The Dark Alcoves

The dark places inside your head...

The Dark Alcoves

 

                An explosion went off inside her chest; she radiated pain so heartbreaking Misha couldn’t even breathe as she sat near her twin sister, “Kiko, what’s wrong?”

                Kiko shook with a sob and leaned back against the railing of Marquis’s balcony, her blue eyes burned into Misha’s green ones, “I’m a disappointment,”

                Her eyes widened, “What do you mean? Who told you that?” She inquired reverting to their native Russian.

                “Bad memories Misha,” She whispered, her voice raw with emotion, “So many bad memories make the good ones shine a little less,”

                Misha pushed a lock of black curls from Kiko’s face; the twins wore their natural beauty with grace, they were both slender and 5’7; their only differences were their eyes, they both had full lips and pallid complexions like their Russian mother and tresses of black curls from their Roman father, their immortality branded them 16 forever. Misha sighed and put her arms around her sister, “Mind sharing them with me,”

                Kiko stared at her, her blue eyes swimming with torment, “I’ll tell you mine, if you tell me yours,”

                She nodded and looked up at the darkening Heavens, “We are sisters and yet we know not of each other’s past lives, of childhoods so…shameful, they are hidden in the darkest alcoves of our mind and now as we reach the end of light on a whim we share them,” She excused herself and left her sister for a few moments, she returned carrying a full bottle of Vodka, a tub of chocolate chip ice cream, and two silver spoons. She sat down and stretched her long legs; Misha opened the bottle of Vodka and drank from the mouth of it, she handed it to her sister as she satisfied the burn it made going down her throat with a spoonful of ice cream. Kiko watched her patiently; unsure of what she would say as she took a swig of the clear liquor.

                “I watched my mother die when I was 6; she slit open her veins and bled her last drop when they ripped Aleksei from her womb,” Misha started softly, “I remember being in the waiting room with my brother and sister, Micah didn’t even remember she was his mother, he didn’t understand why we were crying, he didn’t even know who I was, Marquis was there, he was holding me… I think in the back of my subconscious I knew he was my father… but when Nikolai came out of that room, crying, I wanted to ignore it and run to this man and for his sake pretend I was his,” She paused and swallowed against the lump in her throat as tears rolled down her cheeks, “Those years between then and moving to America were a daze, I’ve locked them up so deep I can’t even see them now.

                “Nikolai didn’t come with us, Micah and I were alone, Kasha had staid with him and Aleksei; I was only 9 when we came and at first it was okay, Micah had to stay at the hospital for treatment so it was just me and my Keeper Polina…” Misha stopped for a moment, took a swig of Vodka, and looked at the sky, “She didn’t quite like me. Polina Mischavol, my dreadful Keeper, the back of her hand tasted like a mixture of blood, salt, and the vanilla brown sugar lotion she used; I had never been struck across the face like that before then…” She blinked and her eyes clouded with a deep anger, “I will always savor that as my first kill, ripping apart Polina’s flesh as her husband watched. They had me on the floor Kiko when I was a little girl scrubbing away the dirt in the basement… I worked so hard in school and the children spit on me… they spit on me until I find Cain…” Her words had become distorted in her throat and she became silent.

                Kiko’s face turned to stone, “They spit on you?” She cocked her head to the side, “They spit on me too, do you have any idea what it feels like to know that Marquis, our father, sold me to them? I was a slave Misha; in Russia if you are a slave girl and woman you only have 2 options: to be chained to the Master’s bed or to be his dog and do his bidding; I got the chance to be both,” She began to fidget nervously, “As a little girl I was literally chained to his bed, naked, defenseless against him as he hurt me and when I turned 13 I thanked God I could be numb, I would rather kill for a living than be chained to that bed,” She pulled her knees to her chest and held her ankles, “Do you know what it feels like to have your insides raped for the pleasure of a sick b*****d?”

                Misha went rigid and Kiko winced as they momentarily shared the same memory of a man named Jerry Hoover, Kiko shook her head, “It was worse than that Misha and when I come to America I was practically hand delivered to the government… Ryu is the only good thing I’ve ever done; I don’t want him to see me as the slave I am…was... I just want him to love me,” She looked away from her and drank more liquor, “I screwed up Lynn so bad, Misha, I loved her and I tried and all I did was hurt her, damn choices, what was I to do? I couldn’t take her to America, they would have ripped her from my arms and butchered her and leaving her in Russia…” She shook her head, “The boy who raped her when she was 13, he was my Master’s son, how could I have let that happen, I tried so hard to protect her… she hates me, Misha, my baby grew up to hate me,”

                Misha shook her head, “Lynn loves you and she just wants to make you proud,”

                “No, Misha, when she told me she was going to marry William, do you know what I told her? That I was ashamed of her, how could any mother be so callous? I hid her from her own father…” She retorted, her sins evident across her face.

                She shook her head again, “No one can blame you, and those people made you that way,”

                She smirked, “I was born cold to the world, at least for 6 years you had mother’s arms to warm you; I love them so much, my boys, my Lynn, my Ryu, mine. Only mine, they make me warm when the world is cold,”

                Misha swallowed and hugged her, “No more of this talk, the past is dead let us not unbury it any longer,”

                Kiko sighed and rested her head on her knees and didn’t reply. Misha wrapped her arms around her twin sister and hugged her, “I love you Kiko,”

                She began to shake and looked up at her and laughed, Misha stared at her confused, “What…?”

                She shook her head, “Damn the Past, damn them, tears are wasteful, laughter is much more pleasing,”

                Misha scowled at her, “You’re crazy,”

                She smiled at her, “I’m crazy, you’re the one who married a German,”

                She made a face at her, “A very sexy German and besides you’re with a man who was practically raised by said government that you hate, we’re both crazies who should be locked up in the asylum with Lecter,”

                “Lecter was a genius, I would gladly rot in an asylum by his cell if all he did was talk to me,” Kiko smiled softly, “That’s a lie, I wouldn’t be sane without Ryu there with me…even though it’s an asylum and they don’t expect you to be sane,”

                Misha nodded, “I understand…there is one thing bothering me still,” She mumbled, her face held little emotion and Kiko arched a brow at her, “And that is?”

                She smiled wickedly, “I want to kill them,”

                “Who?”

                “The Indigo, the b******s who hurt you, I want to kill them,”

                Kiko smiled softly, “It isn’t your burden Misha,”

               

vvv

 

                She was only 12 when it happened, all she had to do was endure for one more year and then she would be able to leave and become a dog instead of the Master’s toy and then this happened. This thing started to grow inside her and she hated this thing but she loved this thing; her stomach grew rounded after 5 months that was when she learned the thing was inside of her, the Master kept his slaves ignorant so they wouldn’t have the sense to rebel. She didn’t know how to read or write until she was 13. She was scared of this thing, it hurt her insides and she didn’t understand she just knew this thing was a baby and it was trying to kill her. The Master found out 5 months before she turned 13, he was angry, he called her names so cruel to her ears they scarred her worse then the blows he gave her, he got her onto the ground and stepped on the thing making her stomach round. Kiko cried as the Nice Doctor took her dead baby…

                She woke panting; the explosions had only receded a bit and now returned with painful vibrancy as it burned inside her chest. “Bad Memories…” she muttered to herself, she slid out of bed and pulled a large night shirt over her; she grabbed her phone from the nightstand and hid in the large closet she shared with Ryu. She took a deep breath as she slid to the ground, her back against the cold wall; the light from the cell phone was the only means of luminosity. Kiko had only lost two babies in her life, the first one when she was 12; she imagined it to be a boy, she had taken the body before the Nice Doctor destroyed it and put it in a box; she remembered running with it. She had made it all the way to a green hill and the most beautiful tree she had ever seen, in her 12 year old mind she made herself believe that God had planted it there so she could bury her son. When she had finished and tucked him safely in the ground, she took out a pairing knife she had stolen from the kitchen and marked the wood with the name Mitya. The second baby, she had imagined to be a girl and had lost her after Lynn and Daryan were born, she wanted another little girl so even though Lynn was grown she would have a little sister and Daryan could be a big brother but in the alley that night her own Uncle Matteo had taken her, stripped her of all her dignity and made her feel like the slave she had once been. He had killed her little Vana, he had executed her light before she had seen the world; Kiko had been comatose when the Nice Doctor ripped her out of her womb. Vana was buried beneath pink marble in her family cemetery. Her youngest child Knox had been a Godsend. And the only thing she prayed for was that her three children with Ryu, her beautiful living children, would be better than her and that Ryu loved them as much as she did. When she thought back on her life, she always found it strange even though she was born cold and made numb how easy is was to fall in love with Ryu and yet even to this day still be afraid she’d lose him. Kiko heaved a sigh and muttered what Sister Rose Clarence would call a ‘selfish prayer’ in her native language, “Lord, please don’t take Ryu away from me, keep him safe always and let his heart forever be mine,”

                She looked at her phone and pushed the speed dial, it rang three times before Lynn answered groggily, “Hello?” The explosions inside her ebbed at the sound of her daughter’s voice.

 “I’m sorry to wake you…” She started when Lynn cut her off, “No mommy, its okay, what’s wrong?”

                Mommy, she savored the sweet word and for a moment remembered how Lynn was when she was a child, “Nothing is wrong my sweet,” She whispered, “I just missed you that’s all,”

                Lynn laughed sleepily, “I live a few blocks down mommy, and you see me all the time,”

                Kiko sighed, “I know but I miss it when you were a little girl and I could hold you close to me,”

                “Mama, are you sure there’s nothing wrong?” Her daughter inquired softly.

                She took a deep breath, “Just tell me how much you adore me and your father and make me feel better…”

                Lynn laughed again, “Oh mommy, I love you and daddy so much, what little girl wouldn’t love two of the most bad a*s people to walk this planet, two people who are so completely awesome that they don’t even have to be married to show they can stay together forever,” She rambled and then yawned, “I love you guys, feel better?”

                Kiko smiled a little and said softly, “Yes, baby, now go back to sleep,”

                Lynn started to argue and then stopped, “Okay, good night Mama,”

                “Night my sweet,” She whispered and hung up. The explosions burned a little more as the word Marriage lodged its way into her conscience. It was a thing like Mitya had been a thing when she was 12 but she wasn’t ignorant to the concept, she actually found the thought pleasing to be with someone for eternity, to be loved, to be claimed by someone who actually cared for you. But it was like the forbidden fruits of Eden, a slave couldn’t be married to someone above themselves, Kiko shook her head, those rules didn’t apply to her anymore, it was a notion she had repeated to herself since she had become a dog but she was no longer one of those either; she was just Kiko Von Norra, no rules applied to her and she prided herself in that. But deep in the dark alcoves of her mind, she knew the no longer fixable, damaged part of her still thought of herself as that little girl chained to the Master’s cradle, it was the reason she gave all her children their father’s last name, so they could have…options. She pulled her knees into her chest and hugged her ankles; she wanted to be near her companion. She didn’t like to hide from Ryu, but she never wanted him to see her like this, vulnerability was a weak point and weak points can mean death. In her mind she knew of only one way to eradicate such a weakness; Kiko savored it in her mouth as she sat in the darkness of the closet. Even the most illiterate of slaves know what poison to feed their Master, but alas the woman was not obtuse for she shown in brilliance which made the poison so much deadlier.

 

vvv

 

                She was in the shade of Mitya’s Tree, their was a warm breeze tickling the back of her neck and her mind raced with plans of vengeance; Kiko was meticulous in her preparation, every detail had to fit correctly into place before anything could be carried out. She sighed taking in the scent of her home country, she shut her eyes and ventured into the more pleasant parts of her recollections; Thomas Harris coined it best by using the term “Memory Palace” to describe Hannibal’s mindset, that is what she always thought of when she retreated to the safety of her mind, her very own “Memory Palace”. Darkness protruded from many of the corners in her mind but there was light there as well, in the safety of her walls, she entered into the warmth of a room so vibrant she almost had to squint; there in the room made of warmth was a large bottle of liquid sunshine, she reached forward and wrapped her fingers around it’s neck and drank from it’s mouth memories so sweet they flooded her with adoration. In her mind she saw Lynn as a 5 year old girl, she had been in and out of hospitals for months after Simon Landry had broken her, the Nice Doctor said she would never walk again, but Lynn walked fine she didn’t even have a limp. Kiko had held her hand as they walked to Mitya’s Tree, she had kissed her fingers and placed them over Mitya’s name before turning to her daughter, “This was your brother, he is dead,”

                Lynn was so innocent and curious in her questions, “How did he die mama?”

                Kiko sat down and pulled Lynn into her arms, she stroked her hair and held onto her tightly, Lynn was perfection in her arms, her sweet sun-kissed flower, “He was taken from me like you were but he couldn’t survive like you did, you must never leave me like that again, do you understand?”

                Lynn had nodded and buried her face into her shoulder, “Was daddy sad when he died?”

                She had continued to stroke her hair, she could feel the heart inside Lynn’s chest beating beautifully, “That is something we will talk about much later when you are older; mommy doesn’t want to poison you with sadness…” Kiko held her in her arms and they sat in silence, she listened to her calm breathing and it pacified her…

                She opened her eyes again and sucked in a deep breath through her teeth. Kiko tried to imagine holding Mitya in her arms and watching him grow up, but couldn’t; her insides writhed with pain. She shook her head to clear away the memories. She stood and took a step forward; she flitted back to her home in New Orleans. Kiko slipped inside and called her sister Misha and then her daughter Lynn in a three-way conference call, “I need you both to come over and bring William and Cain with you,” She muttered and hung up the phone.

               

 

                               

 

Author's Note

it isn't exactly finished... More to be added.