ITS ALMOST CHRISTMAS B*****S!! XD

Funny as hell but **I DID NOT WRITE THIS**

**I DID NOT WRITE THIS**

'Twas the night before Christmas, and boy was it neat.

The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat.

The doors were all bolted, the phone off the hook,

It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.

Momma in her teddy and I in the nude,

Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube.

When out on the lawn there arose such a cry,

That I lost my boner, and momma went dry.

Up to the window I sprang like an elf,

Tore back the shade while she played with herself.

The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built,

Showed a broom up his a*s, clean up to the hilt.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer.

With a fat little driver, half out of the sled,

A sock in his ear and a bra on his head.

Sure as I'm speaking, he was high as a kite,

Whoa Shithead, whoa A*****e, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz,

Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts.

Look out for the lamp post, and don't hit the tree,

Quit shaking the sleigh, 'cause I gotta go pee.

They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub,

Just as Santa leaned out and threw up on my shrub.

And then from the roof we heard such a clatter,

As each little reindeer now emptied his bladder.

I was donning my jocked, to cover my a*s,

When down the chimmney Santa came with a crash.

His suit was al smelly with perfume galore,

He looked like a bum and smelled like a w***e.

"That was some brothel," he said with a smile,

"The reindeer are pooped, and I'll just stay awhile"

He walked to the kitchen for himself poured a drink,

Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink.

I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee,

The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee.

Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack,

But his toys were all gone, and some new things were packed.

The first thing he found was a pair of false tits,

The next was a handgun with a penis that spits.

A box filled with condoms was Santa's next find,

And six pair of panties, the edible kind.

A bra without n*****s, a penis extension,

And several more things I shouldn't even mention.

A f**k ring, a G-string, and all types of oil,

And a d***o so long that it lay in a coil.

"This stuff ain't for kids, Mrs. Santa will s**t,

So I'll leave 'em here, and then I'll just split."

He filled every stocking and then took his leave,

With one tiny butt plug stuck under his sleeve.

He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead,

Thus he fell on his a*s and broke wind instead.

In time he was seated, took reigns of his hitch,

Saying,"Take me home, Rudolf. This night's been a b***h!"

The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout,

"The best thing about p***y is you can't wear it out!!"

   !!! M E R R Y  C H R I S T M A S!!!

Author's Note

I did not write this. The author is unknown but I thought it was funny as fuck haha.

Reviews

[Megan]

Ahahaha!! Holy crap that was funny. This was great and even though you didn't write it I'm glad you shared it with us. God this made my night..funny as hell. Thanks again for posting! Haha.

[DreyaArt]

that was horribly disgusting.

[Coyote Poetry]

I have heard this one somewhere in my lifetime. No song or poem is safe from the create of mockery and laughter. Thank you for the entertaining poem.
Coyote

[Inyourshadow]

Loved it such hilarity befitting Christmas. I don't know who penned this but it's genius.

[Leave me alone....]

XD hahaha OMG THIS IS THE FUNNIEST THING I'VE EVER READ!