Summertime Goodbyes

This summer was special.  Special, like a secret. Special like a smile you share with only yourself.  Special like a glass of sweet tea on a day with nothing but heat, heat for miles and miles. Special - but maybe a little bit like a goodbye.  A last hurrah. I think we knew, the three of us. We knew, someway, somehow, that we shared something. Something that maybe doesn’t come along very often.  Something that maybe we were all a little lucky to have stumbled into. And maybe we knew, even from the beginning, that we were on borrowed time. Life goes on, and so must we.  When I think back on the summer, those long, sluggish days that slipped through my fingers one after another, piling up until there was nothing left but a whole lot of memories, I realize that I can’t do it justice in my head, not really.  I can’t really remember all the crazy laughs and shared smiles, nor what we were even laughing about half of the time. I can’t remember a lot of the words that were thrown across the shiny table top of that worn vinyl booth in that long forgotten corner of Simone’s.  Can’t remember what Max had said that was so inexplicably funny in that moment that I choked on my too big bite of cinnamon churro. But I can remember some things. I can remember the feelings. And isn’t it the way you feel about something, rather than the something that happened, that really matters when all else is said and done? I think so.  

I hope so.

A sunshiny day in the city

“He really thinks he’s something else, doesn’t he?” Kat drawls, faux agitation littering her husky voice.  I just laugh, perched precariously on a half broken milkcrate under the disheveled striped awning outside of the Black Spade.  The rundown club was the only half decent place to go for a good time in the restless city, and the only source of good shade for a few blocks at least.  Apparently, the ancient club was good for several things. Not good at discarding of the broken milk crates below their sorry awning, however. Even broken milk crates served as excellent seats for viewing smirking street drummers who thought pretty highly of themselves.  

Max definitely thought that he was all that.  But in many ways, he was. Kat wouldn’t admit it in a million years, but Max was pretty great, even for the city.  An actual crowd had already gathered around his makeshift drum set, bobbing their heads and tapping their feet against the dusty street in time to the music.  They were united under the blanket of rhythm, beats pounding down to the very center of the earth, capturing every heart and soul on the busy street. The carefree song was amazing, and it flowed from the hands of my childhood friend.  Even Kat was smiling now, ever so slightly, her knee bouncing to the music from where she sat on another rickety crate opposing mine. Her sandy blond hair fell loosely over her damp forehead, clinging to her flushed cheeks.

The heat was a tangible thing that day, as was the music.  A relentless kind of sunshine pouring down on all of us, pinning us to the ground where our scuffed sneakers were planted.  

“He’s amazing.” I say finally, my voice quiet in the shade of the Black Spade’s awning.  As if I don’t dare speak louder for fear of shattering the spell that was the rhythm of the city.  

Kat just turned her head slightly to the side, trying fruitlessly to conceal the wide smile that spread slyly across her face.  She was in love with him, I think. She had been in love with him for years. And I was okay with it. They were my two dearest friends in the world, and If she wanted to be hopelessly in love, who was I to stop her? I loved him too, as he loved me -b ut it was different, from day one.  

“He’s okay.” she concedes after a prolonged moment of watching him, that light shimmering in her green eyes that only seemed to exist when he was around.   

With a final beat of the plastic bucket before him, Max stood slowly, a sluggish smile of triumph already creeping across his boyish face.  He looked so young, when he smiled like that. It always brought me back, way back to when we were all just kids, stretched out across one porch or another, laughing at nothing and everything at once.  We hadn't changed much, not really.

As he loped over leisurely from where his admiring fans were departing, Kat and I both stood from our makeshift seats, eager to stretch our restless legs.  Max was beaming, for lack of better word, absolutely glowing from the thrill of the moment. He loved street drumming, in the kind of way that I always thought it was impossible to love something - In the way that I always wished I could love something. I wonder for the briefest moment if he loves Kat the same way.  

“Tacos at Simone’s?” Max asks expectantly as he makes his way over to us, his long limbs lazy and languid as he walks.  

“Obviously” I say before the words even finish leaving his mouth.  Simone’s was our little tradition, home of the best mexican cuisine in the city.  If anything, the mere existence of Simone’s was enough to keep our little band together, no matter what insignificant thing we fought about.  It was our place, a refuge of sorts.

Kat just nods along, making her way over to Max to drape a casual arm around his waist.  He leans into her briefly before mozying over to where his rusty sudan is parked in the alley nearby, that familiar smile still fixed on his face.  The music from the drums was gone, but the music never stopped in the city, not really. Even as we drove away, the three of us singing along to the radio, the music continued.  It continues every sunshiny day, a rhythm of love and life, never stopping, never relenting. The city was music, and the music was embedded in my soul.

Simone’s closed its doors as the lazy summer days drifted to the end. We didn’t talk about it much, but I suspected that it was going to be a long while before we shared our smiles and stories in that forgotten corner booth.

Max vanished one dreary morning, gone to work on his uncles boat.  Only days after he kissed me under that stupid, dilapidated awning of the Black Spade, Kat away visiting her grandmother in the country for the weekend. When I looked at him after, he was grinning that boyish grin of his, not a single trace of sorry on his familiar face.  I wished he could take it back - rewind the moment till we were just two friends again, hearts beating to the rhythm of the city. But Max just smiled ruefully, and told me goodbye. And not the kind of goodbye that meant ‘see you tomorrow’, or ‘sorry I just sabotaged our friendship by crossing an unspoken line’.  No, it was goodbye, and some goodbyes are for good. I hope that there’s a bucket lying around on that boat somewhere, if only so his music doesn’t get lost at sea for good.

Kat went to college in a different city, too far away.  When she left, she didn’t say goodbye. I figured that what happened between us would pass, fade away over a heartfelt apology and a really good churro, but I suppose those things never truly go to rest.  Her heart was broken, and she had no comforting words to soothe my guilty soul. I doubted that the music lived on in her new city, like a thundering heartbeat each sunshiny day. But Kat wouldn’t mind at all if it didn’t.  I’m not entirely sure if she ever heard the music anyway.

The music in the city goes on, a rhythm of life and love, hatred and sorrow, jealousy and broken hearts.  I don’t think it will ever cease to exist, no matter how many tears are shed, nor smiles smiled. These things only fuel the neverending song, contributing new melodies, new beats of the drum.  This summer was special. But all things come to an end, no matter how hard we try to hold on to them. Friendships shatter. Worn vinyl booths are forgotten for good. Goodbyes are said. Or sometimes they’re not said, and that might be okay.  

Not everybody gets a happy ending.  But when I look back on those lazy summer days that stretched on before us like an unwritten story, I smile.  Because it was special, to the very end.  It happened, and sometimes that’s enough.  

Author's Note

I'm not really sure what to think of this story, but I would love to get some feedback!!