Doug's Refusal

Doug Trace has turned down a church calling, and must face a disciplinary meeting.

Six men in shirt and tie sat around a long table in the conference room in the priesthood wing of the local church precinct. Most of the time, this was just a normal meeting room, a place for Sunday School classes and ward planning meetings. It was a very clean room, with russet colored floor tiles, beige walls, oak trimmed doors and a wood-grain formica table. Today, it was a tribunal. Doug had never thought he'd be the one sitting in the hot seat, facing the elders. But there he was, and for a moment he felt like laughing.

"Elder Trace," the high councilman intoned, "You are being called here because of a serious concern. Do you know what it is?"

Doug felt the the skin of his back sweating. He said, "I do."

"What is that reason?" 

"I turned down a Church calling to supervise the cannery of the welfare farm." He said it simply and clearly so the councilmen would know he still stood his ground.

"This is a serious matter--refusing God's calling, as we are ordained to pass down to you." 

"I understand that," Doug stated. 

"You can still change your mind," the second-in-command said, more light in tone. He had been Doug's Boy Scout leader for many years, and the other men on the council had been Sunday School teachers and priesthood quorum guides, all of his life. Only the high councilman doing the grilling was a stranger. 

"I know," Doug said. He recognized a couple of these men from other walks of life. Here at the Church Council, they were supposed to represent only the Church. But Doug knew instantly that they would not forget Doug's refusal outside of this office, and that he might be losing business opportunities, catering jobs, and social standing, by his refusal to cooperate.

"It is a grave offense to the Lord to say no to His callings. We have in place disciplinary measures," the high councilman started in. 

Doug started to feel his sweat grow cold. His resolve began to waver. He pictured a wedge of molded cherry gelatin on a plate being shaken until its form broke down, when he'd played with his food as a kid. Doug felt this might happen to his courage, and then he'd wind up in the worst Church assignments he could imagine. 

The second councilman said, "You should enjoy that position, working with food." 

Doug's resolve came back and he stood up from his chair. "That's different. I will not take that church position."

"Would you mind telling us why?"

Worked up into an angry, defensive state, Doug was shaking. "Well, being a supervisor in a vegetable cannery, where I would never actually touch food, full-time for at least a year, does not align with my life goals. I hate it, and I won't do it." 

"Please sit down, Elder Trace." 

"No, I will not."

"We have no choice but to put you on Church Probation for six months. This is going to go on your record," said the council leader, leaning back, done.

Doug's stomach felt punched. "Okay, fine." He pushed the chair hard, so the edge banged into the table. "You put people in difficult positions. I have plans that I have to work out right now, and you don't even care..." He started backing toward the heavy wooden door, then turned and opened it. 

"We do care," the second one said, but he quickly stopped talking. And anyway, Doug was halfway down the hall, ripping his tie off and unbuttoning his collar. But when he got outside, untucking his shirt tail, he felt the sun and the wind across the parking lot, and he took in a deep breath for the first time in what seemed like hours. Soon I'll be out of this place, he thought. I'll be doing what I want, and I can't wait, and now the big deal is out of my way. Very soon, I will be in New York, cooking. He prayed to Heavenly Father that it might be so.

Reviews

[M.R Steiner]

you managed to set a scene well, the interactions and the central motivations come clear and true. I found myself getting more interested as the event unfolded but I feel the initial ending was a bit abrupt, not in terms of ending the scene as that is a logical place, more the way that Doug leaves and the only sense we get is relief (maybe elaborate more on his plans with this new found freedom in this chapter to keep interest, nothing specific, just a bit more of a hint )

a problem for me was some of the modifiers for your tags e.g ( the second one said faintly) in my personal opinion the last bit is a little jarring and may be best to leave it to the imagination.

please keep in mind I'm still learning and this is all just personal opinion. I guess your up here because you want feedback. just like me :)

still better than my stuff :D so your in relatively good shape, bet this will be awesome in your newer drafts

[KWP]

This piece raises a few questions for me. Why does Doug have to do what the church people want? What are his bigger plans? Why is he so nervous at the start and then once he asserts himself to these people he seems filled with a quick burst of courage?

I this you have set the scene well, could perhaps have had a bit more description to give the reader a sense of place. I would have to agree woth M.R's review, it seemed a bit of a fast-tracked ending here. One minute they are talking, next bam he's off.

Be careful of using cliche's (Spanish Inquisition) - use your own words, much better!

This piece is easy to read and certainly draws you in wanting to know more about Doug, as well as why the churk folk are so damn strict.