*Doomsday. [Song.]

IM FINISHED :3 This is gonna be MY song. Ima team up with Max meb to help me come up with a tune...he's the only other musicion I know around town that I relly respect...hell actually he respects my work...but i need his help & one day itll show up on my

 

:[

 

Let’s watch as the world burns.

Orange flames dancing as it turns.

This is our fault, we couldn’t stop.

Now stand still & watch as the stars all drop.

 

Streets overcrowded with panicking masses.

Cracks in the roads spilling poisonous gasses.

All the rivers run thick with boiling blood.

Corpses wash up on shore, pale & caked with mud.

 

We brought this wrath down by our idiocy.

We destroyed ourselves with our hypocrisy.

Now watch as the oceans boil & rage.

And Mother Earth is encased in a fiery cage.

 

Let’s watch as the world burns.

Orange flames dancing as it turns.

This is our fault, we couldn’t stop.

Now stand still & watch as the stars all drop.

 

The trees are transformed into flaming torches.

That claw desperately at the Sun that scorches.

The sky is falling and children are bawling.

Angels are dropping and hearts are all stopping.

 

Comets come crashing through the atmosphere.

People stop to watch them, paralyzed by fear.

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

It shouldn’t end but it must.

 

Let’s watch as the world burns.

Orange flames dancing as it turns.

This is our fault, we couldn’t stop.

Now stand still & watch as the stars all drop.

 

This is our fault.

This is punishment.

This is our fault.

Our time’s been spent.

Reviews

[Lynx]

Hmm... I think some parts of this seem quite forced, and the grammar a bit too. I'm not sure the rhytm would flow well in a song either but overall as a poem it's awesome, xD This is my fav. stanza

Comets come crashing through the atmosphere.
People stop to watch them, paralyzed by fear.
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
It shouldn't end but it must.

[Kevin Andros]

Is the music set? I'd like to hear the song to get a better feel of this. ~KA~

[satanic666]

i like it especially the part of their hypocrisy and the fact we caused all of it i hate divine intervention.

[Cardinal Robin]

Now stand still & watch as the stars all drop.
Killer good line...
How about
"ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
It shouldn't end but 'in God We Trust'"
I love the energy of it, and can feel the doom flying all around,
It would be nice to have one more stanza about people freaking out while it happens,
Then again you've covered cracking, boiling, bleeding, falling, panicking, dancing, raging, bawling, flaming, clawing, dropping and stopping. A pretty fine mess..in a great way.
I don't see it as resentment of the end (as in Twilight's review) rather celebration and a "So There, FOOLS!"
Fun to read and sound out, I hope it's Hardcore like OG Black Flag style.

[.:Naiira Harlow:.]

This sure does make me think different of doomsday. The emotion for this poem almost sounds angry to me as if you are watching as everyone burns. Like you resent bringing this end to the world. Well done with the deep emotion.