A Falling Empire

I am not really one to do poems. I made this one only for a special someone... >///<

If this beating Castle of mine were to feel

I would actually have a song to sing

If I could realize what was real

I could dust off these sad wings

Fly somewhere to find some kind of sign

If I could realize what was real 

Pieces of me would align

Then the moment of awakening I would feel

But it's not like that, I am breaking

This breath of mine he is taking

Playing with my heart until dawn

Why? Thinking I'll respawn?

This Castle is mine to defend

I must be sure to stay awake

For I will for sure meet my end

And my heart he will take.

~Locket Grey

Author's Note

Let me know what you think. Comments are appreciated. ^w^

Reviews

[L.C. Jarrette]

please correct me if i'm wrong about my interpretation of your poem:
i think you are putting a wall in your heart because you're afraid to let someone in, afraid of getting hurt and afraid to be vulnerable. but deep down inside, you know that you are slowly falling into that frightening pit. a pit, which is for you - who have guarded your heart for so long - would liberate you for the first time and allow you to free those chains to let someone in.

[Cy!]

Bulls eye. You got it right on. Amazing comprehension you have...

[L.C. Jarrette]

yeah, because this poem is totally me. i am also a person with a guarded heart. (sigh) :)

[L.C. Jarrette]

i so love this poem...

[keith]

'If this beating Castle of mine were to feel'
'Pieces of me would align
Then the moment of awakening I would feel'
'I am breaking'
'Playing with my heart until dawn
Why? Thinking I'll respawn?'
'And my heart he will take.'

so honest so telling
it's ok to have the doubts
it's ok to keep your guard up
it's better to be honest

you have done yourself justice with a most descriptive tale that has you as it's central thought

[Elizabeth]

This is amazing! I loved the rhyme scheme and the story this poem is trying to tell. Can't wait to read your other works!

[Truths reflection]

I absolutely love it *_*
I don't know much about writing poems but you sparked a feeling inside me.
You took me to a different world.

This is fascinating, try to write more poems and keep the good work up

[Cy!]

why, thank you. I will try. ^w^

[Dr. Wood ?]

maybe FOR I WILL SURELY MEET MY END to get rid of the two 'fors' in the penultimate line and keep the rhythm going

[Cy!]

ah, yes i will fix that. thank you

[Andrew M Parker]

'And my heart he will take.'
I love this line. I can't quite figure why, but I do.

Extrordinary work. :) You should be proud.

(is Locket Grey a pen name?)

[Cy!]

The last name is. Why do you ask?

[Andrew M Parker]

It sounds like something from a fairy tale. Very pretty.

[Cy!]

Well, thank you. ^^

[Andrew M Parker]

You're welcome :)

[Cyprian Van Dyke]

I really enjoyed this poem. I love the first two stanzas for the "if I could realize what was real" lines and how they fit perfectly into the context of your poem. Tyfs!!

[Cy!]

Thank you! ^^ I usually don't have a really good concept of reality.

[Cyprian Van Dyke]

Does anyone really? You're most welcome!

[Sapientiam]

Now, this is very interesting. The romantic feel that I get from this is strong, so are the words in this poem. I feel like every line had its own power because they struck my heart whenever I re-read them for understanding. Well done!

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Seems to me like the writer is confused if they want to let their heart be taken or not.. 😉
Nicely penned emotions here..

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

Is the castle meant to resemble a wall? as in like your afraid to let this person in?
I'm trying to see if I got the meaning to this poem.
I enjoyed it anways whether I'm right or wrong haha.
I think it was sweet and emotion filled.
I liked it :)

[Cy!]

No its your heart. And thank you :)

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

Your welcome :)