Holdintown

Holdintown is cursed with ugliness. When a young girl asks her father to fulfill a promise her deceased mother made to her, they take a trip that will change their outlook on beauty.

“Now remember, children, that being born with a hideous face is a gift, not a curse,” Ms. Ludlow said to her third grade class as the bell rang.

I remember that speech. I’d heard it many times. Each child bustled out with their dull brown backpacks and into the sunny day. My daughter, Mona, was last out. She looked a little down-hearted and even tried to sneak past me in the hallway, taking a sharp turn around the corner. I followed her with long strides and found her leaning against the wall just outside the school doors. I kneeled in front of her.

“What’s wrong?”

She dropped her head closer to her chest and mumbled, “I don’t want to be ugly.”

Despite her young years she had a very expressive voice, one that spat ‘ugly’ with a sharp tongue.

“You’re not ugly here, Mona! You are just as beautiful as everyone else and more so to me, sweetheart,” I soothed. She didn’t seem satisfied.

“Daddy, I’m ugly. There are more people than just us and they’re prettier than me,” she squeaked.

This tone was familiar. She was on the verge of tears. The other people she was referring to weren’t only her and I, but the entire population of Holdintown, the ugliest city in the world. It was ugly, of course, because of the people and not the landscape. The landscape was mountainous and green during the summer, orange in the fall and sparkling white in the winter.

I lifted her chin so she would look in my eyes.

“I don’t care how pretty or ugly you are, Mona, I will love you just the same. And so will everyone else. There’s no use for outer beauty when you have friends and family that love you anyways.”

The sadness in her big brown eyes faded to a manageable amount and she nodded. I sighed and took her hand as I stood. Being a single dad was starting to get harder and harder. I didn’t know how to explain beauty to my daughter, especially since she had no hope of possessing any. No one in Holdintown did. That’s why the elders had come here.

We walked slowly down the stone steps and toward the parking lot where my small, rusting yellow truck waited in the second row next to a compact blue car that was missing a tail-light. I opened the door for my little girl, shut it and made my way to the driver’s side. I was almost in when I heard the slapping of shoes against pavement. I whipped around to see Ms. Ludlow rushing towards me with a paper in her hand.

“Mr. Stanley, wait!”

She finally got to my truck and rested her free hand on the bed while she caught her breath. I greeted her as she heaved, her thin chest rising and sinking dangerously for her old age. I eyed her familiar gray hair and noticed that she had a couple wisps flying out of her usually sleek bun.

“I’m glad I caught you,” she said when her breathing had returned to normal. “The children drew pictures of their life ambitions today and I think you’ll be interested to see what Mona made. You may need to speak with her.”

She brusquely handed me the paper and said a quick, “I hope you can help her,” before scuttling back to the school.

I looked down at the picture in my hands and saw a stick figure in the center of the page. The figure must be Mona; it had the brown eyes and curly brown hair that my daughter wore every day. She was surrounded by what looked like a bunch of houses and a sign next to her that read ‘Welcome to Belleville.’ She wanted to visit Belleville, the prettiest city in the world. I brought the drawing inside the car with me and handed it to Mona.

“Your teacher gave this to me. She said it was your greatest ambition. Is this true?” I asked in a neutral tone.

Mona sank into her seat as if trying to disappear. “Yes. I want to see the pretty people.”

I didn’t know how to answer her, so my response was turning on the engine and backing out of my spot. We were nearly halfway home before Mona turned to me.

“Are you mad at me, Daddy?” Her voice was full of worry. She hated to see me angry, even a little. She hated to see anyone anything but happy most of the time.

While waiting at the stop sign three blocks from our small house, I faced her little frame and smiled, “No. I’m not mad at you. I’m just thinking.” She smiled back and faced forward as she sat higher in her seat.

We reached home a few seconds later and Mona leaped out of the truck to play on the tire swing I had made for her years ago, back when her mother was still alive. I could still see Lucy behind the swing, pushing Mona back and forth while the two of them giggled like best friends. Lucy’s long, blond hair flowed in soft waves in the wind and she wore her favorite white dress that brushed the grass with each step. She had a thin, button nose and large brown eyes, the trait her and Mona clearly shared. I used to claim she was the exception to Holdintown’s curse, that there could not possibly be a more beautiful creature in the universe.

Mona didn’t need to be pushed anymore. She was big enough to jump into the loop and propel herself forward. She was growing up and I couldn’t stop it. I couldn’t stop that just as I couldn’t stop the sickness that had taken Lucy.

“Let’s go in for dinner, Mona,” I sighed. She hopped down from the swing with an energy I envied. I wasn’t old by any means, just thirty-five, but I already felt like I was sixty-five.

We went into the kitchen and I reached into the back of the refrigerator to get our leftovers, chicken and potatoes. I heated them up and we ate. After dinner and a couple games of battleship, Mona got into her long, powder blue nightshirt and into bed where she asked me to tell her a story. She often asked me this and often asked me to tell the same one, about her mother and how many people she saved as a doctor, about her beauty. Tonight was different.

“Daddy,” she began sheepishly, “Why are we all ugly?”

I was shocked.

“They didn’t tell you this in school?” I asked, more to myself.

“They did,” she admitted, “but I want to hear it from you.”

Mona was one of the most curious people I had ever known. And very perceptive, though I don’t think she realized just how much she understood. I dove into the story as I had heard it all my childhood. My parents had hammered it into me and I had promised myself that I would never indoctrinate my own children that much. But here was my daughter, asking me to.

“Generations ago, a man named Wren Manning lived. He was born and raised in Holdintown and was a handsome man, more so than most.  And the cleverest mind on the earth. To keep up his cleverness, he travelled to Belleville to attend the college there. He fell in love with a beautiful woman named Laura Daniels within weeks, and she with him. But their love was forbidden. Laura was betrothed to a powerful Mr. Sletty. He had many spies and discovered Wren and Laura, but he was a man who enjoyed games, thinking games. He was also very clever and educated. He challenged Wren to a contest. The loser, his hometown and their descendents, would be cursed with hideousness for the rest of eternity.”

“And he lost,” Mona whispered as if it was her who had lost.

“Yes,” I whispered back, “but it was because Laura asked him to. She knew that Mr. Sletty would have Wren killed the instant he gave the correct answer. She said she couldn’t continue living if he did not, no matter how ugly he looked.”

“Shouldn’t he have thought about the town? About us?” Mona whined.

“Yes,” I repeated, “but in a way he saved us. In Holdintown, the power of love is strong. But in Belleville, they live on lust and wants.”

“Did Wren and Laura ever see each other again?”

“They did,” I smiled. This was my favorite part. “Mr. Sletty died only three years later and Laura came to Holdintown in search of Wren. He was a teacher at your school and she found him easily. She ran into the classroom with tears in her eyes and the two were reunited. But Laura is the only Bellevillian to willingly enter Holdintown since.”

Mona was beginning to nod off, but before she fell asleep she muttered, “Mommy said she would take me there.”

I understood now. I understood why Mona wanted to go to Belleville so badly and, admittedly, I envied the secret she had with Lucy. Any way to be close to her, even in a promise that couldn’t be filled, was hard to find anymore. Mona curled up into her pillow as she faded. I kissed her forehead before leaving to go lie awake in my own bed for hours.

I used the unending time to consider the idea. No one ever left Holdintown for fear of ridicule about their unfortunate looks. Regular people wouldn’t understand. Lucy had died because of this fear. The hospital ran out of her medication at the most critical stage and couldn’t make any more in time to save her. They could have easily driven to Belleville to retrieve what she needed, but the doctors quarreled about the situation for days. And in those days…

Lucy lost her battle. Mona was very young but she knew what had happened. She knew that she would never have her mother back. I, on the other hand, was furious. The doctors hadn’t told me that all I needed to do was go to Belleville. I would have gone through any amount of ridicule to save my wife. My anger resurfaced as I lay and I couldn’t stay still anymore.

Before I knew it, I was outside, walking over to the tire swing. The night was perfect and there were so many stars that I could hardly see any night around them. I reached the swing and looped my arms around the top where the rope was. I rocked myself back and forth. This was a common enough routine of mine. Mona didn’t know and I didn’t want her to. I missed her mother more than she could imagine and I didn’t want her young years to experience my pain. I needed some way to let go, some way to find closure.

I could go to Belleville.

The thought ran over me like a semi-truck. I needed to prove to myself that I loved Lucy enough that I would have gone to Belleville for her. I would bring Mona, in hopes that she could consider her mother’s promise fulfilled.  My mind was set now and I had no choice but to go to Belleville. We would leave tomorrow night.

I picked up Mona from school and cooked dinner as usual. I didn’t quite know how to tell her. Finally the moment came. We’d finished eating and Mona studied me with a tilted head.

“What’s wrong, Daddy?” she asked.

I sighed.

“How would you feel about taking a trip?” I asked brightly and she perked up.

“To where?”

“To Belleville,” I said with a hint of uncertainty.

It took a moment for Mona to realize I’d said anything out of the ordinary. Once she did, though, she jumped out of her seat, hopped onto my lap and hugged me tightly. Taking that as a ‘yes,’ we both agreed to pack and get ready for a weekend in Belleville.

I’d never taken Mona into any other town, only the woods nearby. In fact, no one had been out of Holdintown since the curse, which was before I was born. Mona had filled her backpack and tossed it into the truck before I could even find my toothbrush. Impatient to leave, she started grabbing clothes out of my closet and shoving them in the duffel I had open on my bed. Before I knew it, we were sitting in my old truck and driving down the long, curvy road out of Holdintown. Mona’s grin was bigger than it had been for years. That smile made me believe that I was doing the right thing.

We drove for several hours. Mona reluctantly fell asleep along the way, but we managed to reach Belleville by about 11pm. I thought we should stay in a hotel. Hotels didn’t exist in Holdintown, but our teachers had explained them thoroughly. They said people were packed inside like animals and kept in dirty conditions. The outside of this giant, square building didn’t look much like the pig pen I had imagined. After simply examining the building for a few minutes, I woke Mona and we went inside. She was pulling my arm the whole way. We both tried to catch glimpses of people but there were few out around the hotel and it was too dark to see those that were. Once inside, we saw one man standing behind a counter.

“Excuse me,” I asked, embarrassed and facing the ground, “how do I get a room?”

The man eyed me in confusion and I took the moment lift my eyes and study him. He was a taller man of about thirty with shiny, black hair cut short around his oval face. He had pale blue eyes that were piercing, but kind. I was surprised. I had expected some heavenly individual, but this man looked very similar to my neighbor, Seth. Perhaps he was one of the unlucky ones in Belleville or he had a birth defect. He was not cruel, despite our own unfortunate visages. He stared with wide eyes as he enlightened us on the procedures followed in hotels.

Mona’s expression was slightly disappointed as we walked away from the man, but she stayed quiet until we reached the room.

“He wasn’t beautiful, Daddy,” came a sheepish whisper.

“I know, sweetheart,” I said slowly. I was searching for what else to say. “Maybe he was one in a million and when we go out tomorrow there will be beautiful people.”

“Okay.”

Mona’s face was hopeful, but tired. I tucked her into the soft, oversized bed before settling down to sleep myself.

We woke early the next morning. I’d had a restless night with little sleep and welcomed the sun as an excuse to get up. Mona was always an early riser. I rarely needed an alarm clock at home because she would dance into my room at 7 every morning and shake me lightly. She didn’t have to today.

“What are we going to do today?” Mona asked as she sat up in her bed.

“I was thinking we could go to the…” I forgot what it was called. “The shopping center.”

“The mall!” Mona exclaimed. “That’s where all the beautiful people go!” She leaped out of bed to throw on her brown, floor-length skirt and favorite white tee shirt. When she was finished and realized I hadn’t even started getting dressed, she started tugging me over to my suitcase and handed me a pair of jeans and a tan shirt.

We were ready in less than fifteen minutes. We worked our way down the stairs, passing only three people on the way. They gawked at us silently, but none of them seemed any more beautiful than the man at the desk, who was there again when we reached the door. I asked for directions to the mall and he told me.

“You have a beautiful daughter,” he said with a smile before we said goodbye. Mona’s face brightened, but I found his comment odd. Was this some joke? We both said our thank-you’s despite my indecision about his sincerity and followed the drawn-out directions he had made for us to the mall.

It was only a few blocks, but the streets were crowded. Mona and I looked closely at everyone, only to be disappointed each time. I could see her face get more and more confused and I’m sure mine had a very similar expression. Many women with too-tight faces and dull eyes come up to me, asking what I was doing tonight or commenting on my “gorgeous girl.” I shied them all away, unsure of what was going on. But I held out for the mall. Perhaps there weren’t as many beautiful people as the elders had said there would be, but they must meet somewhere. The mall, as it had been explained to me, was full of stores with clothes in bright colors and powders that make you prettier called makeup.  This had to be the place where the true Bellevillians would be.

Our slow, but steady journey down the few blocks to the mall finally ended when we reached the largest building I’d ever seen. It wasn’t necessarily tall, only 4 stories, but it was wider and longer than I could ever imagine. I looked down to Mona, who had grabbed my hand tightly by now, to see her jaw drop and her eyes grow wide. I smiled.

“We’re here,” I said to her.

“Will the people here be different?” She asked with concern. “I didn’t like the ladies that talked to you.”

I had to giggle a little at that. “I sure hope so, honey.”

We stepped through the doors together; ready for a grand beam of light to envelope us as stunning beings and clouds surrounded us. The opposite happened. We were shuffled into a huge, dark hallway where frowning faces greeted us with awed stares. We followed the crowd in and out of shops until we’d trekked through the entire massive building. During that time we received as many compliments as we did cold glares. One woman in a makeup booth told Mona that she could be a model. When she asked what that was, the woman laughed and said, “A beautiful face to dress up for everyone to see and admire.”

Mona fought back tears as we reached the doors we’d come in. I took her outside into a gray day and sat on a bench in a small grassy area. Mona crawled into my lap and looked up at me with sad eyes.

“There aren’t any beautiful people,” she sniffed.

“Sweetheart,” I soothed as I wiped the tears from her cheeks, “you are beautiful, more than anyone here. And so was your mother.”

Suddenly a flash of Lucy appeared in my head. She was lying in the hospital bed with tubes flowing out of her like tentacles. Mona was asleep on a little chair on one side of her bed and I was holding her hand from my seat on the other.

“Do you know what beauty is, Ben?” Lucy whispered to me.

“I know what it isn’t,” I choked, “It isn’t making you any better. Nothing is.”

“No,” she said softly, a gentle smile dancing on her lips. “It’s what’s keeping me alive. Beauty is here.” She held her hand over my heart. “The more beautiful your heart is, the more beautiful your face is.”

I had said the last sentence out loud. Mona was looking at me with her brown eyes and I could see Lucy inside them.

“Let’s go home.”

Mona found comfort in the idea and slid off my lap. I took her hand and we went back to the hotel, gathered our things and said goodbye to the desk man for the last time. As we drove back I thought about what Lucy told me about beauty. I began to get the feeling that she knew. She knew that Belleville didn’t have any different of people than Holdintown. In fact, it seemed that Mona and I were seen as better looking than some of the locals from Belleville. But why wouldn’t she tell anyone? I turned the question over and over in my head during the few hours we rode home.

Our small house was not empty when we reached it. I recognized a few of the cars that were parked there; Mrs. Ludlow’s compact car, Mayor Brayburn’s long truck and my father’s van.

“Why is grandpa here?” Mona asked sleepily.

“I’m not sure,” I said as I thunked the truck into park. I skeptically moved towards the house and Mona followed behind, mimicking my rigid steps. Once inside, she broke the pattern and rushed over to her grandpa who was sitting in a large chair. He greeted her by lifting her into his lap and giving her a bear hug. I nodded to Mrs. Ludlow and Mayor Brayburn before I shuffled over to Mona and my father.

“Mona, how about you go unpack. Grandpa and I need to talk,” I said, using my eyes to plead with her to go along with it. She understood and slipped onto the floor, smiled at everyone and bounced off to her room with her backpack over her shoulders. I faced my visitors.

“So you know,” I said bluntly.

“Yes,” my father said.

“And so did Lucy,” I added.

“Yes,” said Mrs. Ludlow.

Water pooled in my eyes, but held it in. “Why couldn’t the doctors get her medicine then? Why didn’t she tell them there’s no difference between us and them?” The words came out sharper than I had anticipated.

The mayor answered this time. “She didn’t want them to know. She understood the reasons for our secrecy.”

“And what are those reasons?” I spat, again surprised at my anger.

“Humans are different than animals because of their ability to reason. All reason is lost when only physical things matter,” Mrs. Ludlow said slowly, clearly trying to keep me calm. I tried to breathe deeply.

“She left this for you,” my father said quietly, holding out an envelope. “She told me to give it to you when you returned from Belleville.”

I took the envelope and saw my name written on the front in Lucy’s wide, curvy handwriting. I held it, simply staring.

“It’s your choice if you tell others, but Lucy believed so strongly in Holdintown that she died for us,” he continued in the soft voice. “We’ll go.”

With that, they were gone. Mona appeared next to me.

“We got a letter from Mommy,” I said when I realized she was there.

“Can we read it?” she asked.

I opened the letter and handled it as if it would crumble in my hands. I sat on the couch and Mona curled next to me as I read:

Dear Ben and my darling Mona,

I miss you. Wherever I am now, there is no helping that. I’m sure you’re wondering why I must tell you this through a letter rather than in person. I knew the secret of Holdintown and now you do, too. When I first learned I was sick, I went to Belleville. Why should I fear a little ridicule when death is ahead of me? I told you I was at Katrina’s house, Ben. I’m sorry I lied to you, but if I was to be tainted by Belleville, I didn’t want you or Mona to fall with me. After realizing that we are no different than them, I returned home. The elders came to speak with me, as I’m sure they did you. Their reasons for keeping the secret are a little different than mine. To them, Holdintown is a place where reason will rule. For me, it is a place where the heart will rule. In our seclusion, we can grow as a community, rather than alone. In thinking that everyone is ugly, we can grow our souls, rather than our wardrobe. The more beautiful your heart is, the more beautiful your face is. You may choose not to keep the secret. That is your decision and I will not try to convince you either way. But I hope that you both can, at least, understand why I made mine. I love you both with everything I have, Lucy.

“I don’t think we should tell anyone, Daddy,” Mona murmured before hugging me tightly around the neck.

“I don’t think so either, sweetie.”

Author's Note

This was a short story I wrote a couple years ago for a creative writing class. Please share any comments you have on the idea, style, etc. Thanks!