I Think I'll Miss You

My mother and I had fought with anger.

Yelled at each other, I said I hated her.

I stormed out of the house,

I ran to my car.

What a huge mistake, I didn't get far.

If I could take it back,

I'm not sure I would.

I think about death more often than I should.

We faught constantly.

I needed to get away.

I'm just not sure if this was the right way.

I look at mother from this view.

She doesn't seem torn.

Not even a bit worn.

I ask myself if you were selfish.

I told myself you didn't care.

But I knew you did, I let myself get lost in your stare.

The look told me things about you,

You didn't handle things very well,

And you probably thought I was going to hell.

You looked worried but not sad.

You made me pity you,

I knew what I was thinking was untrue.

Despite what my mind says, mother,

You loved me and I loved you.

I will miss you, I think this is true.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[Chelsea.]

I liked this one.
I can deffinately relate.
To how you say things and wish you could take them back, and just when you think you hate someone you realize you could never HATE them.
Nice job.

[Jean]

This was good. :) Powerful piece. Though the subject of your poem was a bit of a let down.

I was confused by your diction at first because you said "You made me peak" and "You never came". These both have... sexual connotations in them, but then you said "Mother" and I was like Oh, nevermind.. I really liked the irony and symbolism in those two phrases though it was obviously unintentional and I was disappointed to discover that I was incorrect in their meaning. :|

Also, the subject you chose to do is a difficult one, because none of us have actually personally gone through with suicide (because otherwise we would be dead) and we don't know how it would feel to have committed that ultimate sacrifice. However I'm not sure that you portrayed it quite right. Your whole poem is more or less a rebellion against the speaker's mother, which in itself completely contradicts the whole piece. If the speaker was truly so rebellious, which from what she says she must be, she WOULDN'T have committed suicide. The speaker seems to feel that suicide would be a sort of revenge against her mother, to make her pay for screaming at her, etc. But if the mother and daughter's relationship wasn't a good one in the first place, what kind of revenge is that? Also you say things in your poem like "Its your fault" you made me do it, etc. which again is contradicting, because the speaker is rebelling against her mother, yet she is letting her mother control her actions, and control how she decides her life's outcome. Consider that there normally isn't one reason to committing suicide, its usually a whole bunch of overwhelming things. Though I'm just giving you some things to consider when editing.

Like I said, suicide is difficult to write about, because we have not personally committed it. The closest you can really get is thinking about it or attempting, but none of us has actually felt how it feels to complete the action. I tried writing a suicide related piece myself a while ago and my writing teacher gave me criticism on it similar to what I'm telling you. He said that it was obvious that I had never been through it myself. Which I hadn't, but I saw what he meant. Because of the fact that I hadn't been through it was lessening the belief that my speaker had, and it hurt the impact of the poem.

When writing things that we haven't been through personally, as writers we have to completely put ourselves in the shoes of the person we're in. If you decide edit this piece, really think of the things that happened that lead up to it, how it made the speaker feel, and what the speaker intends to say in the poem.

I hope this helps, though as I read it over it seems a bit confusing to me. I hope you see what I mean. Mail me if you need any explanation, or more reviews! :)

Jean