My Halo Isn't Broken.

This poem is a tribute to Haibane. Heehee... Its kinda geeky but feel free to read it.

Once, I was told that
Behind this wall my wings would finally work.
Behind this wall was forgiveness.
But only the ones who were forgiven 
Saw past these bricks.
You were my redemption.
From the day I laid eyes on you,
Till the night you brushed the blood from my wings.
I knew it was you.
It was too good to be true.
These once white feather
So pure, so beautiful,
Now there black with the spots I've earn,
From the things I've done.
My day of flight may never come
With these wounds I deserve.
You may be a train wreck,
But you'll always be an angel to me.
Don't let them deceive you
I believe you.
When you said I was your salvation
What you failed to see,
Was all along you were saving me.
You broke my fall,
Down this deep well.
I'm not falling anymore.
I'm finally the nut,
That broke from its shell.
Its all because of you.
They said you were disaster,
But I knew you were placed
As a laden path for me to fall on.

Reviews

[Roger Ferguson II]

the line about them being a train wreck doesnt fit very well. also breaking the poem up into stanzas would make it flow better. i like the imagery and symbolism though, and the metaphor of the piece is 1st class.

[Tony Russo]

I like the poem and the symbolism. It shows the vulnerability in the aurthor very well. The only change I would make is to end with the three lines "When you said I was your salvation, what you failed to see, was all along you were saving me." I really like that sequence of lines.

[kaylynnmelody♥]

this was very beautiful. i realy enjoyed it. you're an awesome writer.

[razormuse]

Beautiful write. I enjoy all things ethereal & magical, and thats the feeling I got from this. It's sad & uplifting at the same time.

[Philomela Titania Lanx]

1. I loved it.
2. Could use some slight revision. (I mean in terms of rephrasing and a couple of grammar mistakes.)
3. I personally think that you should either use a rhyme scheme or don't.

[Rikkevi Rue]

interesting write. has fascinating variations. i like a write that has more than none layer...the obvious message and then more subtle inferences...this does that. Nice!

[KatiePie]

One of the best poems I've ever read c:

[trainwreck]

OH MY GOSH! this is the best poem you've written in a very, very long time. I'm absolutely in love with it. There is not a single flaw. Rakka, you outdid yourself. :D :D :D