When I was small.

When I was small,

I dreamed of a better world.

I came up with ideas of creating things,

great things,

life changing things to better us all.

I believed we could have a world of purity,

a world of warmth,

a world of kindness.

When I was small,

I dreamed of a better world

When I was small,

I believed in love.

I believed in the experience of true love:
the infatuation and the pain.

I believed that love is the one thing that could win.

I wanted to be apart of a team,

a team of passion and adventure.

I wanted a partner in life.

Someone to catch me when I fall,

and push me when I stood too tall.

When I was small,

I believed in love.

When I was small,

I wanted to be the hero.

Someone to look up to,

someone to admire,

someone you can trust.

I wanted to fight the good fight:

fight for the weak,

vanquish the dark.

I wanted to be an angel of the light.

When I was small,

I wanted to be a hero.

When I was small,

I hoped I would find myself.

I hoped I’d one day find peace,

I’d finally let go,

I’d finally feel free.

I hoped I’d be able to smile,

a real smile with real emotion.

I hoped I would be happy with my life:

the choices I’d have made,

the sacrifice I’d have given,

the tears I’d have shed.

I hoped I would finally be done.

I hoped I’d one day look in the mirror,

and be able to recognize myself.

When I was small,

I hoped I would find myself.

When I was small,

I thought about how to live.

I thought that if surviving was different,

then I must try to live.

I thought in order to live,

I needed to be happy which means:

I needed to dream of a better world,

I needed to believe in love,

I needed to want to be a hero,

I needed to hope I will find myself.

I thought to my small self,

I don’t want to just survive,

I want to live.

I thought to my small self,

If I can do all of that,

then I will surely live.

When I was a small,

I thought about how to live.

When I was small,

I learned.

I learned that there is no such thing as a better world.

The more I grow the more I see and feel:

the loss of purity,

the dying warmth,

the abuse of kindness.

I learned that love is as much a weakness as it is a strength.

True love stays in the stories where it can be appreciated,

where it can be trusted,

where it can grow old and die in peace.

I learned that heroes are overrated.

When you look at a fight from all angles,

you sometimes become the one in the dark;

and when you enter the light,

the darkness is still behind you where you left it.

I learned that I don’t know who I am.

I make sacrifices,

I make the tough decisions,

and I look myself in the mirror to realize there are no tears:

I don’t like her but I know her,

and we know we will never be done.

I learned that I’m a survivor.

I survive whatever I get,

and I can convince everyone that I am thriving.

The truth is I’ve become hollow,

I do what needs to be done to get by:

I only seem to feel like I’m surviving.

I learned that the small child and I were once the same,

but I’ve grown a little now.

So I have to let her go into her fantasies.

I need to let her go because when I think back to her,

she cries at the story of my life.

When I was small,

I learned.