The Vampire [Unfinished Version]

This is about 1/4th of a poem I was writing...I was feeling vampires at the moment & in a romantic mood so I started a twisted dark love story...as always it rhymes =/. I feel like Dr. Seuss sometimes. But hey, it floats mah boat. X3 Enjoy.

Blood red eyes that watch me weep.

Whose stare cuts into me, so very deep.

Harsh color against skin white as snow.

How is he so beautiful? I need to know.

 

Flawless & chiseled is his face.

His movements are lithe & dripping with grace.

 He's watching me with a hungry gaze.

Against my throat his sharp teeth graze.

 

I shiver & he smiles, amused by my fear.

He raises his lips, whispers in my ear,

"I know you're confused, but you'll soon understand."

This being said, he took my hand.

 

The teeth returned to my throat once more.

His tongue & lips began to explore.

Finding the right spot, he clamped down hard.

His fangs pierced me like twin-jagged shards.

 

Hours later, face down in the mud,

My neck coated with crusted blood.

I awaken to find him kneeling over me,

Perched on the twisted roots of a tree.

 

"What happened to me? What did you do?"

He smiles, "My dear, I just transformed you."

He hands me a mirror that I peer into,

My face is chalk white, my eyes icy blue.

 

"WHAT DID YOU DO! What have I become?"

I know I should cry, but the tears just wont come.

"You have become like me so that we shall be together.

You & me for eternity. I shall keep you forever."

 

"I barely know you! Change me back, you cad!"

"I'm sorry, my lady. I don't think I can."
"You're truly a monster!" I cry & run off.

He passes me like the wind & cuts me off.

 

"Do you want to go home & be stabbed in the heart?
You're a vampire now, a creature of the dark.

Do you think because you're their daughter they'll spare you?"
"What do you know of such things? I shall have them impale you!"

 

Written by,

Elizabeth Ann McClure

(copyrighted)

Author's Note

Unfinished...I don't know when I;ll get to it...please dont pressure me...I'll cry O.O! jk

Reviews

I like this start. I am glad it's not finished yet it draws you in and then it stops. It shows you can keep a persons curiosity. That is a good thing to be able to do.

[Legion]

"Who's stare cuts into me, so very deep." - Who's I think should be Whose - I might be wrong on that.

I like this. You should post the rest of it. Maybe try something without the rhyme as well. It will leave you more open to explore different opportunities and not feel so closed off when trying to come up with a rhyme to fit the last line or so.

I have a few pieces you might enjoy (if you haven't already). "The Curse From Madame Rouge", "A Walk in the Sun", "A Passion for Perfection", and "A Passion for Perfection II". Check them out when you get a chance. I think you'll like them. My favorite is "A Walk in the Sun", but to each his own.

If you post the rest of this or write more on it, please read request me or send me a message about it. I would like to read more.

[shadadakiya]

wow this is great work very good i like it sounds like a movie