What's he thinking?

Disappointment in Romance

I couldn't stand the wait any longer.  Yesterday we had been in the middle of an email conversation when he suddenly stopped replying.  He was at work so I figured maybe the phone rang or someone walked into his office.  He never did reply though.  I waited until 9pm before sending, "Busy night?"  I was trying to be non-chalant.  I didn't want him to know how upset I was by his lack of reply. 

 

Now it was almost 2pm the next day and still not a word from him.  Not a word from the guy who usually sends me an email at 7:30am.  Not a word from the man who I routinely exchange 50 emails a day with, depending on how many times work disrupts our conversations.  I'd been thinking all day what my next email should say.  I couldn't say how I really felt.  He'd see me as clingy and no man wants a clingy woman.  I didn't want to convey my slight hysteria.  I didn't want him to know how much I was hurting.  Finally I decided to send, "Quiet today." 

 

Almost immediately I got a reply,  "Ya, need to get a few things done before I leave here... at 2."  I looked at the time in the lower right hand corner of my laptop.  1:54pm  I closed my eyes as I feel the verbal slap across my face.  How had we gone from a conversation the day before about seeing each other more often, to this comment 24 hours later? 

 

Of course my brain filled in all the words he didn't say: I don't have time for you.  Leave me alone.  You're not a priority.  You're not important.  You're what I do when I have extra time, am bored, and there's nothing good on TV.  Yes, I understood his message exactly, and I still wanted him.  To overcome that idiocy, I gave the computer the finger and whisper, "F* you," under my breath.  I felt better for about five seconds.  Now, what?

Reviews

[Samuel Dickens]

My courting days ended long before the age of computers, but still, I related to this and understood your pain and frustration. The guy should have had the guts and decency to end the relationship in person, and not take the chicken's way out. In my view, he probably wasn't what you needed, anyhow. Your writing is excellent.