Forest of After

The lonely after-life of a deceased human.

Dissimilar stones of brown and gold,

Lining the path of my footsteps home,

Clenching a long twig within my palm,

Dragging behind me it made a track of it’s own.

The rattling leaves calling my name,

Beg me to join them, take part in their game,

Where we’ll swing from treetops only to fall,

Let loose, it’s Autumn if I shall recall.

Light was slipping further and further away,

Nighttime was ready to overcome this dull day.

Stars awaiting the signal to remain unshackled,

I wish to become their savior in this kingdom of after.

Eyes fading deep into weariness, praying for rest,

Tough labor inching to be part of my test,

Loneliness consumed me and nature abused me.

Life after death, the mortals it’s lacking.

Reviews

[Another Relic]

A wonderful poem.

[Lucien Maier]

nice flow, good visuals excellent work

[Divinity Sleeps in This]

Very classical if I might say so myself, interesting turn of word choice too.

[Vartul]

I liked the Title a lot, the first few lines and intermittent lines in the poem, but it is somewhat disjointed. Another problem is subtlety. Let the fact that you're presenting a human's afterlife flow through the poem like waves washing over the reader's consciousness. Don't use obvious words and remove the subtitle at the beginning. Trust your readers intelligence and let them discover who or what this poem is about. Hope this helps. :)

[Antonio Valentino]

I was lured in by the title and wasn't disappointed. So much to like in this... the rattling leaves begging you to join them, the stars awaiting the signal to remain unshackled... enjoyed this very much, keep it up, you have a lot of raw talent!

Antonio

[Truth_About_Rain]

Wow, great imagery! I loved the words you used... :) A very beautiful write!! :D

[Kelly M.]

You used a lot of imagination here, and it was all very powerful. You have a very poetic, creative mind. Nice write! :)

[SOUL LESS]

A little forced rhyme here and there, but it was a good solid poem nevertheless. You do have a reasonable degree of imagination, yet your lack of observation or experience of nature is dragging you down. I can find no unique symbols in this and so it does not really stand out.
Still, you're a young 'un, you'll improve. Just Keep Writing :)

[Carrie Manor]

You have an awesome imagination, I am most impressed by this piece of artwork. Theres a lot of effort in it. (:

[shoaib]

great work here :) the imagery is spectacular :)