Take A Breath

My first attempt @ a poem.

Drips down your neck like hard water

Piercing with diamonds suspended in wintry cold

Shoulders, ears, scalp raise as if magnetized by unseen

Blood pelts intracranial bones with pressures and pins

Nerves inflame like smoking gunfire, careening into spaces and synapses

As recognition irradiates suspicion and uncertainty

A veil of purpose surrounds the enlightened remains

An exchange ensues.

The crusade begins without theory or assessment

Rationality of millennia burns away, entrust with a primitive certainty

Born to conquer what abstract musings set to tear down

Rumination fleeting

Take a breath.

 

Reviews

[Markymark]

Lindsay,

It is always better to take a breath. That breath can restore us into something recognizable. I disagree with the previous reviewer. I think your piece has depth and great insight. It is a bit abstract at times, but you were going for that anyway...right. I can't wait to see you evolve, if this was your first piece, we are in for some good reading.

Kudos,

SUK

[Nyida Strong]

I think you have potential, but I think you may have over done it as far as the metaphor goes. Too much of a good thing can be a bad thing. Try not to "think like a poet". Most of the greats are known for touching the heart with simple text, not flowers. Keep trying.

N. Strong