Insomnia Beats

Must bleed - obligation
Wash your teeth, spit the
sun-coloured liquid
Triggering corruption - flush and hide
So typical routine on a daily basis

Smiles for free while unnoticed
the moaning noise
suddenly cracks

Silence is my servant when
Bones and flesh sleep foetus-like
Conscience takes me deep down and I see
Mirrors to muscles and bones, relics

What's your name, am I
called Fear - no answer; no direction
Words are strong enough to make us free

Strange like a rare deficience
Repulsive true taboos
Have to change, change, change
Chain and poison all around
Try to escape - eternity

Weddings and morgues
Scentless, white, sterilized and so serene -
Sweet ethanol all around
And flowers - "God bless you!"

Insomnia beats, music is magic
It saved me from the other me
Insomnia beats, love is tragic
It stole the light from the sun
To burn our souls -
Passive passion

________________
Impressive, Impressive.

Mar 16, 2011

• Ghosts and Mirrors
• Insomnia Beats

All Around Best (0.6%)

Apr 25, 2011

• Your Best Poetry
• Insomnia Beats

Reviews

[Miss Coral]

Really interesting piece; your style is definitely intriguing. You have a nice vocabulary in some parts though in others I think that you could probably use words that create a more consistent tone and lend to the emotion rather than just being factually accurate.
I love the imagery you've created here, especially in phrases like "sun-coloured liquid" because they trigger so many connotations and emotions in little words that really helps along the poem.

I'd say that my main two problems with this (not problems, persay, but things I think could be improved) were the flow and punctuation.
The flow of this piece is extremely shaky. It needs to pour out into the reader's mind, and there were so many phrases that sounded odd when pulled together that it just didn't work. I think that one big thing you could to help this is what I'm going to talk about in my next point.
Your punctuation is confusing here. First of all, there's a major lack of punctuation marks within the actual text, which I would strongly suggest adding for rhythm's sake, but the capitalization. I don't know if you had reason for capitalizing this in the manner that you did, but I found the erratic-ness and inconsistency really distracting.

Aside from those things, great piece. Definitely rich. Lemme know if you have any questions or anything. c:

[Karina Longo]

The last verse is one of the my favourite things I've ever written. I'm glad it was appreciated at the point of going to someone's favourites.

[Rose Masen]

Just one statement about this piece...

Going. Into. My. Favorites.

[SpokenWord]

I often suffer from Insomnia and it does have a major affect on me the next day. I like how you said "smiles for free while unnoticed" because smiles are free and people either hold them back or never notice them at all. Your work is always so descriptive and rich with multiple meanings. Excellent write.

[Greg Skura]

Great imagery you have created here! I love the last stanza.