Evolution of my art

Ever since I was young, I have always had a large imagination. I always daydreamed no matter the occasion or where I was. Sometimes my thoughts and daydreams would incorporate into what I would see in reality. It may sound strange, but I would see things differently. For example, I would see a tree come up from the ground and turn into the antlers of a great buck. I would see fire like a living creature that clung to a piece of wood because it knew that if it let go it’s warm, bright life would end and that little flame will never be allowed to destroy darkness  again. I always imagined doing things impossible while meeting impossible things. I imagined flying, controlling the elements, reading people’s mind, etc. I even created fictional creatures and attempted to draw them and I have placed them in the setting of a book I am still writing at the moment. I had always wanted to draw everything I saw and show people what I had always imagined but I was inexperienced and couldn’t correctly capture what I wanted to. So my practicing begun.

I loved my art class in elementary and my Art 1 class in freshman year. Those were the only two times that I was taught about art because I just trained myself throughout my years of sketching. To better myself, I would look at a picture online and try to freehand the image. I would never trace because I never thought of that as art but I had lots of trouble trying to draw from my imagination. I still do. I am constantly trying to better myself but it is really difficult to improve.

I started out only drawing female, anime faces and hair. I was not skilled in the least, so I would only draw faces I believed were easy to free hand. My art would always have some sort of relation to me. It would either express my likes and dislikes or, most of the time, my feelings. That is why I would only draw anime girls and not guys, unless it was in some sort of a scene that involved both a girl and guy.

I never drew things that I saw in reality, such as humans, plants, animals, etc. The only thing I would draw that was out of reality was my Papermate eraser because it was simple to capture. It was too difficult to draw something that was real and I was scared of failure. I was too scared to make something that didn’t look well drawn which is part of the reason why I wasn’t improving. I feared judgement if someone saw my drawing and how I might bring myself down if I thought that it was “not good enough”. The other reason is that I never tried different types of media (paint, watercolor, etc.) and never expanded my horizon. It was always that crying, happy, or poker faced anime girl that was sketched with a mechanical pencil.

Art 1 was when I really began to attempt different concepts and media. I was first taught with colored pencil and I hated it. I never drew with color because I thought it never looked as good as if you sketched something with only a pencil. And the problem with colored pencil was that you couldn’t blend it. It was always scribbly and messy, so I knew that I wouldn’t want to continue using colored pencil. But then we did graphite and I absolutely loved it. Using different types of pencils to get the best shading you could and not having to incorporate color. I just loved it. However, I found out I also loved painting and watercolor. I felt very free when I painted, it was soft and beautiful the way the colors blended and how you could change the tint of a color with just a little black or white. I adopted painting skills and tricks to use at home but had difficulty with supplies so I turned to something that might be easier to get a hold of, watercolor.

I was absolutely amazed. If you have ever even tried watercolor you would understand what I mean when I say that it has a mind of it’s own. It’s difficult to control where watercolor is placed on the paper because the water carries the color and swims and spreads where it wishes. But it isn’t as frustrating as you may think, the way the water spreads its beautiful in it of itself. I learned that in order to use watercolor you can’t control the colors, you can only work with them.

Art 1 showed me new and different types of art that helped me improve and advance with my sketches. I felt that I could properly convey my feelings onto a piece of paper once I learned these new skills. I was extremely excited to be able to use my new techniques, however I still did a lot of sketching with a pencil because I had done it that way for so long and it would allow me to quickly draw my feelings in order to feel calmer and not as mad, sad, etc.

I have always not been one to share my feelings with other people. However this proved to be a problem for me because I would end up pushing down my feelings. I became aware that bottling up your feelings can prove unhealthy and painful. I tried to let go of my feelings in different ways until I found the best way to do it was to draw or write. The drawings that were backed with emotion have always been the best drawn.

Recently, I have been drawing real life objects, such as flowers, trees and humans. A couple months ago I found a beautiful pink and purple rose and I felt like I had to capture it. So I went home, changed into pyjamas, grabbed some oil pastels, went out to my front yard, sat behind a bush, and drew the beautiful rose.

To this day I am still trying to improve my skills and try new ways to express myself. I am still unable to draw from my imagination but i have improved on drawing real life objects and hopefully that can help me achieve my goal.