Lakes

Im sucking up water,
more than I am air.
Im cutting up scissors,
more than my own hair.

In each dark corner that I see.
There is always something more beautiful than me.
So count my dues as I've always been told.
Hope the next morning, that I am suffocating cold.

Author's Note

Lakes can be deathly beautiful.

Reviews

[Mila]

Very nice write, nice choice of words. Only one critique I have is to make the "Im" "I'm" since it's a contraction. Other than that, great job! :)

[andrew mitchell]

One has to respect nature or else! Nice eerie write

[Willard Wells]

Very nice with hidden meanings to you I expect. Water is always beautiful, but also very deadly if you are not careful.

[Riv]

I have a fear of drowning, I don't like swimming but since my fiance enjoys it so much I tend to find myself in the water one way or another.

[Willard Wells]

Stay in your comfort zone. Drowning is more due to panic from fear than the ability to swim.

[Riv]

Yeah that's what my fiance tells me, she's been in the water since she was little

[Willard Wells]

I learned to swim early and I have a higher level dive certification, but I still respect the water and if I am not comfortable with a dive site or partner, I will abort the dive. Stay safe.

[Kajal Sharma]

I love everything that rhymes especially i mostly write in aabb scheme... good job!!

[Riv]

I never could get the hang of ryhming scheme's I just write and see what comes out xD

[dan]

Very catchy and surprisingly upbeat. Nice write. take care...dan

[Riv]

Upbeat! That's definitely not something I expected for this poem, thanks for the review.

[Perkele.7885]

I have read this over and over looking for a string of some kind to pull it together for me. I have not found one yet. It appears you are reaching? and always falling short.

[Riv]

Perhaps some constructive criticism? It's always welcome.

[Perkele.7885]

I always try to fathom out the write. Sometimes, I just miss the boat!

[Robert]

Good flow to this Riva but somewhat dark. It is good though that you see beauty in others.

[Riv]

I think a lot of my poems are dark. It's hard to write light hearted ones for me because the muse just doesn't pop up.

[TheOne&Only]

Interesting write, its dark and deep, just like a lake can be..It intrigues me that you use "Lake"..as your metaphor. Thanks for sharing. I know exactly how this poem feels!

[Riv]

A lot of how people view my poems is completely different to how I write them xD but that's okay because poems are open ended.