are not blind to what is before us. We know that only perfect love can be found in the lays. But we will do our best.” And then we did not talk any more about the subject, that night.

The next morning, we awoke to a bright sun. The air smelled fresh. The forest was alive with sounds. Gwefldn commented that this was a good omen. We broke our fast and started to the slopes of Eryri.
As most of you know, it is quite a sight. The majestic mountain, rising before you. A green carpet covers parts of the rugged slope. With sharp crevasses breaking up the green carpet. The mountain rises up to the clouds. Usually, the peaks is covered with clouds but as we approached Eryri, the sky was clear. The snow topped mountain glowed before us.

The sun was high when we arrived to a copse, in the woods on the slope. We dismounted and tied our horses to a tree. I was quite nervous but Gwefldn’s presence and Niwl’s hand on my shoulder helped stay the feeling. As in my vision, the entrance lead to a small corridor.

Gwefldn had already spoken to the chieftain, Liagan of our mission. The sidhé greeted us and left us to our journey. Slowly, we walked down the main spiral staircase into the depths of Caer Eryri.

As we walked down, at a junction, I felt a pull. The three of us started down a musty corridor. Our footsteps brought up little puffs of dust. After a little while, the corridor grew dark.

It took a little time for our eyes to adjust as we walked into the darkness. Niwl suggested we light a torch. Gwefldn said no. The journey starts in darkness. If the sword was in the cavern, light would appear. We walked along, stumbling and running our hands long the rough stone of the cavern.

As we came to a turn, I noticed some light ahead of us. I grew excited. There was something there. I rushed ahead of Gwefldn and Niwl. The light became brighter and brighter until I entered a large cavern.

It is hard to describe what I saw. From what I gather, the cavern looks different to different people. I stood at the edge of the cavern. It was like a forest of stone. Large stone formations came out of the floor and ceiling of the cavern. The light shone on the stone, making it look wet. It was dazzling to see. I remember when Niwl and Gwefldn joined me, Niwl stared in utter amazement.

We walked through the cavern, carefully so not to disturb anything. In the midst of the stone forest, I saw the table with the gwyddbwyll board. No one was sitting there. I glanced at Gwefldn and he looked as amazed as I did. And leaning against one of the chairs, I saw Ârian.

Hesitatingly, I walked forward. I got to the board. There were many pegs still on the board. From my quick glance, the game looked even for both sides. I could see there was one opening for the side where the sword was. But I dared not touch the game.

I was scared to pick up the sword. I was afraid this was another one of my visions. And then I would find myself elsewhere. Once again, I felt this sword could not be mine. Did I really deserve a gift from the gods? Even with what had ben revealed, why should I receive Ârian? It was then I heard the young man again.

“Go ahead,” I heard him say. I turned around, to see the young man. To see me, with a broken face, holding a dull sickle. “You’ve come this far. Take it. Not too many hands can hold the hilt.”

I turned around to the sword. Gently, I put my hand to the hilt. As I remembered it, it was warm to the touch. I could feel the power running through the sword. I lifted it. The bright light of the cavern gleamed on the keen edge of the blade.

“It is done,” the younger me said.

He turned and started to walk into the stone forest. By  a large stone, he became the man I had seen. It was then I realized I was seeing myself, my true self. I was tempted to follow. To see where the visions were coming from but I decided against that. Perhaps I would be tempting fate if I had. Gwefldn and Niwl joined me at the table. Both were white from what they had seen.

“Powerful magick seems to follow you,” Gwefldn said in a trembling voice.

“You have been blessed,” Niwl added. We stood there for some time, as we looked at Ârian and marvelled at what had happened. Just as we were about to leave, I turned to the gwyddbwyll board. I made the move I had seen earlier. It was then I was ready to return to Dún Suíbhné.

The final thing I want to say, since I have taken so much of your time already, shows what kind of man Gwefldn was. When I returned to Dún Suíbhné, I entered his stewardship. I did almost everything he asked me, save one. I would not return to where my father lived. I justified it by saying there was no need to return to those lands. Gwefldn always looked at me, in disbelief.

Finally, one day, he asked me to join him. He did not tell me where we were going. To my surprise and dismay, we went to Rôln. The town I had offered myself to Gwefldn so long ago. We booked lodgings at the Deer’s Head Inn. Over ale, I demanded to know what Gwefldn wanted. He took a sip of his ale, and stared at me.

“Bilewit, you are a good man and I love you dearly. It pains me to see you as you are.”

I stared at him, confused. “What are you talking about?”

“Even though you are not the same young man when you met Niwl, you still have your rages. You are a man who is still not completely at peace with himself.”

“I am.” I scoffed.

“I think your father still torments you, at times. I think you’ll only find peace when you confront the fear you still carry.”

“I don’t know what you are talking about.”

“You have steadfastly refused to go anywhere near these lands.” Gwefldn put up his hand to stop my reply. “And I’ve heard your excuses enough times. So tomorrow, we will go and look at your father’s homestead.”

I didn’t answer. I just folded my arms and glared at my ale.

“All I say we do is ride out, tomorrow. From what I remember, there is a small hill near there. We go and you look at that homestead. And then we will leave. And you will leave that hurt boy there.”

“I don’t see what good that will do.”

Gwefldn put his hand on my arm. “I will not order you to do this. I ask you to do this. It is time to put your past where it finally belongs.”

I grumbled but agreed to go in the morning. After we broke fast, we headed toward my father’s place. And then we reached the hill. From the vantage point on the small hill, I could see my father’s homestead. It looked unchanged, for all the years that had passed.

From around the house ran a young boy. A slight woman appeared after him, trying to catch the lad. There seemed to be a sense of urgency that she catch the boy. A shadow crossed my heart, as I remembered how my mother would chase after me, to keep me quiet. Else my father would be cross. I felt pity for them. A gentle brush at my elbow returned me to the hill.

“Time to go?” Gwefldn asked softly.

The look of concern and love in his eyes filled me with memories of those hard, cold eyes. Only showing anger and disapproval. And disappointment.

“No. I have to go to the farm.”

With surprise, his eyebrow arched. “Do you think that is wise?”

“Yes.”

Gwefldn then smiled. “Are you sure?”

“How many times have you told me to live my life for me? Not for him. You were right, there is one thing that remains to be done”

There was a slight nod and that knowing smile.

“Time to confront the demon, my young Bilewit. Time to be free.”

Even with my mail and Ârian at my side, I felt naked for what I was about to do. They could not provide any defence from the fear I felt. Gently, I pulled on the reins and Salgar trotted forward. The prince stayed behind; this I had to do alone.

I rode along the road, years ago I skulked along. A defiant, scarred yelp of a boy out on his own for the first time. Now returning, a grown man. Renowned in the land. To face the one thing he feared the most. A spectre, a demon which lurked on the edge of his dreams. Always trying to drag him down. Living life in spite and revenge. Willing to die, to kill the dream. It is easier to die because of a dream than face it.

As I approached the farmstead, the woman reappeared with the child. She was doing everything possible to calm him down. The noise of my arrival caused them a start and they looked up. Pools of deep blue stared at me in amazement. The young lad gazed at me, mesmerized. The woman looked at me, with hooded eyes, trying to hide the terror she was sensing.

“What can I do for you, Sire?” she asked softly. Her words were laced with fear.

I dismounted from Salgar. “I wish to see the master of the farm.”

“He is quite busy and would not brook a disturbance, Sire.”

“I know of his ways, my dear lady. If he is still true to them, he is currently sitting and drinking.”

The woman looked at me shocked but said no word in response.

After swallowing a breath, I was ready. I started to the house. The woman put her hand on my arm.
“It is not wise, Sire, for he is in a bitter mood. He hates all king’s men. For they stole his son from him. Leaving him to fend for himself.”

“Stole, he said?” I could but laugh. “He drove his son away. But he would not see it that way.”

As I approached, I could hear a familiar sound. My father was stirring. He must have heard the commotion outside and was coming to quiet the offenders. The sound brought back memories. But I had to control them, else the fear would paralyse me.

The door opened, revealing my father. The years had taken some toll. His hair was grey and his cheeks sunken. But deep in the wrinkled skin shone those eyes of malice. Even though I’ve faced more deadly gazes, I could feel my courage wane. Through the confused stare, I could see a glimmer of recognition. All he had was memories of a lad of thirteen years. Now a man stood before him.

“Ah, the lything returns. If you expect your room, it is occupied. But we can make room in the barn for you.”

I ignored the insult. “I have a room at the inn.”

“You plan to live there and come here before the sun rises? As you wish. Be here before sunrise, much work has to be done.”

My father started back to the door.

“I’m not back to be your slave.”

Fury sparkled in his eyes as he turned around.

“Then why despoil my land with your presence? Do you expect to claim this land for your own? You have no rights after the sacrament of firen. For I have but one son, and when he is of age, he will get this land.”

I glanced at the woman and young boy. They stared at us, terrified. They would bear the consequences of this encounter. But at the moment, that was not of import.

“But I thought you were a hivasta after I was born!”

There was an audible gasp from the woman. I suppose she never heard a son call his father a eunuch. From the colour rising in my father’s face, I don’t think he expected it, either.

“I will not take that from an earstherl! Take your worthless being and begone!”

I shifted my weight and pushed Ârian slightly. The bright sunlight glittered on its hilt.

“You would like that, for then I would not marry and sire heirs. Heirs who could challenge the sacrament. Especially since the sacrament of firen you had performed was a petty sham! What outrage and suffering did you have? None, I would say. Unless having to work is an outrage or suffering.”

Belaying his age, my father came from the porch. He advanced to strike me. I grabbed his hand before it could reach me. Anger and outrage distorted his face. My left hand started to rise, to strike the creature before me. But as it rose, I realized what I was doing. All my life, I struck out in anger, as my father. Just like my father. I was but my father. The claw was released.

“Now you have reason for the sacrament, father. For now don’t you feel the firen? That your son dare stand before you and acknowledge him to be nothing better than a hivasta? I came here, expecting you to say that I am no son of yours but now I know I do not care.”

My father spat into the dust at my feet. The spit formed into a small ball on the ground. I pushed it aside with the tip of my boot.

“Be off! If it were not for your mother, you...”

Ârian was unsheathed instantly. The sun sparkled on its keen edge. Slowly, I placed the tip of the hilt onto his chest.

“Choose your words carefully, father. For all I have to do is turn Ârian about and you can feel its bite.”

For the first time in my life, I saw fear in my father’s eyes.

“You would not do such a thing.” His voice quavered. “The king would not look kindly at one of his knights killing his father.”

My father was confused when I laughed at him. Finally I saw how short sighted and immediate his mind worked.

“First, dear father, I am not just a knight. I am an eorl. I own better land than you have. I have no need for the rocks you till with the blood of others. Second, I am not your son, am I? Does not the sacrament say so? I am no son of yours, dear father. A free man killing a free man. You advanced to strike me and I defended myself.”

Ârian went back into the sheath. “But my sword will not drink blood today. Especially such unworthy blood. Blood which coarses through my veins.”

Sensing my thoughts, Salgar came forward and stood beside me. Gently, I took the reins.

“My business with you is done.” It felt strange that I was in control. My father stood before me, defiant, ready to strike me as if I was a young lad. But he could not. I would not submit and react with the violence he expected. I mounted Salgar. Once again I glanced at the terrified couple. What retribution that was waiting for them I could imagine. But what could I do?

Be it anger, or be it providence, I suddenly pulled out Ârian again. As I had mounted Salgar, my father had moved to pick up a shovel. With a quick swing, he stood standing but a wooden stake. The rest fell to the dust.

The simple cotton of his shirt ripped easily as I moved the edge of Ârian across his chest. I found the urge to slice his chest replaced by pity. I brought the point of Ârian to his heart.

“I will not kill you or harm you, father. But I do leave you with a simple warning.”

With slight pressure, the tips drew a drop of blood. My father stumbled back, away from me, terrified.

“Be it that you do not honour or treat with respect you new wife and son, I will return and strip you of your title. If you value being a free man, heed my words. My men will keep watch. What love I had for you, died with my mother. All I now feel is contempt and disgust.”

I pulled in Salgar and turned my back on my father. I raised Ârian to the woman and young boy in a simple salute. The boy was about to raise his hand in response but with the scowl of my father near, he stopped. I turned to look at my father. The scowl quickly disappeared.

“Heed my words, father. For they are not idle!”

As Salgar slowly trotted away, I could feel my father’s eyes trying to bore into me. Through his shame, the incense filled the air. But if that enrage would befall the woman or boy, my father would see how far my arm could reach. Gwefldn would make sure my vow was fulfilled in the end.

And there he sat, on Caserlic, casually waiting for me. I cannot say what I felt at that moment; the sun silhouetting his figure. The prince who would be king in three weeks hence. A man who wanted to be part of this journey. A man who valued his men over the pomp and circumstance the druids were demanding. A man who saw things in me which I would not.

How strange it must of seemed! I pulled Salgar to a stop and started to weep. A weeping from the soul. The tears coarsing down my cheeks carried all my regrets and self-doubts. As Gwefldn came to my side, the cleansing had finally started.

Gwefldn said nary a word. He placed his hand on my shoulder for comfort and let me weep. Rend my soul of what held me back. My liege sat by me, letting his strength keep me from falling into the depths of despair which I had hung close to for so long. After some time, he took the reins of Salgar and we returned to town.

At the inn, I told the Prince of what had happened. When I was done, he smiled at me. A genuine smile of warmth and admiration.

“And so, your vow will be fulfilled, Bilewit. At the first sign, they will be removed from the farm. So I say! Do you wish to bring your father before the Cneatung?”

I shook my head. “No, let him be. Let him live his life on his land. The land he cares so deeply about.”

“The Cneatung would provide a speedy solution.”

“True but it would be a waste of time to convene the tribunal.”

“It may seem cruel to leave him without any recourse.”

“I’m a firen. The outrage and suffering I have caused him when I left, made him disown me. The Cneatung would not change anything. And he will not petition them either. He and I are now finished with our lives together. As you’ve said many times before, move forward.”

As most of you gathered here tonight, know, within six turns, my father was found not honouring his son or step-son as I found out. He and his mother were welcomed in the court and made my charges. And all of you know how Fale has turned out. And how I was finally able to find peace. All because Gwefldn stood by me and believed in me.

My friend. My liege. I will miss you. For in the end, you became a father I always wished. Be at rest and enjoy the nectar of the gods, my dear friend. Let others take care of you now. Have rest and peace.

Author's Note

These stories are still a work in progress, I am looking for everything - grammar, POV problems, plotting issues. Please note, spelling is Canadian not American so don't point the differences. Hit me with your best shot!

Reviews

[TLK]

I'm sorry that no-one has reviewed this, I really am. And I hope that you had more luck elsewhere. However, it is simply impossible for people to read all of this text and review it easily. On another site I use, there is a very clear warning to only post 3,000 words max. Can anyone really sit at a screen to read and digest this much writing? I've done a wordcount and this is over 18,000 words!