Cry for help

The voice of a broken mind seeking healing.

The past 16 years have been tough as hell on me to say the least. Walking through life as though everything is fine when literally my world has been falling apart. No one to talk to, no one to listen to or even look up to. It's a cruel world especially if you have to deal with everything all alone. A few years back I started writing just as a form of expression. I would jot down my thoughts and feelings and tear them up so that no one would find them. Hiding my pain from everyone around me. It's hard but with time it became the new normal. They have no idea of the struggles I go through. It's so easy to smile and help others solve their problems than deal with your own. That has basically been my life. My mind is a constant battlefield and my heart aches from unhealed wounds. I'm deeply scarred, that I know. At some point I even thought myself to be damaged goods. Damaged beyond repair. All I had ever wished for is a caring hand, a kind soul to just listen ans hopefully relate. I'm aware everyone has their struggles but life is hard enough to be carrying them all on your own. But then what do you do when there isn't a single soul you can trust? I tried asking for help a few years back but everyone just assumed I was going through a phase and that I'll snap out of it eventually, except it wasn't. I've always wanted to see a shrink but hey, those services don't come cheap. However the thought crossed my mind one day and I remember thinking, if I were to actually see one, where would I even begin? There's a lot to talk about and talk through. My self psychoanalysis shows though that it all boils down to emotional instability. A worse diagnosis would probably be borderline personality disorder. I don't know though. I'm still looking for an explanation and healing. I'm not a horrible person and I'm not good either. I'm just a girl with a broken mind and heart seeking healing. This I guess, is the first step. This is my cry for help.