A Letter to Myself

This is a letter to myself to talk to my other self. Bi-polar disorder has many effects on a person, and some people choose to go along with it and let it envelop them. I choose to stand and fight!

Dear Other Me,

I know that in my heart and GOD's eyes that I'm much better than you.
I know in my head that I'm much smarter than you.
I know in my body that I'm much stronger than you.
I am not the labels you put on me.
I am not the lesser person that you make me feel like.
I want to live and be successful and make my children and family proud of me.
You cannot defeat me because I know who you really are.
You are my darkest corners, my deepest fears and my pent up emotions.
You are the person that I want to scream at for driving slow in the high speed lane.

Ahhh, but you wouldn't you get greater satisfaction out of my angry side...or maybe if I just pushed them off the road....

I will just switch lanes because you no longer will control me.
I will not yell at people anymore because you no longer control me.
I am going to be me and you need to get away from me.
You have caused me enough pain in my life, and I've had all I can take of you.
Because I'm smarter I UNDERSTAND you and can think around you.
Because I'm better I can just surround you with the love that you don't want me to have.
Because I'm stronger I can knock you down with the force of ten gods.
Get out of me and away from me.
Stop dwelling inside me like a succubus for everything bad in my life.
You kick me when I'm down, and now that I'm standing I'm doing to do the kicking.
You should know that I loved playing soccer as a kid...but you deterred that as well.

I am not the monster you created and I am not your puppet anymore.
I want my family back and my loved ones to love ME.
The way they loved me when I was younger and you weren't a part of me.
I want my mom to smile and say she's proud of me.
I want my dad to put his hand on my shoulder and say "Good job son."
These are things I will NEVER accomplish with YOU in my life.
Get the hell out and don't come back.
The anger I have inside that you feed off of I am going to turn against you.
I will defeat you without a doubt, because I'm better, smarter and stronger than you!
The hate that you create in me I will turn on you and make that hate end you once and for all!

Author's Note

I know it doesn't rhyme or even have any sort of beat. It's my lashing out at the disease that is inside of me. Worse than cancer because it won't kill me, and worse than a flu or cold because no medicine will completely rid me of being what I am. I am bi-polar.