The Black Ravine

My guitar rings empty

as the moon falls down,

with the sound of the darkness

and the touch of the rain.

No stars shine bright tonight

no sun to light my world,

what used to be so close 

now lingers far away.

A dark ravine below 

a black abyss of pain,

a knife lodged in my back

as I slowly fade away.

Into the nothing

into the black,

the sun wont shine tonight

oh how I want it back.

Reviews

[Kayla_May]

i really like the flow of the poem and i feel like you are pulling thoughts out of my brain! lol ive thought lines like these.

Nice. I like the conflicts in your stanzas. It makes the whole thing bleed dark emotion. I can almost picture someone sitting there in the dark hunched with only a glint of light touching his/her eyes, breathing heavy and silent.

[Abhinav]

great poem.......had a depth to it....loved reading it....keep up the good work...looking foward to more by you.....ta!

[Undying Glory]

oh wow this is brilliant stuff. awesome

[Neil]

A remarkable cry of pain - I especially liked the way in which the real agony was addressed at the inevitable - the fact that the sun would not shine at night.
I am not so happy with the last line which seemed too obvious for me - if the poem had been ending on a note of hope then the first insertion of a rhyme might have worked. As it is the melancholy - what Basho called "sabi" which means literally "loneliness" but which includes that wider sense described by the previous reviewer - I think some more work could be done on that line. What I truly valued was the relationship between the writer and the world and how the view of external reality is coloured by the acute depression. the other comments above are personal nit-picking which this poem does not deserve but offered in admiration - it is well done indeed.

Neil

[Aimee Mahathy]

Wow, great poem!
I loved the smooth flow of the words. It almost mimicked the constant fall of rain and created a great atmosphere while reading!
The strongest beauty is in the melancholy. So Poe believed, and so I believe. And your poem here is very strong. It's so honest~
The final stanza has to be my favourite. Something about the last line just tied it all together so well~
Great job!

[FireFly15]

I love this. Wonderful job, You're very talented :]

[Fallacy Pharmacy]

Very dark, very mysterious, very deep. I really enjoyed reading this. Please don't stop writing!

[deeps]

This is one amazing write here. I really enjoyed this write. Flow is so wonderful.

[Lilly]

This is great - had my interest from the very start. Love the dark element to it - it flows great and there is some great imagery in there.
Well done here :)