Sarah

In my creative writing class we had to start a story then pass it to five other people then when we got it back we had to edit the final story into something I was prourd to call my own. I dont know so much if im proud of this but it is alot better... The

            It was a cool crisp autumns evening as the glowing sunset floated along the glimmering horizon. The trees swaying in the gentle breeze as the deer prance along the open savanna.

It was Sarah’s first time on an African safari, the sight of the wild was more perpetual then she had ever dreamt of. Something her and her father had always wanted to do together, if only her father were here to experience this momentous occasionwith her, it would be more then he would have ever imagined. She reminisces about the days of her childhood when her and her father used to go to the petting zoo to see all the animals. They loved being around animals. It was her favorite time of the month when she could spend time with him.

Fourteen years have passed since then but she still cannot get him off her mind. Day by day he lingers there, torturing her in a certain way. She wishes he could be here today and walk with her across the savannah. It had been her dad’s most prominent aspiration to travel the world to see wildlife in its natural habitat. “And now I get to do that,” she thinks to herself “if only dad were here along side me.” She could hear her father’s voice echo in the back of her head as if he was standing right beside her. “Honey? Could you take a picture of me with the rhino in the distance?” He would say it with a warming smile on his face. And the camera took the shot capturing the memory of that day long ago.

There wasn’t a day that went by that she didn’t think of him. Every time she thought of that cold night when she heard the news of her father’s death she would break down into tears. A brutal death on what seemed like a perfect day. He had been running with his horses through the open field, the wind in his hair, and a smile on his face but then he tripped over a lone stump and was unable to get back up in time and was trampled by the horses.

She still has nightmares every night; she can hear her father’s screams. The pain in his voice, and the look in his eyes, breaks her heart to bits. She blames herself for her father’s death. How she couldn’t have been there to help him, to save him, to say goodbye. She blames herself for all of it.

Shaking her head to clear the memory; she puts a smile on her face. With an outreached hand she asks her fiancé for the camera. John had known about her nightmares since the day they met, but committed himself to her regardless. He felt it was his obligation to help her through the pain and the heart ache because he could only imagine what it would be like to lose a father at that young of age

At that moment he noticed something moving at her feet. Once he noticed what it finally was he went weak at the knees. “Um… Sarah… Don’t look down,” he says in a concerned voice. Curiously she replies “What is it John?” “Just don’t look down and you’ll be alright,” he says this time more ecstatically in hopes to calm her down a bit. “John,” she says “I know there is a snake at my feet and I’m scared.” Her back tenses up like someone had tied a board to her as she feels something along the side of her foot. She maintains eye contact with John while he looks down to see the snake slithering along between her legs. Swatting at it, it does not back away. Getting closer and closer the snake lunges at John. Fangs dug into his arm. “OH MY F**K!!!” He screams at the top of his lungs. Turning he grabs a rock from the ground and smashes it over the snakes head.

Instantly she bursts into tears. “JOHN!! You killed it,” she says in a confused voice. “Yeah I’m fine hun, don’t worry bout me,” he says angrily. “But you killed it… You didn’t have to do that,” she says still in a state of shock. “I’m sorry, next time a snake bites me I’ll ask it nicely to let go,” he says sarcastically. “You know what never mind, let’s forget about it and just enjoy the rest of our trip,” she says in a soft voice. “Alright.” And with that the two of them walk across the savanna into the falling sun.

Author's Note

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Reviews

[LivingDeath]

The ending sucks i just had to use it because those were the ideas the other people had or else i would have made it longer and better.

[Theresa]

I actually think it is a great start to a story it just seems to end abruptly. The last paragraph didn't seem to mold with the rest of the story. I feel like if there was more of a reasoning behind why she was so concerned with the death of the snake then it would fit better. As I was reading it I thought that she would have flashbacks to her fathers death, or have the thought of losing another person she loved to an animal. Other then that I think it starts off wonderfully it just needs some work on the ending. However considering it was a story that got passed on to five other people I think it turned out rather well.