A Letter To the One That Didn't Want to Stay

Recently I was in a relationship that didn't work out. I wanted to put my thoughts out in the open to deal with things. Who knows? Maybe some day I will send this to them.

Dear _____,

Hi, hasn't been very long has it? About a week, I think. Its been about a week since you...left. I unconsciously shrug my shoulders when I say that in my head, but the truth is that it hurts. I'm not surprised that it didn't work out. It didn't before, why would it this time? I thought it was going to, though.

You came back out of the blue and we started talking again. We weren't on bad terms, so it seemed natural. Suddenly, you were very deep and explained your feelings. I never learn my lessons when it comes to relationships, so I accepted your feelings and we got back together. It felt different this time, but not in the good way. I had made a promise to myself that I wasn't going to make the same mistakes. No "I love you" within the first month. No opening up and trusting so easily. I was going to be blunt and get what I wanted, or I would walk. However, it didn't take me long to go back on that promise. You made me feel nervous and anxious. I was just waiting for the ball to drop and for the floor to fall beneath my feet. And one day it did. 

You said that you couldn't give me what I wanted. You couldn't have serious feelings for me and it didn't want to hurt me more by keeping the relationship going. This was about a month after I opened up and told you I wanted to be in a serious relationship. You agreed and whispered, "you're stuck with me," as your arm pulled me closer as I fell asleep. I don't think you know that I heard that. That soft uttering of words when you thought I was asleep already.

 So, after all of that, of course I Iashed out at you. "why?" "You wasted my time." "This should have never happened." "Why are you such a lier?" In reality though, I was falling a part. I wanted say, "why not me?" "This should have been forever." "Why aren't you letting me in?" "I love you." I never said those things, though. I wasn't going to let you get the best of me. Not this time. But as lay in my dark room, refusing to cry, my mind wanders. 

Why couldn't it have been me? I don't mean the person you would marry or have kids with. I mean, why couldn't you love me? Why couldn't I have been the one that put the stars in the sky for you? The one that made you smile so big your cheeks hurt? The one you'd fall in love with after your first heart break...because that's who you were for me. 

But I'm not the one. I'm the main character in my own "He's Just Not That Into You." I'm beginning to understand this now, even though it breaks my heart. Although, this hurts, I know that someday I will be all of those things to someone. I also know someday, there will be one like that for you. Please hold onto her, because she will be very special if she's the one that can hold your heart. I'll envy her from afar. 

I will not say "thank you" for breaking my heart because I learned nothing from this experience. I will say "thank you' for making me laugh and smile, even though it was for a short while. Hopefully one day, I can put my feelings aside and be your friend but that's not now. Right now, I'm regrouping without a tear in my eye. I guess you made me stronger? I'm not sure. One day I hope you look back and maybe think you made a mistake, but you won't and that's okay. One day, we'll see each other and say hello and pretend like this never happened. Until then, I hope you are well and not feeling like I am right now.

Sincerely, your Palm Top Tiger  

Author's Note

Terribly sorry It's so long. It's 4 am the night before my finals begin and procrastination took over. Feel free to make any suggestions to help me better my writing.

Reviews

[C.Chang]

A sad but heart warming. Nice work.