Hey, just though I would take a look at some more of your stuff. I really like your imagery and the thought behind your writing. You write very much in a prose style that's reads almost like a paragraph. In my opinion, if you want to grow as a poet, and get published someday, you should try exprimenting with a less straightforward style. Don't let the reader know what you are going to say well before you say it. One thing i use to do is take a poem I was not happy with (one in a prose style) and rearrange all the major or key words until I got something with a completely different feel and texture to it. My professor in college drilled this exercise into my head and trust me it really works. Once you get into the habit of wrting that way, you almost begin to "think" in poetry instead of prose. I've given you a little example with one of your poems, but pick another one that youl like and try to do something similar Regardless, you are very imaginative and I hope to be reading your published works some day. God luck and keep writing.
Better
The view of saviors has fallen away-
In sinking dismay,
Devoid of life and luster,
Lacking the air to thrive.
The withering kiss of demons
Festers far too easily.
The mind begs for meaning,
For relevant meaning of darkness
Feeding on a world deprived of souls:
A crooked land with crooked eyes,
Eyes feeding on death's bland land,
Like demons partaking of the core of life-
A darkness kept at bay only by the color
And the luster
Of what might have been.
Hey, just though I would take a look at some more of your stuff. I really like your imagery and the thought behind your writing. You write very much in a prose style that's reads almost like a paragraph. In my opinion, if you want to grow as a poet, and get published someday, you should try exprimenting with a less straightforward style. Don't let the reader know what you are going to say well before you say it. One thing i use to do is take a poem I was not happy with (one in a prose style) and rearrange all the major or key words until I got something with a completely different feel and texture to it. My professor in college drilled this exercise into my head and trust me it really works. Once you get into the habit of wrting that way, you almost begin to "think" in poetry instead of prose. I've given you a little example with one of your poems, but pick another one that youl like and try to do something similar Regardless, you are very imaginative and I hope to be reading your published works some day. God luck and keep writing.
Better
The view of saviors has fallen away-
In sinking dismay,
Devoid of life and luster,
Lacking the air to thrive.
The withering kiss of demons
Festers far too easily.
The mind begs for meaning,
For relevant meaning of darkness
Feeding on a world deprived of souls:
A crooked land with crooked eyes,
Eyes feeding on death's bland land,
Like demons partaking of the core of life-
A darkness kept at bay only by the color
And the luster
Of what might have been.
The Facts
My name is Avoiry. I like to do a lot of things but we don't need to get into that. I'm a closet cynic , a pro pretender, a verbal arms dealer, and a false eye lash applicator in training. .. more..
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