Aishiteru Archives

I can't really remember what I was doing, or how I got here, just that I was back to the ground in the snow. On all sides of me, were piles of white, cold, ice. I felt like I was freezing, but I didn't care. Pulling my hands to my sides as my dark hair fell over my violet eyes. My cheeks bright red, when the light was blocked by an object. A hand it seemed, a teenagers hand, bigger than my small eight year old hands. As I reached out and touched it, that teenager pulled me up into a standing position, though I couldn't see what he looked like. All he was, was a blurry figure. My face flushed in embarrassment as he kissed the top of my head and whispered the words.

"Aishiteru"

The school field trip. The upperclassmen took it every year to the same exact place, which was the Cherry Blossom College. Hopefully the place the smarter kids would be getting into. Cherry Blossom was a small town near the border of Canada, in Washington. It rained nearly every day and the weather was cold, not to mention crisp. Cherry Blossom was a very esteem place, where most of their kids were well mannered and school orientated. Like I was.

I had been living in California for the most of my life. I grew up in Cherry Blossom but I barely remembered anything about it. When I was eight my father got a job in California and we moved. Then, Ten years later both my parents decided it would be a good idea to come back to Cherry Blossom. Though I wasn't quite sure why. After all, all the students  may have been smart, but it was one of those towns who didn't take kindly to outsiders, specially people who had left, and then returned with no valid reason for it.

The Cherry Blossom College was a small portion of land on the outskirts of town. Not far from the high school. It had two large two story buildings split apart. One was the classes, the other were the office area's. Between them was the quad, and the cafeteria section. To me it seemed rather simple, but then again, not many got emitted to this so called elite school. Only those who took their studies seriously got in.

"Students stay in your respective groups and be sure to not leave the sight of your supervising teacher." The lead counselor yelled out to the small mass of kids. I wore the uniform like everyone else. The men wearing a dark blue button up shirt with a gray tie and gray pants. With your average, class of social workers, black shoes. I was away from the rest though, my respective group rejected me from the beginning on the bus when I had tried to talk to them. Not that I cared. The only thing I wanted to concentrate on, was my studies. My violet eyes followed them, two boys, and one girl with the exception of the lady professor.  "Let's make this field trip a blast" Man, was that guys voice annoying. I sighed and began to walk behind the group as we walked onto the campus.

"The first thing we'll be looking at is how large the classrooms are. Now you mustn't get in the college student's way, they are still taking classes while we are hear" Mrs.W told us. The woman was around twenty seven years old. Every day she showed up in a one piece dress, and the classic hooker heels. Wearing bright red lipstick to the max amount, don't even get me talking about her eye shadow. She was one of those girls who had a fling with one guy almost every night, but was still all broke about it in the morning. It had been a week since we moved and yet still she took her anger out on the class. I looked around for a moment as I glared over at one of the boys, who was whispering something to his buddy the girl giggling behind them.

"Hey River, why don't you go crying back to California, a big boy school like this will only swallow you and spit you out in pieces." He snickered. I sighed and scratched the back of my head. He wore the same uniform as me, but with dark brown short spiked hair, and green eyes. He was a few inches taller then me with a strong, worker like build. He was your average intimidating Jock, obsessed with Nfl football. His name, Kenton Black. After I ignored his insult, he scoffed and they returned their gaze towards the teacher continuing on.

The first place we stopped at was the library. A large section of the classes building with a high set place of books. It surprised me as to how many there were, dragging my hand over the spines of them all. I was tempted to grab  one and just start reading, but Kenton grabbed me by the collar and pinned me to the bookcase to my surprise. Making my lungs rid themselves of air for a quick moment as I scowled and clenched my fist. There wasn't much I could do against him, being smaller, and after all, his entire life he had probably been beating up outsiders straight into homeschooling. From observing his behaviors in the halls it wasn't surprising.

"Listen punk, you know you're not welcome here, we know you're not welcome here. So why are you still here. Why don't you run back to your family and go back to California. I don't care if you've lived here before or not, anyone who leaves Cherry Blossom has lost all respect for this town." His rancid breath made a shiver run down my spine as I lowered my face clenching my teeth down against my sharp canines. Situations like this made me nervous, I only just did what my parents told me, I was a good student I always got A's, but somehow there was something in the back of my mind that had always bothered me. The teacher called for us. He clicked his tongue in arrogance and annoyance. "Fine, if you won't listen to me, why don't you just stay in this library until the field trips over. Not like you're going to go here anyway, they won't accept someone like you to this school. Not if you even bribed them with your rich family." My family wasn't rich, in fact, were an average  income household.

Like he had told me, I stayed in the library. Sitting down at one of the rectangular shaped wooden tables. The librarian didn't seem to mind. The old man just continued through his papers and on the computer. I sighed and set my head against the table, groaning as I heard a sound from the door. Walking through the double doors was a tall college student. Who looked to be some years older than me, he had blonde hair with bright blue eyes. A silver piercing at the top of his right ear. Wearing a uniform quite like ours, just with a silver shirt and a blue tie, with blue pants instead of the other colors. He looked around for a bit and then a smile grew on his face as he went over to the librarian.

"Long time no see Mr.Takagan. Has the book I reserved come in yet? I'd love to read it as soon as possible." He said in a melodic tone, he seemed  almost, too happy. Yet then again, his appearance was something out of a fairy tail. A good looking man like that, he had probably dyed his hair. I observed him carefully as the librarian gave him a book. It looked to be a romance novel of some sort. A Japanese Manga to be more specific. He took a seat right in front of me before I could notice as a shiver ran up my spine and I looked away embarrassed slightly. He began flipping through the book with a smile on his face, for a few moment he was silent. "Your one of the Seniors aren't you. Why are you in the library?" He blurted it out as if it was a normal thing to ask someone.

"I...well. Wanted to stay in the library. There are so many books here." My voice cracked under the pressure. Being with a upperclassmen was so embarrassing, especially one that looked so good. My face flushed as my heart quickened its pace. Stupid! Why are you getting so nervous around someone you just met. I shook my head as he looked at me, suddenly placing his book down he stretched over and inspected me.

"Say. You look familiar." I looked up and met his eyes sparkling at me as I shivered up and down. My face blushed and turned red and got up.

"EXCUSE ME I MUST BE GOING" I yelled and took off towards the door. I heard the man yell for me, but I was already through the door, going after my group.

"I'm Home" I called as I entered the house. Today had been a long day when I thought about it. After I ran out of the library I had to explain to the school what had happened. Kenton ended up being punished, though it only made him hate me more obviously. I held a bag full of groceries my mother asked me to get for dinner tonight. I set it down on the table and instantly headed towards my bedroom up the stairs. This house was old, it was the same house we had lived in ten years ago. I could remember a few of its features. A two story house with an additional small attic. The bottom floor consisted of the living room, the kitchen, and my parents office. While all the bedrooms were up stairs. Three bedrooms two bathrooms. One in my parents rooms and one in the middle of the hall where  me and my younger sister had to share. My room was at the very end up the hall,  to the right. The wood floor  scraped against my shoes as I entered the room and took them off, setting them gently down on the table as I flopped down on my bed with a heavy sigh.

My  room was rather plain, not to mention small. The bed was long ways against the wall, right above was the window. Across from it was the desk, it had  enough space on it to hold a laptop and do my work, with a small lamp to boot. The closet was a long slide door closet, a few feet from the edge of my bed. A small white carpet covered part of the wooden  floor. The room was paint a deep green, and the curtains kept the room dark eating every source of light it could. The fan in the middle of the roof had an attaching light, the switch was near the door to the left of the closet.

My eyes followed the strange patterns on the roof as I closed my eyes to rest for a little bit. Until I heard the doorbell ring. Who could be here right now? Where were my parents and sister anyway. As I sat up I yawned covering my mouth with my hand as I opened my door and ambled down the stairs. As the doorbell rang again, "Alright, alright, I'm coming" I called out and placed my hand on the door handle. As I tugged it open, I saw the man from the library, the college  student. I blinked for a moment almost half thinking it was a joke. As  his face lit up and he came close to my face,  making my face turn red.

"So it was you. I thought it was, I'd know you anywhere River!" I laughed as he placed his hand on my head. I groaned a slight bit and looked at him. Who the hell did this guy think he was. I certainly had no idea who he was, and yet he knew who I was. I placed my hands on his wrist and removed his hand dropping it towards him.

"Excuse me?" I scoffed scowling at him. As he only chuckled and apparently,  invited himself in, as he stepped in pressing me back into the walk area. As he quietly shut the door behind him I raised an eyebrow. Great, did I just let a robber into my house? And one damn good looking one too. NO, I shouldn't be thinking about that. I may have been gay, but that didn't mean I looked at every single guy  that passed by. I shook my head lightly as he placed a  hand on my chin. I looked at him in surprise.

"Well I don't blame you for not remembering me, it’s been ten years after all. It's me Damon Knowles. Everyone calls me Deren though. I say River you've grown up to be quite the looker, you're eighteen now right. The girls must flock to you like crazy" He didn't exactly have everything right. I looked away for a moment and slapped his hand away.

"I'm sorry, I don't remember anyone called Damon, or Deren for that matter. You must have the  wrong River." I sneaked a peek at him. His gaze seemed surprised until it softened and he wrapped his arms around me, as he hugged me close. I became flustered as my heart sped up and I struggled against him. "W...What the hell man!" Though he overpowered me easily and held me tight against my struggle. His scent, it was like fresh rain, as I narrowed my eyes and tried to calm my breathing, the touch seemed so familiar like from a long time ago.

"Aishiteru"

My eyes opened wide as I looked up at Deren, he smiled at me and released his grip. "Remember now?" He questioned. As I nearly hiccuped and covered my face with one of my hands in an embarrassing act. This was the guy I was best friends with when I was eight years old. He was around seven years older than me, but I had honestly been attracted to him since the beginning. Now he was older, I was older. I looked up at him flustered as Deren grabbed my hand and removed it from my face.

"YOU BLEACHED YOUR HAIR" I blurted out touching his head as he blinked at me. Deren's  natural hair color was brown. I remembered now. But this made for a more difficult situation. My life long crush had reentered my life, and now I was horribly confused about everything. As Deren chuckled and pulled my hands against his face, I breathed heavily and looked down. No, he was a guy, and I had liked him ten years ago, but this was now. Besides, it was a Seven year difference. It would make him feel like some sort of pedophile. "....would, you like me to make some coffee?" I asked shyly.

"Coffee would be great, I'll wait in the living room, then we can catch up on things, I haven't seen you in Ten years something exciting has to have happened." He rambled patting me on the back as he vanished to the right of the stairs through the opening into the living room. From the tip of my vision he sat on the couch and turned on the tv. I looked away and took a deep breath moving into the kitchen to make some Coffee.

Deren was fifteen when we met, my dad was the one who introduced us. He was the son of a friend and someone who was very close to me. Even though I was young, I was smart enough to understand what couples did and such. At the time I had a crush to admire the older man. Though that didn't make this less creepy. After we moved, I had been obsessed with being able to date him when I got older. Middle school was hell after one of the students spilled that I was attracted to men instead of women.  I was bragged by names, and bullied to no tomorrow. Eventually I went into a deep depression and was pulled into homeschooling. All through school up until this year. Where my father decided it would be  a good thing for me  to return and study here. He told me that Cherry Blossom had been a very gay friendly environment from the start. It surprised me that my family didn't mind me being attracted to men. In fact my younger sister seemed thrilled to have a gay brother. And now I had to run into him here and now, and it was making my feelings skyrocketed. I couldn't possibly be in love with him, I knew nothing about him, or his life.

I stepped into the living room and handed him a cup of Coffee. "Here." I said and sat  down on the other  couch away from him. I sipped on my own cup and looked away. His presence made me uneasy, was it sad that I wanted him to touch me? To kiss me? Just wanted to make sure that these feelings were still the same ones from Ten years ago, which seemed, rather unrealistic. Like something out of a Manga. I shyly sat legs pushed together as Deren drank his coffee, and turned off  the tv facing towards me.

"So, how've you been?" His voice was soft, comforting, like an  angel.

"Okay....its  been awhile since I've been able to go to a public school." I mused.

"Really? You were the social butterfly when you were eight, what happened?"

"Middle school kids in California didn't like me because I was different. My parents pulled me out before I got hurt. Though with homeschooling I still went twice a week. Plenty of girls asked me out."

"Not surprising with your looks, so, did you fall in love with any of them?"

"...No." I looked away my face red. "I rejected all of them"

"Whyyyy?" Deren exclaimed. I glared at him.

"Maybe I just wasn't interested" Deren blinked at my sudden attitude. As he placed his hand on my head.

"Are you alright, your face is all red." He came closer to me as I recoiled my face blushing. He was too close, too close. I shut my eyes expecting something to happen when I heard the door open and the voices of my family come into play.

"RIVER sorry we're late, we had  to go to Kate's school for  something" I jumped away from Deren as he stood up. My father the first to enter  the room.

"Ohh...Hi dad" I laughed and waved at him. "You remember Damon don't you?" I said. Well, wasn't that just way too good timing?

The situation made me uneasy, the entire time I ended up hiding in the Kitchen distracting myself by cooking dinner. Kate, my younger sister, sat at the table on her cell phone. As I lied out some snacks for her, mainly celery sticks. I wiped my hands on my apron and looked down as Kate lifted her head. "Brother, vegetables are boiling over" I looked over and the pot was overflowing with water. I cursed under my breath and turned off the gas quickly with a sigh. Putting on the mitten I opened the oven and pulled out the chicken. I turned off the gas on the gravy as well and turned off the fan turning around and leaning against the counters as I let a deep breath escape my throat. Honestly, what was I doing today. Kate brushed back her long blonde hair. "I'm going to go talk with mom and dad about the play I was invited to. They seem too distracted by Damon. And it certainly seems to bother you." She stood up and I looked at her.

"Wait, who said it bothered me." I objected grabbing her wrist. The teen turned around and glared at me.

"I watch too much Yaoi to know what's going on. You like him, but you don't think it's right because he's your childhood friend and he's older. But trust me, the last thing I need is a gay brother who has 'boyfriend' problems." I went to object but before I could she slipped through and vanished around the corner. Flustered, I dragged my hand through my hair my violet eyes looking at the wooden floor. At my apron mostly. Just thinking about it gave me a headache. I turned and walked towards the fridge, opening it I pulled out a Dr.Pepper and opened it. Drinking it as I turned Deren was standing in the doorway smiling at me.

"You finish dinner already. Man, your amazing at this" Was this some kind of sick joke to him? I looked away my eyes glistening with tears I tried to hold back. Setting the soda can on the table I delicately felt the ring with my soft fingers. The sharp metal poking into my skin. Making a clinking noise. As Deren tore a piece of the chicken off.

"Hey, wait a minute, you aren't supposed to eat yet" I stumbled on my feet over towards him and fell into his chest. Before I knew it, he was looking at me blinking. My face turned red as my heart rate quickened its pace. My hands against his chest, he felt so warm. All I wanted was for him to touch me, something I had longed for, lusted for, and yet somehow it felt wrong. Deren placed the chicken down before eating it, and placed his hands through my hair on my head. I gasped and recoiled, as his hands slipped through, he grabbed my wrist.

"Hey.....are you alright"

"I...IM PERFECTLY FINE" I yelped as I felt his grip tighten. He turned me around, and his face was close to mine. I could feel him breathing, his lips almost touching mine as I shyly grabbed onto the front of his shirt, shivering. I closed my eyes as he pressed his lips against mine, the sweet scent of fresh rain wafting over me from him. As I felt as if I was going to faint, my head throbbed, and all I could do was surrender. Until when he let go I finally pushed him off me. "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!?" I exclaimed wiping my lips against my sleeve. No....I wanted it to stay. I looked at him with a menacing glare.

"What did it look like, I kissed you" Deren placed his thumb against the edge of his mouth, he flicked it, as I growled.

"That's sexual harassment, leave now!" I pointed towards the exit. As he looked at me with an angry face. Well what else did he expect me to do, I couldn't just give into him, it wasn't like me not at all.

"What about your parents? How are you going to explain the reason why you kicked me out of their house." He questioned authoritatively. No, I wanted him to stay, I wanted  him, his body, his curves all of it. But, I was afraid, I was afraid not being able to let go, I clamped my fists  shut. As I looked at the ground, my heart  wouldn't stop beating, and my body wouldn't stop shaking. Sweat ran down from my face. What the hell was this feeling, I didn't like it, it was lustful. Deren let out a heavy sigh and I looked up at him as he turned around. "Fine, I'll leave, I see I've overstayed my welcome." He went to leave, I went to chase after him but stopped myself. no.....don't leave me I thought as I covered my face with my hand. Deren slipped a piece of paper on the table. "There's my number, text me if you need anything" Then, he was gone. He  grabbed his coat and left. I slide down the wall and hugged my knees to my chest, but only for a moment as I aimlessly stood up and entered the living room.

"Dinners ready, serve yourself.  Deren went home, said he didn't want to stay too late. I  have a test to study for so I'll be in my room" I removed myself from the scene and placed myself at my desk with my laptop in my room. Placing my head against the table, as I looked at the number he had left for me on the kitchen table. I then pulled out my phone, and added him as a contact, but I didn't do anything else. I threw my phone on the desk and groaned leaning back in the chair. As I pulled my hand over my hot forehead, moving strands of hair away.

When he kissed me, it had only confirmed my selfish  feelings. That I loved him, that I wanted him all to myself. Who would think that at eight years old, and then meeting him again Ten years later when I was eighteen would I fall for him. He has such a beautiful face, it was hard to believe. Then again, the girls always complained that all the good guys were gay, taken, or fictional. It was logical....that he was all three. At his age, he probably had a boyfriend, or a girlfriend. Or even better yet, I was dreaming all of this and I was torturing myself for some reason. It wasn't like I had some awful burden. Sure I was bullied for being gay, but it wasn't anything to be depressed over right? I looked at my phone. Maybe I really should call him? Or maybe....text him? No, I was tired. Tomorrow was Saturday so I could sleep in, sleep was the main thing I needed, specially after this night.

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"Eggs, milk, and....cake batter?" I questioned looking at the text message my mother had sent me. Obviously she was having another fling with a  guy, and wanted to bake a cake like she always did. I sighed and pulled my hand through my dark long hair. My fingers  grabbed the supplies and heading towards the cashier of the store. Stuffing my phone into my pocket, I pulled out my wallet from the purse attached to my shoulder.

"That'll be,  14.95" I pulled out three fives and gave it to the man. As he gave me the change, I quickly rushed out the door into the night when I heard a voice.

"Erica, what are you doing here?" I turned around and realized it was Damon. He and I went to the same college. Though I had never liked him, I wasn't a very good student to begin with, and with him around, it only made me  feel more pathetic. Like someone my age at Twenty Two should be living their life out here in Cherry Blossom. I tightly  gripped my bag of supplies  as he came towards me. "Buying stuff for your mom?" I crossed my arms tightly.

"What is it to you?" Damon laughed  and passed by me tapping me on the head. I was startled for a bit because usually he'd stop and start walking home with me. Something was definitely out of the ordinary, but I wasn't going to bother to talk to him about it. My phone rang and I checked my messages. My boyfriend had texted me 'Derek'  'How you doing love?' I groaned and shut the phone, walking along the sidewalk.

Yeah, Derek was my boyfriend, though I was only using him as distraction. It seemed like he was using me as a distraction to for liking a lesbian. I myself, and not long since gotten over one of my ex girlfriends and was still deeply attached. Not  only had I broken up with her once but twice, and maybe, the entire time it was because I was afraid that one day I'd lose her, she'd be lost. And it made me upset that I fell in love with the most esteemed thing, of all the drama. Of how her life was so different from mine. Now, at any moment, she could ask anyone out. She was popular enough for sure. Now here I was using a boyfriend as a distraction because she had stolen my heart, and never given it back.  

In Cherry Blossom, not many people were out at night, my house wasn't far  from the end of the light. As I turned  the corner, my light at the house was on, mom waiting for me at the door. She opened the door and went on her usual. “OH THANK GOODNESS, QUICKLY GO IN YOUR ROOM HE’S COMING OVER SOON AND YOUR DAD SHOULD BE HOME LATE AFTERNOON TOMORROW.” Throwing me aside, and vanishing into the kitchen. It  only made me realize how much of a w***e my mom was. Literally. I never told father that she was cheating on him with a different man every night, because he was oblivious and wouldn't listen to reason in the end. I scratched the back of my head  and went to my room at the end of the hall, near the bathroom, while my moms and dads room was all the way at the other end of the house near the laundry room. Plopping down on the bed I threw my  phone on my  desk.

I lived in this house with my w***e of a mother, Margaret, and my father Kevin, who was oblivious and was one of those office men who loved to boss others around. I had an older brother, Henry, he was never home, his bedroom right next to mine. Every time he came home he was with the same exact girlfriend, smoking a cigarette, and asking mom for drug money. It was almost like I was the only functional one in this family, if it weren't for my hatred for a lot of people, and how I was pathetic in the race of romance. Where as I had broken up with the one I loved, and it was the biggest mistake of my life and now I was stuck with a boyfriend who loved someone else,  and we were both using each other as a distraction from the one we love but no longer could have. How amazing was that?

I woke up in the morning with barely any sleep hearing my mother all night with that man. It was my only day off from college this week, and now I was stuck with wanting to sleep all day. I pulled my phone into my pocket, and walked outside. I was going to grab something to eat at the cafe. It wasn't far from here, and they had some good food. It was in fact a very old fashioned place that Cherry blossom took to pride. It was near the market, with a small building inside were booths where they let you choose where to sit. As I opened the door I was greeted with surprise by none other than...Violet, my ex. She was dressed in a maiden outfit, as I sighed  my heart  coming filled  with stress in those simple moments. She led me to my seat and I placed my  head on the table. Out of all places, why had she gotten a job here?

"What would you like for a drink Erica?" Her light hair in a bun as I raised an eyebrow at her. How could she act so casual about everything, and all the men, they were staring at her. I  sighed and leaned back.

"Do you dress like that to be oogled at or is it to draw more male  customers?" I asked as she looked behind her. Obviously embarrassed as she tried to pull down her skirt. She held the clipboard up to her blushed face. "Tea will be fine." She nodded and vanished around the corner. As I leaned over and glared at the men across at the other booths who had been staring at her. The devilish glare was caught as soon as their attention moved towards me, and frightened they all returned to looking at their menu's. Honestly, men could be so stupid. At least Derke was easy to control since one he loved someone else, and he was one of those guys who were so  modest, he did whatever I told him to. Other guys mostly did it too, but that was mainly because I was a C cup, almost D. One of my friends called it 'b**b power' in which got me things I wanted. I guess, you could blame that nature on my mom for getting everything I wanted.

Violet returned with my tea and vanished without saying another word to attend to the male guests. I watched with interest as my protective nature kicked in to what was  mine. I couldn't help it, when I saw her with others, I wanted to punch them in the the face and kiss her in front of them. Claim her as my own. As I silently sipped on my tea, I let the fantasy slip as the  men started flirting with her, they were too far away for me to hear what they were saying. As one of them stood up and came close to her, I bolted forward out of my seat and stomped over. The men sitting down as the one standing looked at me.

"What's your problem?" He snickered. I grabbed his Jacket and punched him square in the face  as  hard as I could. He stumbled back as his friends stood up defensively. "HEY. YOU THINK THAT'S FUNNY?" The man to the right went after me as I pushed Violet back and kicked  him in the chest. My eyes pressing with anger, as I pulled money out of my pocket and shoved it at Violet.

"Thank you for the drink" I growled. Grabbing the tea I consumed it in mere seconds and grabbed my things  walking out the  door. As did Violet follow me and run down to the back of the cafe.

"Erica, wait!" She panted as I stopped and looked  at her. Glaring, as I sighed and bowed.  Apologizing for the trouble I had caused. Thought she just laughed as I stood up straight and looked at her. "I just wanted to say thank you is all dummy." She tapped me on the head and I blushed, tightened my  grip on the purse straps. I mustn't kiss her, I musn't go near her. She needs someone better. Hell I just punched and kicked two guys because of how protective I was. I sighed, when Violet kissed me on the cheek, I was dumbfounded. Standing there, she only just giggled and ran back inside. As I tried to pull air into my lungs touching my cheek with my hand. How wonderful.

The sound of the clock ticking above my head almost caused me to nod off, the sound of rain outside continued on. What woke me up was the sudden pounding on the door, as I lazily got up, I could assume that it was Henry, and his girlfriend. He pounded again as I yelled out that I was coming and he could wait. Pulling on my tennis shoes, I was tired and hadn't really eaten anything yet, so it was obvious I had no energy for this at all. I tugged open the handle and there he was on the porch, cigarette in mouth other hand around his skinny girlfriends waist looking at him with those same stupid ugly eyes. Short brown hair, and scruff over his chin, with green eyes. I really  did, hate my brother so much.

"Hey sis, mom not home tonight I'm guessing." I glared at him with a blank expression.

"What do you think?" I answered as he smiled and threw the cigarette on the ground crushing it in with his shoes.

"Great, here's fifty bucks stay out of the house tonight, you can go hang out with your boyfriend or something, isn't that wonderful?" Before I knew it there was money in my pocket and I had been thrown out onto the porch. There was no sense of struggled from me as I turned around to yell at my brother, only to come in contact with a door. Also to hear the click of a lock. Had he seriously just done that? I was in a sleeveless t-shirt and gray shorts, and not to mention no umbrella. My cellphone was still in my room, he had put fifty bucks into my short pockets, and locked me out of my own house. The hell. It was raining, and it was cold. I sighed, and slid down the side of the wall, I could hear my brother inside, toying around with his girlfriend. It sickened me down to the core. I clenched my fists and threw them on the ground. Damnit!

I sat there for a little while, wondering what I was going to do. I could see my breath, and I couldn't feel my body, I sure as hell didn't want to go out in the rain. And the only person who I knew who lived by.....was Violet. I sighed, well, I couldn't say I didn't want to see her. She lived alone in her own house after all, a nice, quiet small apartment. Oh how much fun we had in there, I had no where else to go after all did I? I stood up. "There can't be any harm just wanting to be warm until I'm allowed back into my own house right?" Yeah, keep believing that Erica, keep on dreaming. You chose this hell,  over getting a job and getting your own place, you chose to keep going to college and stay in this hell household, full of lies, sex, and deception.

I stepped out into the rain and started down the road. The rain wasn't falling too hard, at least I could see in front of me. As I ended up at the lights, I looked over at the apartment complex, so close to my house. As I pressed the cold button with my fingers, I sneezed. I was now not only cold, but soaked with water. I stuffed the money farther into my pocket to keep it safe. As much as I wanted to throw it to the ground because it was Henry's money, money was money, so I would keep it. As the signal changed I quickly sprinted across, and walked into the apartment complex area. First floor, 2-A. As I stopped in front of the door, I knocked on the door, and stood back in the rain. Waiting as Violet opened the door, and looked at me with a surprised expression on her face.

"H-hi" I shivered and rubbing my arms for warmth as Violet rushed out of her room.

"Good god Erica, what were you thinking, dressed like that in the rain, come on. We need to get you out of those wet clothes." She pushed me inside as I stumbled into her room. She pushed me onto the couch before vanishing into her room and grabbing a pair of clothes. "Go on, you take a nice long hot shower,  and change into those clothes. You can explain what happened when you get out." It sounded like she was barking innocent orders at me. I chuckled a bit, but had no objections as I grabbed the clothes, and entered her bathroom. Shutting the door behind me and clicking the lock. I sighed, looking at myself in the mirror, how much of an idiot could I be? I set the dry clothes on the sink, and undressed myself before starting the water  and feeling it until it became warm. After it was warm enough, I stepped inside, pulling my long hair back, and feeling the nice flow of the water over my skin.

After my shower, I pulled on Violet's clothes, in which fit me oddly well. It was a large t-shirt, and  some jeans. I spun around in them for a moment, the t-shirt was a light tan or brown, with an eagle in the middle. I walked out of the shower brushing my hair as Violet stared at me with an awful glare, until it softened.

"Now, don't you feel better? Sit down, and tell me what happened." I had moved the fifty dollars from my short pockets to the pockets in these one's. After putting the brush down I sat on the couch and gave a breath, crossing my legs like a kindergarten child to face towards Violet. I was warm now at least, and able to relax. In a way at least.

"Do I have to tell you" I scoffed, well, I hadn't meant it anyway. As Violet crossed her arms. With a deep sigh she shook her head.

"Judging by your state I can probably tell if was your brother, but you don't have to tell me." My stomach growled furiously. Violet looked at me with a worried expression. "When's the last time you ate something?" I was tired too.

"This morning, mom took all the food. I just sat in bed all day." I pulled my hand to the back of my head, as Violet stood up.

"Wait here then I'll make you some food." And with that, she was straight in the kitchen cooking a full meal for the two of us. I swear, even now, she chose to take care of me when I was as useful as a rabid crocodile on land. Great gods, that girl was amazing.

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A day had passed since that day. The day Damon had kissed me, and it was back to school as usual. I couldn't help but to think about him constantly, just, his face was inside of my head. The scene in which he had kissed me played over and over again, and I was confusing myself with every task possible. I had even done badly at sports, in which had actually cost me the appearance of my eye. Also the punishment of not paying in class, was to clean the desks in the classroom after school was over. That was the majority of my Monday at school, and it still hadn't ended yet.

Moving the desk to the side, I crouched down to look at a student notebook someone had left here. I sighed and pulled my hand over it, placing my hand on the cover before swiping it up and sitting in the chair near the window. It was brown with small flowers on the front, obviously some girls notebook. I was tempted to look through it, but I knew that wasn't nice. As I set it down and got up the door swung open startling me back. It was a small girl, almost like a middle schooler, with long golden locks and deep green eyes. The butterfly pin on the left side of her head was what mainly caught my attention, and the odd smile on her face too. I was a bit too startled to do anything as she came closer, placing her hand just past mine as I looked at her surprised. Though she tugged back and waved the notebook in front of her.

"You know it's not nice to try and steal a girls notebook mister." She giggled and spun around before sitting on top of one of the desks. Dragging her finger along it, "you did a good job of cleaning, are you planning on going home soon, it's a shame you aren't in any of the clubs." I sat down in the chair and raised an eyebrow.

"Why is it a shame, not like anyone here likes me anyway." This damn close knit town was getting on my nerves. Her eyes turned towards me and she smiled tilting her head.

"How can they not like you when they've never met you. I don't like you, nor dislike you. But I'd like to try and get to know you at least." She brought her hands forward to her legs and smiled at  me. It was kinda sweet, but I didn't exactly know what to make of it. Getting up I scratched  the top of my head and started towards the door, only to have her stand up and yell behind me. "My name is Lizard, I'm the matchmaker of the school, so if you are ever having trouble finding a girl you can come to me." I looked at her face as she gave a thumbs up. My heart bubbled, until I finally gave out a small and kind laugh. She was funny, but I guess, she had that natural effect on people. I stood up straight and pulled out my hand.

"I'm River. Eighteen years old. Your average student." She didn't take my hand. Instead she pushed it aside and pressed on my stomach. Tripping backwards I fell onto the ground with a thud knocking the air out of me, as she suddenly pinned me down. Though, it wasn't very effective it had surprised me enough to not move. Her hair came down as did her face. Getting closer and closer to mine. As I pressed my palms on her sides to try and get her off of me. As she came inches from my lips, she stopped.

"You're very vulnerable River. Someone could take advantage of you quite easily" Her fingers  ran down my hips, right above my pant line, though I gave no reaction to it. I wasn't wired to be excited by girls, besides that, when I looked at her she only reminded me more of Damon. That sexy b*****d. Why the hell was he doing this to me, to tease me? Lizard started hysterically giggling, as she got off of my and covered her mouth with her hands sitting on her knees as she laughed. I sat up myself and raised an eyebrow. After she was done laughing she looked up to me. "Sorry, don't worry I wasn't being serious at all, I just do that to freak people out, but you. You didn't seem to get flustered at all. Which usually means you're in love with someone else. So, who is she." She put her hands on the floor. I blushed slightly as Damon came to mind, my face becoming hot with him on my mind.

"That's sort of.....odd for someone to ask when they've just met me." Lizard laughed again and stood up before offering me a hand, in which I took it gladly.

"If it makes you feel any better, I won't ever be in love with someone so easily. I'm asexual, never been interested  in relationships in the first place." She seemed so open about it, it surprised me. As I scratched the back of my head and looked at the clock. Maybe I could go to the college now to see him? What would that solve though, after kicking him out of my house the night he had kissed me. "Here." She shoved a small piece of paper at me as I grabbed it. "It's my  number, call me when you want to talk, I hope we can be friends." She grabbed her notebook and skipped out leaving me in the room all alone. It took me a few moment to process what had just happened and I yelled out loud ruffling my hair and falling back on the floor. What the hell was I doing?

Author's Note

the old pages of Aishiteru I wrote a long time ago, a romance story centering around two same sex couples. I'm thinking about rewriting it but actually this version didn't turn out as badly as my other old projects xD This was written back in 2012 any feedback?

Reviews

[dan]

LimnoH, I'm sorry but a side effect of my bipolar/anxiety disorders is not being able to concentrate on such long writes (or movies or other mediums). My lack of ability to focus and concentrate impairs my understanding and enjoyment of same. I'm really sorry. take care...dan