Anarchy

:] I like to challenge myself to string together long rhymes, more complicated words, longer stanzas. This is practice work but I quite like it.

 

I’m sick of this self-righteous nation

So quick to judge & make condemnations

So quick to start wars, begin instigations

Sick of the high prices, rising inflammation.

I’m sick of this country, in love with itself

With no thought of it’s citizens or their health

While others starve, we reach out no hand to help

We bath in our pool of sticky fat & green wealth.

 

I’m sick of this land filled with ignorant fools

Who have no independence, just empty-faced tools,

With their silent consent, greed & gluttony rule

We get two types of rulers: Incompetent & cruel.

 

I’m sick of an establishment with no detectable soul

I’m sick of getting dragged deeper into this damp, dark hole

That they’ve dug themselves into, self-destruction is their goal.

The kings & queens are laughing as the pawns fulfill their role. 

 

I’m sick of a government with no sense of direction

Sick of them putting bugs & tabs on all of my connections

Sick of feeling like a bug under a microscope for inspection
They’re making blunders left & right but none will allow correction.

Author's Note

Not Done Yet.

Reviews

[Darmochwal]

I don't usually like things that rhyme, but this is pretty good, the words are different enough and it has an offbeat to the rhythym that works in it's favor as well as the political slant, one suggestion, "bathe" instead of bath.

[Daniel T. Hayes]

Since this is a practice poem, I will be critical. The rhyming and structure are effective at letting the reader follow the poetic stream to it's conclusion.
However, I would have liked you to take the repeated "I'm sick of" line and develop it in the other lines. For example, elaborate on the word "sick", and make a couple of lines that actually make the reader physically ill. Or talk about stomach flu. Otherwise, the poem is too general.
The use of the word "inflammation" and the line "citizens or their health" is on the right track, but ultimately the poem isn't about a sickness, it is about dissatisfaction with the status quo. So the the phrase "I'm sick of" doesn't work.
To stick with that line, maybe make a few more lines saying things like:
"I'm sick of throwing up my good ideas all over the children that are left behind"
You know? Think about sickness, both literal and metaphorical, and how both a person and a nation can be sick in the same way.
Hope this helps, it is a great start!
-D

[Emily Elizabeth]

Fantastic! The rhyme scheme you've used is very effective, unique and stunning. Some of the sentences are a bit tricky, but as it's a work in progress and an experiment, it's understandable.I'm not sure what country you're talking about exactly, but it applies to a large vary of them I'm sure.

[Lani]

Sounds like Bob Dylan's song, "It's alright, Ma, I'm Only Bleeding", but more angry. Pretty powerful.

[Black Lioness]

very well expressed