Lessons

I asked for help, and I got it. 

That's what Lucius told me to do when I told him I felt like I was in a state of limbo. A sort of inbetween that left me unsure and stagnant. So I did. I asked for help sincerely, and lo, it came. But not in the way I thought it would, nor addressing the problem I had in mind.

It started on Wednesday morning. I had a violin lesson with Lucius, and mom had left her cell phone home for me. I told myself I'd leave promptly at 9.40, to ensure I'd get there on time. I spent some time listening to my iPod and the moment the song ended, it was 9.40. But I thought, I can take a little more, listen to one more song. 

As I left the house I briefly thought about getting mom's cellphone, but thought, no, it's only to Lucius' studio. It's not that far. 

Well, I'm not much of a driver. I tried to pass a car and, too late, I realized that they were trying to help me by slowing down... but I wanted them to speed up, and didn't realize that that's how normal drivers let people in until two minutes later. I doubled back, and then followed a car that was merging. Too late, I didn't notice this big white-silver SUV that was flying... I deserved the horn blowing I received.

I was flustered at this point, and lost, so I decided to just follow the car in front of me, only to realize too late they were on their way to the interstate, which I'd never navigated before. I stop at a BP gas station and had to borrow a phone, because I didn't bring mine...

I managed to make it back okay, with only fifteen minutes left to class. And Lucius was very kind, very sympathetic, even though it was such a minor thing. At least, I'm sure, to everyone else. I don't have much road experience, so even though I'm nineteen, it was very frightening... 

But he told me, though these are not his precise words, "Rose, all roads are spiritual endeavors. And you have to remember to go all the way through with things. Think hard before you make a decision, because they're all important, and they really matter. But once you start and put your hands on the plough, don't look back, because the plough will stray off the road. Look forward into the distance, at one point, and continue until you're done." 

And it was a good lesson, and it was the one I followed as I finally made my way to Lucius' studio. I knew I could go home, but that would be giving up, and I promised him I would come. But it's a very good lesson. I can't choose to believe in god and then get lazy and go back to the way I was before. That is, to say, self-centered and in a daze of thoughts and daydreams. It's not really living, and it's nice to be aware of the things around you. It's like waking up. 

I believe that this new nanny business I have with Dr. Khan is also a lesson. I don't particularly want to take care of these babies every night. Even if it is not for very long. But, it will be good for me, and I will make my own money and learn to handle children. The newsletter, perhaps, also falls in this jurisdiction. 

I think that this is a crash course in growing up, being mature, steadfast, and responsible. I think I'll need it, and this is why they're presenting it to me. So, I guess, thank you. It was very scary, but thank you. I'll try my best. 

Reviews

[Little Lotus]

I don't know if I grew form helping Dr. Khan's children. I think I did. I became a more capable person. But what I got that what easily revealed to me was money... and my mother's suggestion. She said to me, 'Why don't you backpack Europe with your money?'

And it blew me away, because I hadn't thought of it. It never crossed my mind. And then I thought, why not? Of course, it'll take more than a year of saving. I got money from her, and some from Mary Ann [for what scarcely can be called babysitting], but there's still a long, long ways to go. But exciting, isn't it? All this money, and I had no intention of using it. All that potential, and I never thought big enough.

I began to really explore my options yesterday, and I've decided to began in Germany or Denmark. Work my way around to Belgium, hit a lit of the French countryside, Switzerland [Zurich] and into Italy. There I can use the timeshare in a beautiful, beautiful place. I could split, it as well, and then use the other half on Kos Island in Greece... there are so many options. So many things I can do. I never thought big enough. It's okay to be bound by reality, but why not dream? Why not endeavor to turn dream to reality? My mother has always had that ability. Soon, I will too.