Plug Sockets

A poem about a subject I'm rather passionate about.

Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.

This relentless beeping, in my head
It won't stop, it keeps me awake at night
As I lay here, unable to move
Scarcely unable to breathe

I feel your return, day after day
You must look older by now, my dear
I know there's sorrow on your sweet, sweet face
You take my hand and stroke my ancient cheek

I took you, sixty-five years ago, as my wife
My dear, you aren't my nurse
You talk to me, tell me of the old days
You think I can't hear you... but I can

My mind drifts back to when I was six
Poor Max, he was my best friend
My father took him to the vets, and the old boy never came home
I didn't understand

I do now.
I am that dog.
And you are me,
My sweet dear

I love you
I love you, I do
But I simply can't keep on like this
I can't keep on, not for you, or me

It will be easier for you

I'm not saying it won't be hard

But you sound so, so tired

Tired of me, tired of caring for me

I am left here, wired to this machine

It brings me life, it keeps me alive

But it does not let me live

I am not living

I am unable to hold you in my arms

I am unable to return your love

I am unable to look after you in return

I am unable to smile, to let you see my gratitude

I cannot even go to the toilet

I am fed through a tube

I have not moved in over six months

All I can hear is the-

Beep

Beep

Beep

Beep

-and your sweet voice when you visit

When people come

They talk in hushed, quiet tones

As if I am the dead

But sadly, I am not

Please, my dear

I know I am being selfish

I do not want you to be without me

But, you're not with me anyway

You are with a husk

I can hear the tears in your voice

I know you're there, but I'm unable to reply

To comfort you

I cannot even pat your hand

I cannot move

I cannot see

I am mute

I am barely conscious

Sometimes, I am able to hear my breathing

If you could call it that

Raspy whispers of air that go nowhere

Max used to be my best friend

My father didn't want him to suffer

Or to make me suffer by watching his pain

So he took him away

That caused suffering for me

But it was short-lived

Compared to how it could have been

Compared to your suffering

It must be hard for you

To see me here, like this

And then to go home

Wishing you could feel my embrace

If I was not here, at all

You could rest, and relax easy

Because I will be watching over you

And you will not be tortured by my near-living

As I will be in a solid state, at last.

Beep

Beep

Beep

Beep

I am so, so tired

I am tired of being a husk

I am so sorry, my darling

Do not think me selfish for my wish

But please

I am so, so tired of being suspended near death

The doctors know I will never get better

Why are you dragging out our mutual pain?

I know you want to keep me close

But I will be closer when I am free again

Is it so bad, that I want you to do this?

I love you, I love you, I do

I want this not for me

But for you

It may be hard to see it that way

But I am just too tired

I am sorry, my dear

I may have lied

It is for me

But I'm scared

I'm scared and tired of my existence

Laying, paralyzed

I embrace that which people fear the most

Or I would, if my arms could move

I am so, so tired

Please, end our suffering

If my father could have ended Max's

Then I want you to end mine

I am sorry

I miss you

I'll wait for you, I promise

But please do this for me

Pull the plug out.

Author's Note

I think that this could have been so much better, so I may redo it sometime. I understand that this is a controversial subject, and I encourage healthy debate, but please keep comments civil if you disagree with the theme.

Reviews

[The Old Ashes]

I was thinking of my dad this whole time...
He has had two strokes.
No, this is not how he is now..
but how he should be.
He's quite a medical miracle that he has been able to learn how to walk, talk, write, sit, stand, eat, act like a normal person now.. you wouldn't guess there was something wrong with him unless you were told.
This poem just made me thankful that he made it through so well... this is how he COULD be... should be.
As he lay in bed after his first stroke, he couldn't speak. He could hear and understand, but he couldn't speak. He'd try, all that would come out was noises...
I too have had my fair share of health encounters including a brain injury.
This poem touched me deeply.

aside from all that,
I think you portrayed the emotion well and as I said, it hit right in the heart.
However, I think perhaps it went on just a little to long and noticed some parts that seemed to be a little.. repetitive. Not exactly, but just a little.
None the less, I read it all and I think it was very beautiful work.
100/100

-Ashes

[Tommy]

My family just buried my Aunt this Saturday. She had been suffering from Alzeimer's Disease. I can plainly see her hooked up to the oxygen machine, which kept her breathing, while her body starved its self to death; because she had lost the ability to eat. I sat there a part of me thinking this is cruel; to let someone starve to death. What a bad way to go. Would it not be more humane to release her in the same way the dog in your story was freed from its pain. It took her four days to succumb. Hospice did pump her full of morphine, which numbed her from life, until she slipped into a peaceful sleep to never wake up again. However, I would rather be coherent enough to say my last goodbyes, before I left this world . In the end I would like to be given the simple shot to end my life; then I could say goodbye and have the ones I love send me to my maker in a loving way. I know that saying good bye is not always possible, so what better gift than this. This is just me, how I feel, but I know most feel different, because it is illegal to help in medical assisted suicides. I don't know!
I liked this piece; it was read at a time in my life when I could truly relate, which may have gave it an all too real meaning for me, but great work.
RLG,
Tommy