Iris and the Raven

Just a little poem that I wrote for English class about a year ago. I was supposed to tell the story of my life, so that's what I did.

Iris and the Raven

There once was a girl named Iris who thought that she was like all the rest

But once as she went out to play she realized that it was all a jest

The other children would all cry out, “Look! Today the sky is so blue!”

But ask about things such as colors, and young Iris, she had not a clue

So, tired of not understanding, Iris went on a journey to find

A way to change her black and white mind

Setting off on her journey, she was so full of hope

But soon Iris realized that she might as well consult a bar of soap

She asked for advice from her family, she asked all her friends

She went to the most unusual ends

But still, no one knew how to see all in color

And, what is more, they didn't believe her world truly was duller

So alone went young Iris, away from her home

Wishing she did not have to be alone

With no real thought as to where as to where she was going

She walked into the woods, her pace never slowing

Wandering along without paying much attention Iris soon found herself stuck in a bog

Too far for anyone to hear her calls, except perhaps a passing frog

Iris did not have to wait long, though it felt like many years

Until along came a raven and dried all her tears.

The raven pulled her out of the bog and flew high above the forest’s canopy

When Iris opened her eyes and looked around she gasped at what she could see

Silhouetted by the setting sun, there stood a mountain, cold and grey

Standing there, taunting Iris, it filled her heart up with dismay

With no explanation Iris knew she had to reach the top

And with that, her optimism came to a stop

But, as the raven then lowered her back to the ground

Iris regained a new hope that her dream could be found

After setting her down the raven turned into a butterfly

Neither Iris nor the creature could seem to figure out why

Together they persisted, delighted to be no longer alone

Even with the wind chilling them straight to the bone

Iris and the butterfly made it out of the forest, but instead of stepping out into the light of the sun

They stood in the shadow of the mountain, and realized their journey had just begun

With the butterfly flitting around her, Iris began to climb

Hoping in vain that she would finish before the nighttime

Just as she was starting it began to rain

And Iris began to feel that her efforts were in vain

But she struggled and she fought, until lo and behold

She reached the top of the mountain and to her sanity she grabbed hold

Iris stood atop the cliff, waiting to see everything anew

But when she looked above her the sky still wasn't blue

Iris collapsed on the earth, filled with despair

The sounds of her sobs carried off into the air

Finally, exhausted, Iris looked back towards home

To fully understand the pointlessness of how far she had come

But to her surprise, instead of a dull mass of trees

Iris saw something her eyes just couldn't believe

Nearly stumbling off the mountain in her surprise Iris saw the path she had come by

Her steps looked different than anything she’d ever seen, the wonder of it made her cry

Her vision blurred and she noticed that the sky had cleared from all the rain

Daring her eyes to deceive her, Iris looked up again

Completely breathless Iris saw above her the most beautiful, unexplainable thing

She looked around and saw this had happened to everything

Realizing now what was happening all around her

Iris finally dared to call what she now saw “color”

 

Author's Note

Really any advice would be greatly appreciated. I would especially like to hear what how the flow sounds to you.

Reviews

[emipoemi]

I have no doubt that this is a well structured story, full of imagination and, dare I say it, "colour". But because you're attempting to write a ballad, as this would be called, flow is an extremely key factor. And by flow, I particularly mean musicality. Rhymes need to land on a certain beat in the rhythm and musicality, otherwise the poem sounds bland and flat, and that's the least of your desires in writing (especially in poetry). So what needs some heavy-duty operation is the musicality, for many lines are too wordy for the musicality to possibly carry over via the couplets you have written it in. Apart from that, simply wonderful- imagery, rhymes, narrative- simply well done! Good start!