A Gift

A cotton-like platform,

to catch the falling sun,

Return to the sky,

my shining is not yet done.

I cannot contain the excitement,

of the emotions behind the rush.

Whisper to me softly, 

it may be nothing much.

But a crescent moon,

a total eclipse,

This marvelous gift,

upon nature’s lips.

Reviews

[Melina]

You do a great job in describing this simple thing and making it beautiful and phenomenal. Great job!

[† Allybear!!! &d..]

this one is really awesome. its got a good flow, good sybolism, and a wonderful expression. its also a lil romantic.

[The Batman]

This does have a flow to it that makes the reader read it easily. The rhyming helps as well, and it doesn't feel like you forced the rhymes there. More like they just came to you, matching up perfectly. This is a great poem, especially for a young writer. Congratulations and good job :)

[Vartul]

Nice. there is a flow in the poem which isn't easy to achieve. The rhyming, though simple, isn't forced, adding to the aesthetics of the poem. Some quirky thoughts there, and i like the imagery. I've read so many childish poems written by teenage girls, its lovely to find a good piece. :)
keep writing.

[wijdan]

the last stanza is rally good
keep writing you r good at it :)