My Inner Demon

I have no religious veiws so dont go rambling on bout god when you review please.

I can bath in the holy water

stand in the light of God,

follow in the steps of the diciples

and still end up in hell.

 

The demon in me is strong

controlling my every move,

killing those around me

till I have no one left to lose.

 

F*****g up my life

tearing my wrists apart,

smashing my hopes and dreams

until I'm six feet in my grave.

 

I had to feel cruel death

to see the meaning of life,

I had to hear the pain of many

to know I was the reason why.

 

My demon persists to hurt

to hurt the ones I love,

tearing them away from me

till I'm left stranded to live alone.

 

So I'll whisper to myself

and listen to the walls,

I'll live to die forever

for I am LivingDeath.

Author's Note

The story of my name.

Reviews

[Erin_is_peace]

this writing is very darn and a cry for help. very strong emotion within this peice.

[Blue tailed kite]

A great write, on a very interesting topic... our dark alter-ego... good job!

[Clouded in Hopeful Illu..]

"I can bath[e] in the holy water"

"The demon in me is strong
controlling my every move,
killing those around me
till I have no one left to lose.

My demon persists to hurt
to hurt the ones I love,
tearing them away from me
till I'm left stranded to live alone." --- I feel like these two stanzas pretty much say the same thing so it is redundant to have both of them. Maybe you can cut one or add on something to make the subject of one of them different.

Overall, I really like this poem. The flow is easy to read but the amount of intense emotion you get from it, is still present throughout; good job.

I'm wondering if the speaker has any connections to a religion. I know you said that you don't, but in the beginning it states that the main speaker has tried bathing in holy water. It would be interesting if you included whether or not the speaker is religious or has tried to become religious because of this demon of theirs. I hope that makes sense. That will also give your speaker a little more depth.

Great write.

[Ice Queen of the Vampir..]

Wow....intense and amazing. This piece is really something and I love it. Great visuals as well. Nice work!!!

Heather

[Kayla_May]

very intense but good job.

[Bhavya Kaushik]

This was nice, very thoughtful indeed.
Though I guess it needs a polishing..it is very much raw.
But overall, a great write, I enjoyed it!

[MoonlitAngel]

This is officially my favorite poem. This is... Wow. Wonderful, great, the best... I don't know what else to say. This is spectacular. Unimaginable. I absolutely LOVE this.

But... One itty bitty little tiny thing you might want to fix is the first stanza (sorry.. That kinda blew my whole 'I absolutely adore this poem' thing). I mean, I love it, and I love the way you phrased the words, but it kinda stopped on the last line in the first stanza. I mean.. It flowed, flowed, flowed, then bam. It kinda broke apart the rythm. I don't know why, and I don't know if anyone else reads it the same, but that's what it is to me.

But its still amazingly awesomely great. I swear. 100/100 rating all the way.

--Blood

[Yuvia Chairez]

"I can bath in the holy water
stand in the light of God,
follow in the steps of the disciples
and still end up in hell. "
-- I think that this is the essence core of this poem. This first verse is awesome in every sense of the word. It's strong, powerful and delivers such great emotion/imagery. Very good!! The rest is just fluff (not meaning to offend whatsoever, that's just what I think).

[deeps]

This is such a powerful write here. I think this is just plain amazing.

[r]

this is a sad but beautiful moment... i really like the way you described it... flows well... and over all a great poem.... keep up the great work