Forest of After

The lonely after-life of a deceased human.

Dissimilar stones of brown and gold,

Lining the path of my footsteps home,

Clenching a long twig within my palm,

Dragging behind me it made a track of it’s own.

The rattling leaves calling my name,

Beg me to join them, take part in their game,

Where we’ll swing from treetops only to fall,

Let loose, it’s Autumn if I shall recall.

Light was slipping further and further away,

Nighttime was ready to overcome this dull day.

Stars awaiting the signal to remain unshackled,

I wish to become their savior in this kingdom of after.

Eyes fading deep into weariness, praying for rest,

Tough labor inching to be part of my test,

Loneliness consumed me and nature abused me.

Life after death, the mortals it’s lacking.

Reviews

[A.E. Surdam]

As I read, I imagine a beautiful forest. This was very beautiful. Very sweet.

[Indirector]

Wow, so connected with nature I feel like I'm there, even from the middle of this big city where at this very second my ears are being crammed with airplane jet noises.
But anyway, this is awesome. The last line in the 3rd stanza is my favorite part and really brought the whole piece together for me made it into something I love. Very well done.

[Sujash I. Purna]

"I wish to become their savior in this kingdom of after" a tantalised feeling! Very poignant! Lovely work indeed!

[Hayley]

Wow, this is probably the best thing you've ever written, in my opinion! This is very well crafted and I love how you made this subject matter work. Every stanza is just amazing, and you definitely incorporated some good imagery.

[Chelsea]

Ooooo, I really like the rhyme scheme going on here. Its not set in stone, so its not like youre confined by it. Very very good(:

[.........]

I like this! There's some sort of plot behind it.. some experience that im not quite sure of what it means, but i think the rhyming was good. sometimes i find rhyming obnoxious but not this time, i think this was really well constructed. I like the third stanza the best, "Stars awaiting the signal to remain unshackled I wish to become their savior in this kingdom of after" is probably my favorite line of that stanza, but I think my favorite line that really sums up your whole poem was, "Loneliness consumed me and nature abused me", good job liz!