I Cry the Rain

I cry the rain that falls from skies

from tainted twisted messed up lies.

I have no heart to tear apart

you took it babe, you left your mark.

Now in bed, I drip blood red

from a bullet lodged in my head.

And now I say on this fateful day

never will I be okay.

So I cry the rain that falls from skies

from your tainted twisted messed up lies.

Author's Note

Please Review

Reviews

[Charles]

Great litle poem about a metaphorical experience (I hope the bullet isn't literal). The rhyming is perfect and meter is consistent except for one slip (omit the you in the 6th line and meter improves without losing anything in meaning). Notice that I don't find the number of feet is a problem from line to line (eg 10 in the 7th line but only 7 in the 8th line), but the rhythm seems disrupted by the 'you.' Good writing. :-)

[Rainey]

Woah.. that is deep stuff. Like you almost took it from your core. Excellent stuff. :)

[Aileen]

i like it. it shows how the poeple u love can hurt u the most and can b the one who messes u up. i kno how u feel

[DELETED]

Great Work Indeed.

[poetic-raven2012]

So deep and wonderful!
Perfect meter and rhyme; I really love this piece

[Bhavya Kaushik]

This was indeed very strong, short but so powerful and vivid.
The imagery in this piece is very striking.
Very well written

[*Evelen*]

Wow this is such a great poem. Much much pain and saddness in here. Very powerful as well. Heart break never does leave you okay, but you do learn from it. You rhyme so well. Very great job here =)

[Raven Radke]

I love this poem!
The best poem I have ever read before!! absolutely outstanding!!

[Lau]

I really like it! Powerful and so easy to relate to, great job!
"And to you I say on this fateful day, never will I be okay." - I especially like this part, the words and the composition makes it flow in a way that I just... Haven't got a word, but I really, really like it!

[Your-Guardian-Angel-Wis..]

...

[Chelsea.]

Sorry this took me so long to review :/
This is.. really good. Nicely portrayed feelings, - how sometimes an ended relationship can make you feel like you've lost everything and how life's lost its meaning. How lies ruin everything. I do have one little comment to make. I'm not sure if it would make it sound better or improve it in any way, but to me it sounds better with a comma after 'lodged'. Other than that Good Job. :) I also liked how you rhymed it (: