Poisoned Dreams

Half for a contest I'm entering it in, & Half just because it popped out of my brain & splattered on the page & I wanted to save it. :] Enjoy.

This poison spreads within my being,

It's burning my eyes & I am seeing,
Evil colors dancing around my vision,

Greens, Plums, mustards & crimsons.

In an invisible wind, they twist & twirl,

They pile up in clouds then slowly unfurl.

Are they all in my head?
Could I be dead?
They brush against my skin, & the contact burns,

They're all the colors of the vomit your stomach churns.

"I must finally be going crazy"

I think as they float through the air, so lazy.

All yellow & glowing

And rolling & flowing.

Like smoke from a fireplace,

The searing heat hurts my face,

Makes my eyes water & the colors blur,

Whether this is real or fantasy, I am still unsure.

Author's Note

Should I delete the last 6 lines?

Reviews

[Robyn]

i really enjoyed reading this poem!
i liked the use of colors and imagery! i vote keep the last 6 lines....definitely keep the last 2.....those are my absolute favorite!
there were two lines i wasnt sure about...
"Are they all in my head?
Could I be dead?"

to me, those lines broke up the flow of the piece a little...maybe add more words to those phrases so they fit in better.

overall, great write!

[Seriana]

No no no! Leave them, this is fabulous! I love the colors. :) Great job Lizz. One small correction though (so you get it for your contest) I think your second yellow line should be they, not the? Is that right?
Great piece. I love this! :)