Desparation

The cold wind carries a message

long lost among the shuffling of leaves.

I'm used to the sky without stars and

the wide, uninviting streets.

 

I don't like the cold.

It's omnipresent, even as I lay in my bed,

facing away your empty side. Everything I

set my eyes upon is scarred with your touch.

 

How can I face a new, bright morning

without your head buried in my neck,

without your scent invading my senses?

 

How can I will myself to go on when

I have nowhere to return,

like a battered old boat to its dock?

Reviews

[adoptadope56]

You have done an amazing job!

[Audrey Howitt]

Beautiful sense of the flow of the line--lovely, lovely work!

An excellent well written poem. The structure is good, and the words even more. I felt the loss, and all the uncertainty that poem brought with it, good work!!!

[A Writer's Curse]

Very powerful. I absolutely love the line 'I'm used to the sky without stars and the wide, uninviting streets' - it just depicts your message so beautifully, yet sombrely.

[Wolfwind]

We endure, one night at a time. The feelings that you bring across are universal after any type of separation. I know I don't like the cold, it's a dark and lonely place. While we all have shadows from the past that chill our spirit and anchor us to a particular time in our lives. I have come to realize that the best course is to continue walking forward, even if we are holding onto hope of a return.

Wonderful Ink!
Aaron

[screamin'ian]

Absolutely beautiful. You convey this desperate emotion, this longing, with eloquence. Vivid imagery takes me right there.

[Seshat Nidaba]

Your phrasing is just oustanding, every line glistens with real poetic quality, it's just so measured by the golden mean, I am not surprised I consistently rate you so high in the tournament.

You possessed the balance of a measured writer, the metre of all that is poetic and fine. I wish you a peaceful weekend.