The Mouse and the Liar

This critical time echoes, dogs bark at the air

invading my thoughts, down the bottle I stare,

enchanted they dance, a fistful of fire

roses blood red, the mouse and the liar. 

A moments soft whisper, the person portrays

do I bow to a ruler when my thoughts are ablaze,

where is the passion, through glasses I see

blocked by a window from answers I seek.

To dream the outside, to survive through this life

sooth all the pain, the chips and the strife. 

Author's Note

I wrote this from 2 completely different lists of 10 words each from 2 different friends. Vin Rutilia and my other friend Tammy.

Reviews

[Me]

well written.

[Legacy]

LivingDeath,

Incomprehensible how you speak down of your own words on another’s review, yet when I place my thoughts to this poem, there is no doubt in my mind that your words are as powerful as she.

Having the flow of the green dancing on the hilly paths in Ire, I find myself nearly captured within the imagery while not wanting to return to a mundane existence to which we all service.

This poem has given my spirit way to thought (even though it is said this be an impossible task).

I am walking down a narrow passage of thought all the while kicking the can of reality.

Great job!

Thank you for sharing,

Legacy

Tyler, have you entered into the contests yet for Dark Secrets? Or any of the trio from Poetic Infusion Society? If not, please honor us with this write.

[Neva Flores Smith - Cha..]

Do I bow to a ruler when my thoughts are ablaze? My thoughts are invaded, down a bottle I stare...excellent!

[Gilbert Saint]

No wonder it makes no sense, the switching of tenses to the story line in the poem. The subject or subjects of the poem haven't been illuminated in the poem, all you did talk about was you. If you name your poem after something, create that something in your poem that stands for it, or be that something yourself. Hope the criticism was constructive.

[alexis]

this is amazing.I like the 2nd stanza the best.i dont know why or how but it just stands out over the rest

[Megan]

"This critical time echoes, dogs bark at the air
invading my thoughts down the bottle I stare,"
That is my favorite! I love how it just captures a moment, just one second of life.
The whole poem is beautiful and you did an amazing job :)

[Black]

I really loved it,
it has true feelings to it
good job :)

[FemmeSpookyCorpse]

The rhythm in this piece is like a heartbeat pulsing on the page! Your concept is fantastic, along with the extra support of two other brilliant voices...to all of you, great job = ]

-Femme_Gothique (Brittany)