I Am The Sky

This can be about alot of things if you think about it...

I am the sky

up up so high,

like the kites

above I'll fly.

Over the hills

and houses and mills,

toward the sun

I feel no chills.

I move like air

without a care,

I will not fall

because I dare.

I dare to break

from faceless fakes,

to live my life

with what I make.

I will not do

what others choose,

I'll set my path

to never lose.

I will be free 

to just be me,

I am my own

for the world to see.

For I am the sky 

up up so high,

like the kites

above I'll fly.

Reviews

[.shalynn.009.]

A very deceptively simple poem, especially the mantra spoken at the beginning and end. I like that in a poem that very much seems to be about individuality, you chose to use a different rhyme scheme than ABAB, instead going with AABA. You also did a good job matching up syllable counts, which is the part people seem to struggle with most.

I like that the structure of the poem also emphasizes the imagery inside of it. It's tall and somewhat thin, like the tail of a kite. Also, like anything light and boyant that would be drifting up into the sky, or even like a ladder.

The rhythm, too, almost mirrored the imagery, which is helped along by the rhyme scheme. It seems to almost twirl and drift, the way a kite or balloon might in a breeze.

"I dare to break
from faceless fakes," I liked these two lines. Almost reminiscent of Holden Caulfield. Alliteration is also one of my favorite techniques.


THe individualistic theme of the poem was stressed by the almost rpetitive use of the word "I." THere wasn't a single stanaza without the word used at least once, and usually more than once.

"I am my own
for the world to see" I also liked these two lines. It adds to the strong individualism of the speaker a very important aspect: that of being seen, which a kite in a sky will inevitably be. To be onesself is important. To be onesself without shame, with pride adn no attempt to hide said pride is a very imprtant part of being an individual.

As you can see, I like your poem a lot. I don't have any suggestions for it's improvement, but I hope this was helpful to you in some way. Good job.

[Shelby]

Wow. From the way it began, I almost expected it to be hackneyed and unoriginal, but in about the third stanza, you took me completely off guard and I was swept up in the power of your analogy and the simplicity of your expression. It was so wistful, yet I can tell you are determined. A very well written poem and eloquent expression of your resolution. Thank you for allowing me to share in this.

[Coyote Poetry]

Nothing like a free day and a clear sky. I need a day to be able to think and allow the beauty of the nature to bring me peace. I like this poem. Made me think of freedom and no problems. A excellent poem. Thank you.
Coyote

[Abbie]

very simple great write :)

100/100

[RJM]

For me this work is about individuality and being your own person and not taking s**t from any of those candy-a*s wanks who try to make you just be a mindless receiver of what they want. Great poem

[Valentine]

This would make a great poem in a childs reader with drawings..nice going..Valentine

[Krista]

You did such a wonderful job. Really descriptive and I can picture whats going on

[SarahCortland]

great rhyming and i love that i can picture the whole thing

[Fallacy Pharmacy]

Very beautifully rhymed, and flows so easily-really uplifting poem, would make a great song... Has a mellow lullaby feel to it, which is fantastic. Great write!